Leaving my daughter with her dad.

[BellaRose24]

Hey, im a mum of 3, two boys 12 and 6 and my daughter who is 2.5. I’m a really keen on travelling the world but my husband is very much stay at home and work hard type of man. I really want to visit Indonesia in the summer as my children are off for 8 weeks. I’m happy to take all 3 children by myself but my husband said he isn’t comfortable with our daughter going (2.5years) as she is too little and would rather she stayed at home. Obviously this would make life easier for me overall but I’m not sure if I’d be ok leaving her. I would only go for 2 weeks but was considering a little longer if I had her with me. My eldest son thinks it’s a better idea as he thinks the flight is too long and is worried we will be too restricted. I’m really torn and have 100% mum guilt. Am I wrong if I go with just my boys?
my husband would be taking care of her and she would be with her childminder whist he works.

I’m guessing that you trust your husband (and childminder) with looking after your youngest. If so, if I were in your shoes then I would go - and try to not feel guilty.

it Would be easier logistically but she’d miss you so much and you’d miss her too! Would she be ok with a childminder and her dad for 2 whole weeks? I couldn’t do it - I’d be thinking about her the whole time. Just take her!

Is your 6 year old very tolerant of travel? He may not remember it.. one beach same as the next?

I do definitely trust my husband to take care of her, and her childminder is amazing with her, I know she would be looked after, it’s just me who would be upset I think.

When I mentioned it to my husband he was like I’d rather you didn’t take the baby (2.5years) I think he would worry about me being there by myself with the 3 of them which I totally get. The boys are quite well travelled and are older so I think he sees that sightly different, they are also a bit more self sufficient.

He is pretty good, he has been long haul quite a few times and has always been ok. He does remember the trips for sure

It sounds great - have some fun Mum-son time and your daughter can enjoy daddy daughter bonding. Everyone gets to enjoy age appropriate fun.

I do definitely trust she will be taken care off, it’s literally just me, I just feel guilty if I go. But now I feel guilty if I say to the boys we can’t go 🫠

There's nothing wrong with you taking the older ones and Dad having DD, but my only query would be how she'll cope. Like is she currently with you most of the day every day and breast fed to sleep by you, or is she in childcare much of the week, used to Dad putting her to bed, you having the odd weekend away?

Obv yo u can work on some independence and maybe have a few trials of not being there overnight if its a problem

The alt is to pick somewhere more toddler friendly and save Indonesia for a few years time

I work 4 days a week so she Is with her childminder 3 days a week and dad looks after her whilst working from home so to be fair it’s a joint effort. I do bed time usually, she has a bottle too so no problems there. She is a daddy’s girl for sure

But the dad would miss her too if the mum took her away! Won’t dad miss the boys?

I don’t think 2 weeks is that long, especially at that age. It wouldn’t work for me as I live holidays as family time with the whole family, but I can see how it would work in the OP’s situation.

I’d take her with me tbh

i went to Asia with my 4 month old and 3 year old last year when I was on maternity leave

I was alone for 3 weeks then husband joined me for 3 weeks

ir was amazing. Kids will love it

I don’t see why she can’t go with you, but equally if he’s a good parent I don’t see why he can’t look after her for two weeks either.

Shame he won’t just go with you though so you can all have a lovely family holiday together. It’s not like you’re demanding everybody go backpacking for a year.

The little one staying home with daddy sounds like a good idea to me. She’s too little to remember a big trip, will probably enjoy simpler activities more than travelling. Tbh I think it’d be selfish for you to take her.

I just think my husband would worry about her being that far and she’s still little. It’s hard because this way is easier for me but I just feel guilty, I also don’t want to override what he is saying and cause upset between us, he is her parent too.

You’re probably right, it is a long day travelling for her. We are having a family holiday in April with all of us together so guess this could be special time with just my boys

I would love us all to go but I know my husband just won’t, without being selfish I want to experience this part of the world, my children too, so feel like if I back down and not go, I’ll never get to go.

I don’t think you sound selfish. Sounds like it will work for your family.

Your DH sounds great and it sounds like it will all work nicely - once you’re there youll probably just have a great time but if you’re still worrying you could go for 10 or 12 days.

You know your child best. None of mine would have coped with that at that age but it sounds like she might be fine. Probably easier for you travel wise and able to do more with your big kids.

Sounds fine either way but if DH is happier and you’ll fond of easier then it seems like a no brainer. It’s a big age gap, especially with the eldest so having a toddler with only one adult could limit what the older ones can do. She will have plenty opportunities for experiences when she’s older too

That sounds fantastic. Go! What a wonderful experience for your dc. You can take dd on an adventure when she’s older. I left then 16 month old dd with dh for 2 weeks to go to Australia. It was great and they had a lovely time.

it sounds like a really selfish idea to be honest and a good way to cause extreme separation anxiety and a child of that age…

I think two weeks feels like a much longer amount of time to a two-year-old than it does to an older child. It’s a huge amount of time to be without your mother if you think of it as a percentage of their life. That’s kind of why time appears to speed up as we get older. I honestly couldn’t enjoy two weeks away knowing I’d left my 2-year-old.