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Original poster

Leaving my daughter with her dad.

81 replies

BellaRose24 · 02/02/2026 23:11

Hey, im a mum of 3, two boys 12 and 6 and my daughter who is 2.5. I’m a really keen on travelling the world but my husband is very much stay at home and work hard type of man. I really want to visit Indonesia in the summer as my children are off for 8 weeks. I’m happy to take all 3 children by myself but my husband said he isn’t comfortable with our daughter going (2.5years) as she is too little and would rather she stayed at home. Obviously this would make life easier for me overall but I’m not sure if I’d be ok leaving her. I would only go for 2 weeks but was considering a little longer if I had her with me. My eldest son thinks it’s a better idea as he thinks the flight is too long and is worried we will be too restricted. I’m really torn and have 100% mum guilt. Am I wrong if I go with just my boys?
my husband would be taking care of her and she would be with her childminder whist he works.

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Furlane · 04/02/2026 11:06

chateauneufdupapa · 04/02/2026 10:27

I think two weeks feels like a much longer amount of time to a two-year-old than it does to an older child. It’s a huge amount of time to be without your mother if you think of it as a percentage of their life. That’s kind of why time appears to speed up as we get older. I honestly couldn’t enjoy two weeks away knowing I’d left my 2-year-old.

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Really? I would say at 2, they wouldn’t have as much notion of the time as say a 5-6yr old. I guess we will never know as we can’t get inside that particular 2yr old’s brain! I would assume the parents would have a better idea than us though. Either way, if the children are going to be separated from a parent then they will most likely miss them both equally (as in wouldn’t miss mum more than dad and vice versa), and enjoy spending time with one parent one-on-one. I know mine would.

Alltheyellowbirds · 04/02/2026 11:11

chateauneufdupapa · 04/02/2026 10:25

it sounds like a really selfish idea to be honest and a good way to cause extreme separation anxiety and a child of that age…

She wants to go on a family holiday. I’d hardly call that selfish, or in anyway abnormal! It’s only become a difficulty because DH won’t go, and because DH thinks DD shouldn’t go either. No reason they can’t all just go together like thousands of families do every year.

CarolCave · 04/02/2026 11:13

I don’t think that it would be selfish to go without the toddler, if she’ll be fine. I also don’t think that it’ll damage the toddler.

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minipie · 04/02/2026 11:19

I’d go and leave DD with her dad for 2 weeks. You’re leaving her in her own home, with a known childminder and her dad! Honestly I think this is a better option for her than coming with you.

I don’t think you could do nearly as much in your travels with a 2 year old in tow and it might end up being a bit “why did we bother coming all this way if all we can do is stay on the beach”.

The alternative as pp say is to go somewhere in Europe that works for everyone and where your DH could join in the middle for a long weekend. But I do understand the travel itch!

MapleOakPine · 04/02/2026 11:28

I think this is a great idea OP. Leave behind the mum guilt and have a wonderful time with your older DC.

Mauro711 · 04/02/2026 11:40

It's a great idea. In 2-3 years time you and DD can go somewhere together so it evens out a bit. I always loved travelling on my own with the kids, it was sort of less pressure than when my exh came with as I didn't have any other adult to consider.

liamharha · 04/02/2026 12:17

BellaRose24 · 02/02/2026 23:11

Hey, im a mum of 3, two boys 12 and 6 and my daughter who is 2.5. I’m a really keen on travelling the world but my husband is very much stay at home and work hard type of man. I really want to visit Indonesia in the summer as my children are off for 8 weeks. I’m happy to take all 3 children by myself but my husband said he isn’t comfortable with our daughter going (2.5years) as she is too little and would rather she stayed at home. Obviously this would make life easier for me overall but I’m not sure if I’d be ok leaving her. I would only go for 2 weeks but was considering a little longer if I had her with me. My eldest son thinks it’s a better idea as he thinks the flight is too long and is worried we will be too restricted. I’m really torn and have 100% mum guilt. Am I wrong if I go with just my boys?
my husband would be taking care of her and she would be with her childminder whist he works.

I wish you were my mum .
Love how you just take your kids travelling ,,what amazing experiences you are giving your kids ❤️

PurpleThistle7 · 04/02/2026 12:31

I think it sounds perfectly reasonable. There’s no inherent reason you or your husband have more of a connection to her and no real reason either of you should be prioritised. I think it would be great for your boys to have the chance for toddler free fun and your daughter will be fine with her other trusted caregivers.

Original poster
BellaRose24 · 04/02/2026 12:36

liamharha · 04/02/2026 12:17

I wish you were my mum .
Love how you just take your kids travelling ,,what amazing experiences you are giving your kids ❤️

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That’s very kind of you 🤎

OP posts:
Original poster
BellaRose24 · 04/02/2026 17:55

CarolCave · 04/02/2026 11:13

I don’t think that it would be selfish to go without the toddler, if she’ll be fine. I also don’t think that it’ll damage the toddler.

Thank you, I’m really undecided as constant mum guilt.

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Original poster
BellaRose24 · 04/02/2026 17:57

PurpleThistle7 · 04/02/2026 12:31

I think it sounds perfectly reasonable. There’s no inherent reason you or your husband have more of a connection to her and no real reason either of you should be prioritised. I think it would be great for your boys to have the chance for toddler free fun and your daughter will be fine with her other trusted caregivers.

Thank you, she’s definitely a daddy’s girl. Sometimes things like this can be frustrating as I feel some people slightly shame mums for this but wouldn’t bat an eye lid if dad was off on a stag for the week.

OP posts:
Original poster
BellaRose24 · 04/02/2026 17:58

Mauro711 · 04/02/2026 11:40

It's a great idea. In 2-3 years time you and DD can go somewhere together so it evens out a bit. I always loved travelling on my own with the kids, it was sort of less pressure than when my exh came with as I didn't have any other adult to consider.

Your right, I will def be doing mum and daughter trips when she’s a bit bigger ✨

OP posts:
Original poster
BellaRose24 · 04/02/2026 17:58

MapleOakPine · 04/02/2026 11:28

I think this is a great idea OP. Leave behind the mum guilt and have a wonderful time with your older DC.

Thank you ☺️ if only the mum guilt would leave me 😅

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 04/02/2026 18:00

BellaRose24 · 04/02/2026 17:57

Thank you, she’s definitely a daddy’s girl. Sometimes things like this can be frustrating as I feel some people slightly shame mums for this but wouldn’t bat an eye lid if dad was off on a stag for the week.

Show quote history

I’ve taken each of my kids away on a couple solo weekends. My husband took my daughter to South Africa for a week (I was hugely pregnant). He’s taken her to the states to see his parents without me as well. I don’t and wouldn’t feel guilty about any of it and would do more of it if budget allowed. It’s so important to treat your kids as individuals and not a connected mass. Your older kids will have a very different holiday without the toddler there and she won’t miss out at all. Am sure your husband will do some fun things with her while you’re away.

PurpleThistle7 · 04/02/2026 18:01

BellaRose24 · 04/02/2026 17:57

Thank you, she’s definitely a daddy’s girl. Sometimes things like this can be frustrating as I feel some people slightly shame mums for this but wouldn’t bat an eye lid if dad was off on a stag for the week.

Show quote history

Oh and I think normalising co parenting and respect for fathers will help dismantle the patriarchy quicker so there’s that 😂

Original poster
BellaRose24 · 04/02/2026 18:01

minipie · 04/02/2026 11:19

I’d go and leave DD with her dad for 2 weeks. You’re leaving her in her own home, with a known childminder and her dad! Honestly I think this is a better option for her than coming with you.

I don’t think you could do nearly as much in your travels with a 2 year old in tow and it might end up being a bit “why did we bother coming all this way if all we can do is stay on the beach”.

The alternative as pp say is to go somewhere in Europe that works for everyone and where your DH could join in the middle for a long weekend. But I do understand the travel itch!

I know, she will be perfectly taken care of and will be in her own bed at home. You’re totally right, I know we wouldn’t do as much as naps etc come into tow. We are all have a family holiday in April so will have full family time together then.

OP posts:
aLittleWhiteHorse · 04/02/2026 18:29

Children of single parents split their time between the parents and all goes fine. I think that since you and your husband would be in agreement, and at peace with your decision, your children would all be fine. Children pick up on the energy in the home so if all the “vibes” at home are positive, the little one will naturally miss you but overall be happy and secure.

Mind you, when she sees the holiday photos in later years be prepared for emotional blackmail… girls are way too smart 😂

Original poster
BellaRose24 · 04/02/2026 18:41

PurpleThistle7 · 04/02/2026 18:00

I’ve taken each of my kids away on a couple solo weekends. My husband took my daughter to South Africa for a week (I was hugely pregnant). He’s taken her to the states to see his parents without me as well. I don’t and wouldn’t feel guilty about any of it and would do more of it if budget allowed. It’s so important to treat your kids as individuals and not a connected mass. Your older kids will have a very different holiday without the toddler there and she won’t miss out at all. Am sure your husband will do some fun things with her while you’re away.

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This makes me feel better, I feel like I’m alone on this, so nice to know it is fairly normal for families.

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Original poster
BellaRose24 · 04/02/2026 18:42

aLittleWhiteHorse · 04/02/2026 18:29

Children of single parents split their time between the parents and all goes fine. I think that since you and your husband would be in agreement, and at peace with your decision, your children would all be fine. Children pick up on the energy in the home so if all the “vibes” at home are positive, the little one will naturally miss you but overall be happy and secure.

Mind you, when she sees the holiday photos in later years be prepared for emotional blackmail… girls are way too smart 😂

You’re totally right, never even thought of it like that. I know my daughter will be taken care of, otherwise I wouldn’t even consider it.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 04/02/2026 18:48

Id leave the 2.5 year old at home and take older ones.

JLou08 · 04/02/2026 18:51

Leave your DD 100%, she won't care about missing a holiday to Indonesia. Your boys, especially the 12 yo, will have an amazing time with no toddler slowing them down and taking all the attention.

TheIrritatingGentleman · 04/02/2026 19:29

I think it would be a long trip for someone so little, she'll be tired and doubtful she'll remember much of it. It will also restrict what you can do with the boys, I assume she still has a nap and goes to bed early?

She'll be staying with her other parent in the routine she's used to, and you can enjoy your family holiday together which is really soon!

TheIrritatingGentleman · 04/02/2026 19:32

I've also done separate trips with my kids due to differing ages and different interests, never had any issues.

HattieJ2 · 04/02/2026 19:35

This and what an experience for all!

BruFord · 04/02/2026 19:41

I think going with the older children is the best idea. We have two and both DH and I have taken them on solo trips that suited their interests- we don’t need to travel together all the time. Plus we bond/get to know them better when we can focus on them more individually.

Tbh, the mine don’t really remember trips taken before they were 5. Over Christmas, we were talking about a wonderful trip to Paris that we took when DD was 8 and DS was nearly 5. She clearly remembers it, but he doesn’t!

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