Leaving my daughter with her dad.

[BellaRose24]

Hey, im a mum of 3, two boys 12 and 6 and my daughter who is 2.5. I’m a really keen on travelling the world but my husband is very much stay at home and work hard type of man. I really want to visit Indonesia in the summer as my children are off for 8 weeks. I’m happy to take all 3 children by myself but my husband said he isn’t comfortable with our daughter going (2.5years) as she is too little and would rather she stayed at home. Obviously this would make life easier for me overall but I’m not sure if I’d be ok leaving her. I would only go for 2 weeks but was considering a little longer if I had her with me. My eldest son thinks it’s a better idea as he thinks the flight is too long and is worried we will be too restricted. I’m really torn and have 100% mum guilt. Am I wrong if I go with just my boys?
my husband would be taking care of her and she would be with her childminder whist he works.

I regularly had my DGD for more than a week at a time when she was aged 1,this continued until last year when they moved closer, once she was here she never mentioned her mum in a missing kind of way, more just mummy let's me have choc! Kind of way. She is nearly 8 and it affects her much now she is older to be fair.
My DD took dGD to Indonesia when she was 6, they both loved it and have since been to Singapore which looked amazing too. Hope you have a fantastic time.

I don’t see an issue with it. However we feel as parents, it’s what’s best for the children that’s priority isn’t it. Seems like you believe your sons will have a brilliant holiday and DD will be completely fine at her home with her other parent, which is preferable to all the travel 🤷🏻‍♀️ we like to travel too - both our kids are fine with long distance but 3 could be a bit of a handful. I suppose the eldest is probably pretty reliable tho?

I dont think a man would think twice about going. It will be a better experience for the older two, your DH is stepping up and parenting your LO (i think all parents should regardless of gender but its refreshing to hear how hed prefer he looked after her)

Its 2 weeks, you can video call and get her some lovely treats and give your boys a fabulous experience. Sounds like as parents and a family youre meeting everyones needs

Why don’t you think the little girl will miss her dad if she’s away for a fortnight? I think this is all about Mum and not a lot to do with the child. At 2 and a half she’d be much better staying at home in her usual routine. OP should take the boys and have a wonderful holiday. Her eldest is right, the little one would seriously limit their experiences in the holiday.

If you get Bali belly (it’s so common it has the name!) who looks after the 2.5 yo? It’s not fair to expect the 12 year old to deal with both siblings IMO if something goes mildly wrong. This is coming from someone who has travelled the world with tiny babies. I would have a different adventure with all 3 of my kids personally as I wouldn’t want to leave anyone. Indonesia is gorgeous but it will be more so when your toddler is out of a pushchair (pavements don’t really work in many areas), can snorkel and generally travel more easily etc.

Not for me . I traveled all over with mine by myself. I would bring her too .

I think you should go and have a great time with your boys, I’m sure it would be lovely having your daughter there, but all 3 of you will have a better time without her (in the nicest possible way!). Of course you’ll miss each other, but you can video chat once a day, and 2 weeks will fly by!

Go and have a great time with your boys. Travel to other places with her.

Go somewhere you’d all enjoy. Indonesia will still be there when you are all five years older.

I'd go without your daughter. The boys will get much more out of the holiday.

I think it sounds like a great idea. I think it is nice to do something with your sons. Your daughter is too young to get the most out of it anyway and if will free you up somewhat. 2 weeks will fly by. I’d definitely do it.

Yeah, what a guy. Won’t share a holiday with his family 😏

Why are you asking a 12 year old his opinion on how “restricted” you’ll be OP? Sounds like a lot of strange dynamics going on.

I couldn’t leave any of my children for that long. I’d miss them too much. 1 week is my limit and that’s only for my 12 and 5 yos. My 12yo would be fine for longer but my 5yo gets homesick. My nearly 2 year old has been away from me for 1 night. I think 2 or 3 is my max with him.

I have a similar partner. I’ve chosen to show my daughter the world. Dad has a choice to come and he declines. That’s his choice, yours is to make memories with your kids. I made it clear to my partner many years ago that we’re not going to stay home and do nothing with our lives just because he chooses too

This is a silly argument to compare yourself to a stereotypical man, it's like a race to the bottom of selfishness.

I think it's ok assuming she has a strong attachment to dad and childminder. She's verbal and can understand you'll be coming back?

I know, but my eldest will be 18 in 5 years time so it will no longer be childhood for him.

I have a 13 year old as well and you definitely want to take advantage of this last little bit where they want to be around you! Please do it - maybe you can compromise on 10 days or something but honestly, your husband is fine with it, your kids will all be fine and you will have such amazing memories with your boys doing adventures and staying up too late and wandering around whenever you like without a carrier or buggy or naptimes or any of that. It's so important and you do have a limited amount of time to do this.

My tip is not to facetime your toddler though as that tends to make them really upset. They have a very fluid sense of time anyway so can probably be distracted through each day - seeing mummy appear and disappear on a screen is really unsettling (speaking from experience! My daughter was just 3 when she went away with my husband for a week or so)

I don't think leaving her with dad at home - but curious why Indonesia? Which parts of the country do you want to visit?

Go for it!

Your sons will love the monkey forest in Ubud.

Oh, and I didn't have "Bali Belly" at all and that was travelling to Java, Bali and Gili Trawangan.

It’s hard isn’t it, I’d love for us to all go but he’s not a massive fan of travelling, he’s just very focused on work. Without sounding selfish, i want to see the world, I want that for my kids too, I get it’s not for everyone so we have to meet in the middle.

Did you see any orangutans? I wanted to go to Gilli too. Is Java worth visiting?

we have visited parts of Asia and the boys love it. This was before I had my daughter. It’s also perfect weather in August for Indonesia as opposed to Asia, the boys are off for 8 weeks in the summer, so will be nice to have a bit of a break.

You’re right, I know we will have an amazing time, I know my daughter will be taken care of by her dad.i just have to pluck up the courage to book it and see it through 😅

I think it’s that most men would be happy to have the 2 week break if they could and have all that free time, my husband is choosing to take care of his daughter whilst juggling work. We always have a family holiday together and will be in April.
My 12 year old gave me his opinion, not so much me asking. Anyone with a 12 year old knows they think they’re mini adults. Nothing strange over here

Thank you 🤎