Who provides clothes for this trip?

[YourZippyLion]

My child is 13 and going skiing for almost a week with her father next month. Via our child, he has asked if her bag can be packed and with him a week before.
we’ve been separated 8 years. Should I be providing these clothes for their trip?

I kinda think he’s a very high earner, I get lumbered with all the dirty washing on return, should he not provide what she needs for a 5 day trip?

Does he mean her normal clothes? At 13, she can do her own. Or does he want you to provide all ski clothing? He is unreasonable in either case.

Agree with this. If she doesn’t have clothes at his then I would pack her normal clothes, but 100% wouldn’t be buying any ski wear.

I’ve always been open to conversation with ex on the basis it’s easier for the kids. He chooses to communicate through our daughter. I had to contact him to request info about this trip as again, he did it through our daughter.

ex has bought her jacket, sallopetes and helmet as a Xmas gift, other than that nothing further.

yes I always send her with clothes, had hoped after 8 years he’d manage to at least sort her underwear, pjs and a toothbrush…maybe a pair of leggings and a top?

Totally agree. I have remained amicable, I contact him, he replies through child?!
no matter how many times I ask.

Does he ski himself? He knows you need more than that right?

She’s 13, she should be packing her normal clothes herself which just a little guidance and supervision from you then she needs to be messaging her dad for anything she needs that’s ski specific and he should be funding that. A week ahead probably means so he has time to source anything else she needs. You should not be buying anything but he shouldn’t need to buy duplicates of things she already has

Well she needs more than that, she needs thermal undergarments, long tube ski socks, snood/face warmer, hat for when nit wearing helmet, walking shoes/snow boots for when not wearing ski boots.
Has he ever took her skiing before? Or beeb himself?

But I wouldn't get involved or mention all that.... I'd just buy her some bits of normal clothes like thermal leggings or long sleeved thermal tops etc from lidl or primark and treat it as dickhead tax. He can keep them at his
Aldi has some squishmallow small kid electric toothbrushes in right now for 6.99

You could encourage dd to look up a skiing essentials check list or packing list and then print it/screenshot it and she can then be telling dad what she does and doesn't have according to the list.

If she doesn’t already own them send him a message to buy ski underwear, goggles, ski socks snow boots (or sturdy hiking boots) if he’s lucky Lidl may get them in, they often do have ski gear

Sorry why are you packing her bag for a holiday he is taking her on? That sounds like an absolute recipe for disaster. How on earth are you supposed to know what she will need on a holiday with her dad? You shouldn't be providing the clothes and you shouldn't be packing the bag. He needs to do better and actually enter a dialogue with you about what is needed, what she already has and therefore what he needs to buy. Your dd should then be given a list by him and pack her own bag, under your supervision if necessary.

Anything she's already got I'd pack

Anything new she needs for the holiday that's up to him if he's decided to go on it with her

She will need sock and under layers for skiing as well. And gloves and a buff or snood. She will either be freezing or he will end up paying a fortune for that stuff in the resort.

I would text him to tell him you'll pack what you've got but anything else he needs to get

I wouldn't be paying out for a holiday he's taking her on

He wouldn't see her being cold would he so he'd have to buy the stuff

He needs to buy the clothes.

YANBU

"It is impossible to pack up clothes for a week away a week in advance. (Name) owns enough clothing to be able to clothe herself while the previous few days of clothing is in the laundry. Packing up that far in advance as you asked would leave her with nothing to wear for that week. You will need to buy her the clothes she needs for the holiday and you can be in charge of her post-holiday laundry"

A 13 year old should be packing her own stuff. My kids packed their own holiday bags from about 10 years old. I don't have a heart of stone - so I would give them a little checklist and remind them about what items couldn't go in hand luggage.

Suggest you do the same and list "ski clothes and equipment- ask dad what you need and remind him he needs to get you anything he hasn't bought already and make sure it's added to your luggage". It's his holiday so he's responsible for any special clothes and equipment. Not up to you to sort.

As for providing the bag a week before, if its not practical and convenient for you and her then tough, he'll have to have it nearer the time.

Being sent back with dirty washing is a bit irritating but I would find that the least problematic aspect.

But agree with others
Can't be ready a week before either way

I would think he should provide them. Although does he give you a decent amount of maintenance, more than he needs to. That could change my answer but then again I know ski gear is expensive. I think you’ll need to clarify with him.

This.

can you imagine it the other way around? 'Hey ex, I'm taking DD to a dibing holiday, make sure all her stuff is packed and here a week earlier! I got her a wetsuit but the rest is up to you to organise'
Absurd, isn't it? DD can pack her regular clothes and her dad needs to make sure she has what else is needed for skiing - as others have posted, it's significantly more than just a ski suit.

What a cheeky fucker! Does he think you're the nanny?! Of course your ex should be buying clothes for his daughter, particularly when they're specific items required for a specialist activity. If he wants to take her, he can take her shopping in advance and pack her bag himself.