14 year old DS and first girlfriend (16) want a sleepover.

[WishfulThinkingToday]

My DS was invited to stay at his girlfriend’s house for the night. I guess I am quite strict and so is my husband, we both said no. They don’t have a spare bed as yet, but are willing to buy one for their spare room if he stayed with them.

However, talking to friends and girlfriend’s mother it seems like sleepovers are a common thing to do at this age. They have sleepovers in the living room or with two extra friends in the bedroom.

When I was young my Mother basically went crazy just hearing I had a boyfriend at 17, never-mind sleepovers! I thought I was being lenient with my son by having a girlfriend so young, and a sleepover is a step too far.

Am I overreacting? What do other parents think?

I’d say no

Nope. My DS didn’t have his gf stay till he was 19 and she was 18. By then they were both adults.

Id have felt very uncomfortable having her stay before then - and tbh her parents weren’t that happy even then but accepted they’re adults. .

WTAF. Seriously WTAF. This is even a question when breaking the law?

I’m quite shocked a 16 year old girl is interested in a 14 year old boy. He would seem like a child.

Ok it’s a long time since I was 16 but we were interested in 18 year olds with cars at that age not kids.

It's not illegal to just spend the night at a mates house 🤔

No you are right. But as the are girlfriend and boyfriend this implies more than sleeping which isn’t legal.

Well I asked the OP to clarify if they are actually girlfriend/boyfriend but the OP hasn't come back to the thread.

No 16yo girl would want a 14yo bf. That’s just weird.

Nope

Nope! That's how my cousin got pregnant at age 14 because her parents allowed her bf to sleep over. Far too young.

Same age. They got together at 12, got pregnant the first time according to both of them and had the baby aged 13.

No. Not a good idea.

Well I would say so as this is the title ‘14 year old DS and first girlfriend (16) want a sleepover. ’

yes I think along these lines, 16 is too young imo too

Well yes but she could be thinking they are "dating" but actually they are just mates.
Unless she comes back to the thread we will never know.....

We may be waiting a while …..

Sorry for delay - putting baby to sleep.

Oh - thank goodness!! What a relief. I am so glad everyone had the same reaction to me. I thought I was going mad. Especially since my DS’s best friend has sleepovers with his girlfriend (both 14). I don’t want to be a grandmother yet!

Yes - they are bf and gf, and have kissed (her mum told me), and her mum has had words with her to make sure they are not going past that stage. My DH and I need to have a serious chat on our end with DS (even though I am dreading it).

It is a strange age gap - my DS is a Year 10 (June born) and she is Year 11, they seem happy so I left them to it. She will be 16 in a few weeks and her mum is pushing for a sleepover, sending me a couple of messages on this subject when I don't feel comfortable (and making us feel like bad parents when DS is upset).

I am going to have a talk to her in the next couple of weeks and clarify our feelings.

So they are 16 months apart and only 1 school year apart then?
But no. Would not allow sleepovers

No way! I’d be asking myself why a 16 year old girl wants a 14 year old boyfriend (at that age, the difference in maturity etc is enormous). If it was flipped and it was a 16 year old boy and 14 year old girl, there would be no chance of sleepovers, this should be no different.

My ds is also in y10, hell would freeze over before I gave blessing on a sleepover with a girlfriend at his age!

Her mother is pushing you to allow a sleepover? That’s weird OP.

Absolutely no way. My almost 18 yo isn’t allowed their partner to sleepover- I don’t want their sibling to feel uncomfortable in their own house.

If the mother is pushing it, I would remind her about the statutory age of consent, and why she may want to better protect her daughter...

This. With bells on.

I remember sneaking around at 17 with my bf - and no way in hell would I ask my Mum to have him stay!

Thank you everyone. I know I am sane. When I got the messages from her mum, there was the WTF moment between both DH and I (I was even more shocked when I heard they didn’t have a spare bedroom, but will get a bed in the office if needed).

It is a definite ‘no’… not even quite sure when it will be a ‘yes’. Even 16 is too soon.

I am just surrounded by very lenient parents.