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Parenting

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Original poster

14 year old DS and first girlfriend (16) want a sleepover.

78 replies

WishfulThinkingToday · 03/01/2026 21:48

My DS was invited to stay at his girlfriend’s house for the night. I guess I am quite strict and so is my husband, we both said no. They don’t have a spare bed as yet, but are willing to buy one for their spare room if he stayed with them.

However, talking to friends and girlfriend’s mother it seems like sleepovers are a common thing to do at this age. They have sleepovers in the living room or with two extra friends in the bedroom.

When I was young my Mother basically went crazy just hearing I had a boyfriend at 17, never-mind sleepovers! I thought I was being lenient with my son by having a girlfriend so young, and a sleepover is a step too far.

Am I overreacting? What do other parents think?

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Original poster

WishfulThinkingToday · 04/01/2026 12:24

rightoguvnor · 04/01/2026 11:40

So this is potentially a Year 11 girl dating a Year 9 boy? That’s really rare - plenty of year 9 girls will moon over year 11 boys but the other way round, and actually date? Very rare. Year 11 girls are usually to be found casting their eye over the sixth formers.
Their friendship circle? - mostly her friends or his? If his I’d suspect some egging on, if hers I’d suspect some leading on followed by a humiliating rejection. Both unhealthy scenarios.
Id say no sleepovers unless it’s a large gang (6/8+) all kipping down on the front room floor. And I’d expect the host’s parents to be savvy enough to recognise the concerns other parents might have and reach out apprising them of the set-up ‘no alcohol, bring their own sleeping bag, strictly certain 15 horror films only, we’ll both be on the premises but keeping a low profile’. Obviously in a group of 16+s the parameters would be different, if at all, but for 14 yr olds there’s still potential for really bad memories to be made.

She is a Year 11 and he is a young Year 10 (16 months’ difference). It did raise my eyebrows, but he seemed happy (he really wanted a girlfriend as all the boys in his group have one - so I think a dose of peer pressure started this).

I have asked him if she should be studying instead of running around with him, and mentioned that he should be supporting her if she needs help. She seems to be busy all weekend, so I assume she is studying for GCSEs.

OP posts:

cantputapriceonpeace · 04/01/2026 22:46

WishfulThinkingToday · 03/01/2026 21:48

However, talking to friends and girlfriend’s mother it seems like sleepovers are a common thing to do at this age. They have sleepovers in the living room or with two extra friends in the bedroom.

Am I overreacting? What do other parents think?

They will always end up in the same room - sneaking about if needs be - even if you bought a bed for the spare room.

My DC is 17 and I would not knowingly let him sleepover at a gf’s house. I do not want to be granny for at least another 13 years.

throwawayimplantchat · 04/01/2026 23:23

AmateurDad · 04/01/2026 00:38

Can't you read?

The girl is 16?

Show quote history

Yes, that poster can read. What makes you think they can’t?

The girl is 16, so can legally consent. The boy is 14, so can’t.

Hence her mum should be protecting her from breaking the law, not encouraging sleepovers (to the point she’s ‘pushing’ the mum of the 14 year old) with her underage boyfriend.

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