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Parenting

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Original poster

Am I a pushy parent?

111 replies

DodecahedronCat · 31/12/2025 11:44

I have two children 8 and 4 .
The 8yo DS does football 3 times a week, his dad is the coach and he plays in a low level league. They sometimes do tournaments but never win. My DH often comes home from training in such a bad mood because DS has a "bad attitude". When i watch the matches he is 70% of the tim3 putting in minimal effort, doesn't seem to pay attention and is generally rubbish. 30% of the time he is brilliant and I think " wow is this is the same child. DS is naturally very fit and active, he loves running about and I think he has the potential to be good at any sport but he just doesn't seem to care. He never plays football in the garden or seems to be interested in practicing. I think for us to be putting in 5 hours a week as a family to his football he should be much better. How do we get him there? Part of me thinks we should just stop taking him to football so he realises if he doesn't try he cant do it, but then another part thinks maybe I should push him more with extra 1 to 1 coaching, bribes/incentives for working hard so that he can see himself develop.
I watched a tournament this weekend where a girls team beat all the boys teams. Those girls were so focused and I realised it is possible.
So should I sack off the football or push him harder? I dont want him to do it and be rubbish as I feel this is a waste of time.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Hiptothisjive · 31/12/2025 14:02

You and your husband want your son to play football - he doesn’t. Three times a week for training and games/tournaments is a lot for an 8 year old if he plays grassroots low level. I soeak from experience- my kids play at a cat 1 academy and have been all the way through so I know the levels and commitment.

Are you yelling at him too much? Or is your husband? I used to see it all the time with parents - he may be athletic but he isn’t Messi.

A 1-1 coach is an intensive technical expert that will push your child to develop and get better - yours doesn't want it and you want to add more?

OP please stop. If he doesn’t want to play then don’t make him and push him to do more.

YABU

Hiptothisjive · 31/12/2025 14:05

PersephonePomegranate · 31/12/2025 13:49

Yes, you are.

Do you or your DH have aspirations for your son to be a pro footballer or something?

Edited

Seems like it but it will never happen if the kid doesn’t burn for it. I’m not saying this to be snide - my eldest is a scholar at a cat 1 academy. I know what it takes and it has to almost be obsessive and has to come from the child.

SmileyMoonset · 31/12/2025 14:14

So your 8yo son is already doing a sport he apparently doesn't enjoy 3 times a week and your solution is to make him play more?

You risk making him hate sport.

Have you asked him if he actually wants to play?

There are loads of alternatives to football, athletics, cycling, cricket, rugby, gymnastics, basketball, tennis, climbing, swimming, etc etc
He shouldn’t have to do football because your DH chooses to.

Also - it’s important that kids are active - it isn’t important that they are good at the activity. Jist that they enjoy it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

8 year olds Families General parenting

Glittertwins · 31/12/2025 14:16

Never coach your own DCs, they never listen. Is there another group he can join?

mondaytosunday · 31/12/2025 14:22

My son loved playing sport. He wasn’t particularly at them but he was very keen. So I was happy to go out in the cold and damp every Thursday night and early Sunday fur him to play rugby. He didn’t seem to care that he came home battered and bruised and caked in mud as he loved it. His dedication was rewarded as he was captain the last two years they played.
But if he wasn’t enthusiastic, if I felt I was having to force him to play, I would have stopped in an instant. Bring good at something is different from enjoying doing it. If there’s no joy for your son why make him do it? If he later says he wants to take it up again then support him then. But I see no benefit in making him do something he doesn’t want to do.

HighStreetOtter · 31/12/2025 14:25

Have you asked him what he wants to do. Dd when she was that age did a few different things and stopped a few different things. Brownies, horse riding, ballet. I’m not going to force her to do something she dislikes and yes I think it’s pushy to make a kid who doesn’t seem to enjoy it play football 3x a week. Maybe he wants to try something else?

Parker231 · 31/12/2025 14:27

He’s 8 years old - it should be fun and something he enjoys and looks forward to. Sounds he only goes because your DH is the coach?
Perhaps ask your DS does he enjoy football or is there another activity he would like to try? If he does want to continue with football, get him in a team with someone other than your DH as the coach

EatYourDamnPie · 31/12/2025 14:33

whereyagoing · 31/12/2025 13:54

As much as sport should be about enjoyment, enjoyment generally comes from being good at something.

Would he respond better to someone who isn’t his dad coaching him?

Not necessarily. Depends whether they are competitive or not. DD enjoyed various activities/clubs for the sake of it , as soon as the adults pushed for more (join an official club, go for her belt etc) because she was actually pretty good, she didn’t want to do them anymore. If I pushed her into it, I could see her losing interest/being a bit crap just so that they’d leave her alone. She’s a teen now and still does 2/3 clubs a week , just for the fun of it, even if she’s not “excelling “ at any of them. In my eyes that’s good enough.

AnotherRuinedChristmas · 31/12/2025 14:33

Ask him if he enjoys it?

Moveoverdarlin · 31/12/2025 14:36

Yep you sound pushy. Stop the football and free up three evenings a week. If he misses it sign up again.

GreenWheat · 31/12/2025 14:39

Does he enjoy playing football but isn't very competitive? There are so many levels of children's football, maybe selective league isn't for him? You could try your local Little League instead. They typically just play on a Saturday or Sunday morning, no additional training sessions and no away games. Much less stress all round.

Jappled · 31/12/2025 14:43

I can't believe you wrote all that then asked if you should continue with football. Surely the logical answer if he is sporty and active is to try a different sport, given he isn't doing particularly well in football despite apparently having the physical capabilities and certainly having been offered enough practice time? Let the boy do something he enjoys!

pimplebum · 31/12/2025 14:44

I am actually horrified at your attitude and horrible “ pushyness” which is borderline abusive

for the love of god have a word with his dad and tell him to back the fuck off , let the kid run about and enjoy the game or let him drop out entirely if he isn’t enjoying it

sport = fun exercise
kids will only turn pro if they are utterly obsessed with it
calm the f down !

Ghht · 31/12/2025 14:51

You are pushy parents.

With respect, your DS is 8 years old. He should be playing sport for enjoyment, not putting up with a sulking father because he didn’t try hard enough to win a match. Clearly you believe he has the potential to be professional when older, but if you push too hard you’ll absolutely crush any ambition or pleasure in the sport. You’re doing him a disservice. He’s the child in the situation and he shouldn’t be putting up with pressure to perform or stroppy parents. Honestly, get a grip on yourselves and remember what is actually important.

My DS is 7 and I seriously can’t imagine treating him like that.

DPotter · 31/12/2025 14:53

Yes from the information you have given us here, both you and your husband are pushy parents.

I assuming you've never stopped to ask the poor lad if he would like to try another sport ? It's such a shame when parents try to live their lives through their children. There's so many to choose from - if he's a good runner, maybe athletics, or (whispering here) rugby. Can he swim - now that could save his life so worth investing time in that.

I would suggest not asking him if he enjoys football - if he's smart he'll know his dad and you are keen on him playing and he won't want to disappoint you. So instead ask him if he would like to try, say running, swimming, karate, judo, ballet dancing ? In fact you could say you would like him to try some other sports, is there anything he would like to try or shall you suggest some ?

Whatever you do - please don't force him. Nothing good will come from it

summervile · 31/12/2025 14:55

Fucking hell, read your post back! The poor boy clearly doesn’t like football!

bluesky9 · 31/12/2025 14:55

Yes, you both are

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 31/12/2025 14:56

Does he want to play football? Maybe try a different sport or activity. Ask him what he would like to do. 3 times a week of the same sport is a lot for an 8 year old.

Hollyjollynights · 31/12/2025 14:58

I think for us to be putting in 5 hours a week as a family to his football he should be much better. How do we get him there

this is not the conclusion I would’ve reached.
shouldn’t the question be why are you putting him through 5 hours, and your husbands grumpiness, when he clearly doesn’t have much interest in the sport

GlmPmum · 31/12/2025 15:09

He doesn’t sound interested in football and is just going along with what you want.

My DS is of a similar age and his dad the coach of his team. He trains and plays every weekend on top of training with an academy mid week. Together they are obsessed with it, always in the garden playing or training, practicing skills. They go to watch premiership football matches together and talk non stop about it, playing football games on the switch and reading books about it, to the point I often feel left out.

Should my DS come home one day and decide he was done, fine, we will keep an eye out for the next hobby or interest. Little point in pushing them to do something they don’t want to, would only create resentment.

Tiedyeegg · 31/12/2025 15:16

At 8 any sport or hobby should be for fun and fitness. If you start pushing him when he’s not that interested you will turn it into a chore

You don’t make it clear in your post whether he actively wants to play football or whether he goes be because you are your dh feel he should.
It might be worth letting him try other sports to find something he is passionate about or if he
really does want to play football then I’d try him on a different.

As an aside the girls are very likely better and more focused because they’re are there because they want to be there and not because their dad’s want them to be there

JLou08 · 31/12/2025 15:26

Hobby's are supposed to be fun. If he is enjoying it, you are not wasting your time.
It's highly unlikely he is going to be a professional footballer, it's not going to stand out on college applications as loads of boys do football so I don't see the need for you to be pushy with this. If he enjoys it take him, if he doesn't then stop taking him.

Topseyt123 · 31/12/2025 15:32

You and your DH both sound like horribly pushy parents.

Have either of you bothered to find out whether or not your DS has any interest in football, or whether he even wants to do it at all? Or are you both just slave driving him three nights a week because YOU TWO want him to do it and think he should, whether he likes it or not.

From your post I think it really sounds as if he doesn't like it and might well like to drop it without having the pair of you on his case about it.

Let him drop it if he doesn't want to do it and isn't interested. Give him a break. Maybe there will be something else he would prefer, or maybe he would just like some free time for a change to just be himself.

You are both being very unreasonable and it can't be nice at all for your poor DS.

OnlyReplyToIdiots · 31/12/2025 16:05

This is all incredibly sad.

eurotravel · 31/12/2025 16:09

Let him try other sports and drop back football hours

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