Am I missing something - childcare.

[Halie]

I'm currently on mat leave and thinking about what will happen once mat leave ends.

Initially, I planned to return to my job, but currently I'm struggling with how that would work financially. As well as that, I feel very negatively about putting baby into childcare / nursery aged 1. I know it works for some and that's great but for me it's going completely against my instincts especially with the things I read on the news about nurseries.

If I put my child in nursery it's approx £200 per week locally, so £800 per month. We're a 2 income home, but to simplify it, that leaves me with about £1000 left of my wage. However, if I quit my job I can look after my child myself and according to online calculators I would get approx £900 in universal credit and £100 child benefit.

Am I missing something? Why would I go back to work to pay for a stranger to take care of my child when I can leave, do it myself and have a similar income?

What are other people without a village doing and what led to your decisions?

She won't be sanctioned.

Hi OP. First of all, congratulations! Secondly, you are only 12 weeks PP. You don't need to make any decisions yet. Leave it as late as possible.

Like you, I work for the NHS and toyed with the idea of giving up work to look after DD full time. I went back and forth on it for months.

I am now 11.5m pp, and I will be returning to work! I made the decision around 10 months. It was an easier decision than I thought even though I was in tears at the thought of it when she was smaller.

My reasoning is:

I'm the higher earner and have big potential to scale up my career long term

NHS continued service!!! I only have 1 more year before I hit 10 years service and get all the benefits of that. I didn't want to lose that.

Pension!!! You just don't know what will happen in the future. You won't be able to pay into the NHS pension if you don't work there (obviously).

My DD is HARD WORK! Now that she is eating 3 meals a day, crawling EVERYWHERE, climbing etc - gone are the slow days of cups of tea in bed and leisurely strolls with the pram! I am looking forward to having a hot cup of coffee and some adult conversation 😂

I accrued my annual leave and bank holidays, so I'm going back part time using annual leave for 3 months. After which, I'll reassess the situ.

Nursery - I used to work at nurseries so have seen how incredible they are, how well kids do, and thrive. I did actually work with BH before and they are very process driven and strict, so I was utterly shocked to see the news today.

My DD is so social. She has enjoyed her nursery settling in days. I WFH so I can drop/pick up within 5 mins of starting/finishing work.

At the end of the day you need to do what's best for you and your family. But I would definitely encourage you to wait before making any big decisions.

Also, a note that if you quit your NHS job during mat leave or within 3 months of returning, you will need to pay back your enhanced mat leave pay.

Can only imagine you would in such circumstances

1. you really enjoyed your job
2. it was difficult to step back into your career at a later date
3. you preferred to work/ have your child in nursery for whatever reason .. e.g I’d always enjoyed being a SAHM but found during the pandemic my toddler got very bored at home all day and meant a very long day for me too so working and nursery were preferable under those circumstances, even though it actually cost me more to work

Just to add though, double check you’re not entitled to any childcare help under UC? Plus have you calculated the funded hours and tax free childcare into your calculation?

To add too, if you work for the NHS then you usually have to pay back your occupational maternity pay if you don’t return. Why don’t you see if you can reduce your hours? I work in the NHS and just work 2 days a week so our newest DCs childcare is covered by the funded hours (we just pay £100pcm top up) I absolutely love my job and it would be difficult to step out of my career now but also get to be at home with the children most of the time. As I’m worked for over 10 years I also get a good annual leave allowance too. Really feel have the best of all worlds plus building up my pension still etc and little one loves nursery

You can’t imagine handing your baby over but you’re quite content to hand over the costs of your choice to the rest of us!

If she quits her job without good reason she will be sactioned

Not if you have a child under three.

We all care more about our children than our careers. I'm so bored of people making statements like this insinuating working mothers don't care as much about their babies as SAHMs. We work because we want to, need to and realise the very serious importance of maintaining our financial freedom, career and pension for the future (usually all of the above)

It makes no difference if its a first claim if you quit your job without good reason and try and claim benefits you get sanctioned.

To add as well, if you’re an NHS HCP you are likely to lose your current increment if you have more than your mat leave out (unless go on an agreed career break) if you can meet the registration requirements you may get a job but unlikely to be offered top of your band unless you can demonstrate you really are current at that level (e.g. through bank work) even then they have no obligation to employ you at your previous increment. Really I would say just talk them about reducing your hours to keep your career bobbing along.

Everyone has these feelings whilst on mat leave. I’m not saying they aren’t legitimate, but even with my second I had a wobble wondering if I should be staying home, despite a very positive experience with our first going to childcare.

As PP’s have said, it sounds like you’ve made your mind up. But honestly the best thing you can do is try going back to work and see how you feel. You can always quit and stay home but at least then you know where you’re at with the feelings in real time not the anticipation of how you’ll feel. Would you also not need to pay back your MAT pay if you decide not to return?

In terms of job security - I’m not sure if you’re specialised or in a specialist area but I wouldn’t be so sure. I have had friends have job offers withdrawn because funding streams have been paused/cut whilst NHS England is dissolved.

In addition, 9m babies get 30 hours per week of subsidised funding plus you get 20%. So your figures will almost certainly be lower.

Finally - £1000 per month is very little to survive on. It’s one thing when you’re at work/DC is at childcare being fed and entertained. But long term living on a shoe string won’t be easy when there’s 7 days of activities and meals etc. Each to their own and all but we work flexi hours, get the best of both worlds spending weekdays with our girls and being able to treat them and enjoy travel and activities with them.

The point is that you get to continue your career, pension contributions etc. and be an independent adult, not just a mum.

I knew a several women who said they were going batty after 2 years of no one but infants for company. Don't underestimate the value of staying in touch with your peers.

I would also recommend your partner contributes 50% of the cost of nursery. Most of my income went on nursery when DD was little (salary sacrifice scheme), and it worked out ok for us, but other friends found paying all the nursery costs contributed to baby's needs becoming only a woman's problem 🙄

Honestly OP, I don’t think there is anything you could possibly do that would benefit your baby more than staying home with him/her. If you can possibly manage to stop work for now, then I wouldn’t hesitate - it’s the most valuable and important time of their development and I found it probably the most fulfilling time in my daughter’s life.

News articles about nurseries are heartbreaking, they hit me particularly hard as my eldest was at one of the nurseries that has been in the news. She had previously had the staff member reported in the news as a key worker. Ofsted closed the nursery with immediate notice we literally had an email saying pick your child up we are having to close

She then spent 2 very happy years at a different nursery where she blossomed from a shy introverted toddler into a confident child. I have signed my baby up for this nursery and it's hard thinking about it but for me I think I can't be "mum" all the time. At the moment being a SAHP is working because I have had the school day for life and I can devote after school time to my daughter. My second is 12 weeks too and I'm still in that newborn bubble but fully expecting that once he gets more mobile and engaging he will be more of a drain on my emotional resources. We all need multiple aspects of life to be fulfilled. The exact ratios are person specific but for me I know I need a days as "mum", days as "family, days as "functioning adult " right now the balance isn't quite right there's not enough functioning adult, it's the odd hour here and there. Give it time and see what ratios you need.

One thing to consider is you might need to keep a foot in both possibilities as nursery places can be booked up in advance. We have put my second down for a full time place at nursery from 9 months. I have no idea if that is what we need but it's easier to drop days or push it back nearer the time rather than realising you do want and need to go back to work and finding you don't have a placement or the right days/hours.

I agree with you wholeheartedly on wanting to raise your own child but if you can’t afford to do that on your own dime then you can’t do it. It shouldn’t even be an option to claim UC if you’ve chosen to quit your job. I desperately didn’t want to go back to work after mat leave but I had to. Found a compromise though and went part time. Best of both worlds.

I had a very similar dilemma (minus the benefit payments) at the end of my maternity leave with my last baby. I decided to go back to work. I’m glad I did. However, I wish I had gone down days. Personally I think 3 days working is a great compromise. You still get to see little one 4 days as week and you get some me time the other three days.

Things I can see going wrong in the above is I think your over estimating childcare fees. I pay £200 a month, little one goes 33 hours a month. I don’t pay any top ups and it’s not stretched over 52 weeks of the year.

You may not go back to the same/similar job on the same terms. There is something to be said for working for an employer / manager for a while before having children to build up loyalty to allow you flexibility when you have children. A new job may not give you that when return.

what is your husbands view on stay at home mums? Some men can get quite sexist, expect you to have no downtime even at the weekend as you are home all the time.

there is also something to said to work for your own mental health. A lot of women say how the younger years are precious and they are only little for a short while but nearly every stay at home mum I know suffers (stereotyping of course) suffers from anxiety and stress with the lack of a break.

Hi Op,

Firstly, congratulations on the baby. We all felt this way at some point on maternity leave, and juggle it all can be exhausting, but going back to work for me was without a doubt the best choice.
In my close group of friends 1 of the ladies gave up work, only for 4 years, and now, three or four years later, still earns 35% less than she did. Returning to the workforce just isn't as easy as we think, and she's a teacher. Make sure you've really done your research on how easy it is to get back in.

Another thing to consider is that if your partner is really career focused, multiple promotions and payrises will not increase your standard of living, your UC will decrease when his income increases. Now, for some that is fine, for others who are very motivated by the increases they find it harder. You also need to consider how he would feel being the only earner (I dont think you've mentioned that).

From my POV, I went back from mat leave PT (4 days a week) and for the last 8 years have maintained that (though now work 4.5), and I'm senior enough that I am paid for outcomes, not for how long I spend at work. Between my partner and I we do ever drop off and pick up, no help at all.

I currently I actually unemployed as I am starting my own thing, and I have the financial freedom to do that because I went back to work.

Its hard not to get caught up in the short term emotion, especially with what you're seeing on the news, but you need a pragmatic conversation with your partner about all different permutations of returning to work.

Good luck

I don’t agree and say that as a happy working mother and one who worked even when I was worse off working. If a mother really feels she wants to be with her baby rather than do some job she doesn’t enjoy or put her child into childcare she doesn’t want to than I’m as happy funding that as I am contributing towards the funded hours. It really should be a choice.

I’m also a registered HCP in the NHS like the OP and have found working 2 days a week, which alongside the good annual leave package and having taken the full year off plus all the accumulated annual leave (so 14 months in total) gives me a brilliant balance of virtually feeling like a SAHM but also keeping my foot in the door. I actually really enjoy the days I work and our little one absolutely loves her 2 nursery days too

I think this fair enough. You'll never get the time back.

One point I think is important, is that i don't know anyone who increased their hours when their child started school. I know lots of people who were forced to drop hours.

The pre-school years are by far the easiest for availability of childcare. Wraparound childcare is patchy, if available at all.

That 3 years out of the workforce could become 10 before you know it, especially if you have more children. Would you be happy with that?

So you think someone should actively choose benefits?

I have no issue with someone using the system as it is designed - there's still a full time working adult in the home.

How much savings do you have? I also think it doesn't make sense for the higher earner to be giving up their job.

Don’t forget if you don’t return to nhs after mat leave you have to pay your enhanced maternity pay back

also, if you want another child you’ll have to be back working for at least a year, some orgs 2 years before you get enhanced pay, and minimum 25 weeks I think to get stat mat pay.

you’ll also lose your increased annual leave if out the nhs for more than 2 weeks, starting at 27 days when you rejoin @op

Who should be funding his own family, why should other people?
it is so so wrong that you can get UC if you wilfully give up your job, shocking and makes a mockery of the benefits system being there a safety net

What so the system is designed to give the choice of being a stay at home mum because you just want to? Really? I thought benefits were meant to be a safety net. Clearly this does make it a lifestyle choice.