Do we have another baby?! Is being an only child that awful?!

[elizabethxxx]

I recently had a baby in June :) it wasn’t the easiest ride. Had an induction and was in hospital for 5 days and had an emergency c section. Took me a while to bond due to the recovery after and the sheer shock 😮

I went back to work a month ago (4 months postpartum). Mainly due to our savings running out and SMP is a joke! I’m really lucky to have a WFH job and only go in the office 1 day a week. My partner has her two days a week whilst I WFH, my mum for 1, and on a Monday and Friday my grandmother comes over to help watch her. The only downside to this is my partner and I don’t have days off together, though it’s not so bad when I’m at home and he’s in the other room with our daughter.

Our girl is beautiful and sooo cute! Though she’s not the chillest baby, but we defo want another 1. My partner is 34(m) and I’m 31(F).

I am kinda guilt tripped a lot when people say it’s selfish to have just the 1. I can see why from some POV’s. I want her to be an auntie one day (sounds silly saying it now) having someone when we are gone and just to grow up with. The issue is we aren’t the richest people, we would struggle for a few years til I could work full time and just the time scale. I would want to get pregnant again at the end of next year (I’d be 32 when she’s here and my partner 36). Is this too old?

I know we have a lot time to decide (and to just enjoy the 3 of us) but it’s got me thinking lately!

any advice from families of 3 or only children would be great :) xxx

DD is 11 and loves being an only child.

You've got time either way, don't rush into a decision right now.

Do what is right for your child now not potentially in the future …. Auntie etc

As you had to go back at 4 months it does sound like money is tight how would you cope if grandparents couldn’t do care and you had 2 x nursery fees and then 2 x wrap around care for the next 10 plus years?

I think personally I’d rather give one child a better head start in life with helping with university costs and home deposits etc than the potential buddy for life

I’m one and done and happy with that and I’m LC with 3 siblings

Our DD is a 24 year old only.
She has repeatedly told us that she would be really upset if there were more children.
She loves it.

Have two DDs 25 and 21 . They got on great as kids but not so much through teens. Quite different as adults but get on ok now living apart. Don’t have a child for the other child.

Literally the same as our 24 year old DD.

She loves being an only as does DH.

It’s completely ridiculous to have a child you don’t want for any reason, including thinking you are giving your existing child the ‘gift’ of a sibling.

I have one. I never contemplated having another.

At 31 you could easily have a 4 year gap so she's in school by the next baby.

Can’t believe people say it’s selfish to have one! I was youngest of 3 and love my siblings though one went to live in Australia 20 years ago so 🤷🏼‍♀️. It is a bond like no other but if you have wider family and cousins I think that makes a difference.

I’m the youngest of four. I haven’t seen the other three since I was a teenager and never give them a thought, nor they me.

I don’t feel I missed out, being an only would have been better.

And who are these people telling you you’re selfish ‘only having one’ five months postpartum after a traumatic birth?

You seriously don’t need to be thinking about this now, concentrate on the baby and getting life back on track as a family of three. One day if you want another baby, you’ll know.

I'm an only, my DD 46 is an only, my DGD 20 is an only. We're all very happy as we are!

I would imagine it would be very financially difficult for your daughter growing up with a sibling given what you've said about your current financial situation and how quickly you had to go back to work. It sounds like she would benefit more from you and her dad continuing to work than another sibling.

I’m an only child. As a kid I didn’t really know much different I wanted a sibling but I didn’t think about it much and I know I had experiences I wouldn’t have had if I’d had a sibling. It’s as an adult I feel it more, I feel sad I didn’t have the childhood sibling experiences, the busy house, the bond, and now I have DCs of my own they have no aunt or uncle on my side, no cousins on my side, I have no siblings to share them with or help out with theirs. My family is already smaller as my grandparents have does it’s just my parents really and when they’re gone that’s it and I won’t have any family. It’s one of the main reasons I didn’t want my DD to be an only child.

DS is an only and absolutely loves it, we've been able to do so much with and for him because we didn't have another child to contend with/pay for. He's a young adult now and done so well because we've been able to give him so much time and support.

I was always so smug when he was growing up and all the other frazzled parents were trying to manage their multiple kids arguing and fighting!

Conversely I have a sibling that I've never got on with, barely speak to and am dreading having to sort out my parents estate with.

I decided to have just one child and when people used to comment about it I would say I can’t have anymore children. That soon shut them up. My daughter loves being an ‘only one’ for what it’s worth.

I have an only through choice. He's a nearly 13 and is a happy, healthy boy. Has a wonderful sense of humour, is loving and has a great circle of friends. Do not listen to other people and go by what they say. You have a baby because you want one. You don't have another to please anyone else. Your baby is so very small at the moment and it's something you don't need to think about at the moment. Enjoy what you have for now.

This is the thing! We would manage, but we wouldn’t be going on any holidays for a few years or be able to go out much. It’s doable on my partners salary and whatever SMP I get but not ideal! I suppose it’s just the choice of being able to give our daughter a lovely life or have two (which would be nice and wholesome) but not such a lovely life we have now. I could have stayed on maternity longer but my partner wasn’t seeing our daughter a lot, and my WFH is ideal enough so still get to see her everyday. It’s just such a worry nowadays! Xxx Thankyou for your words tho

This is the thing! We would manage, but we wouldn’t be going on any holidays for a few years or be able to go out much. It’s doable on my partners salary and whatever SMP I get but not ideal! I suppose it’s just the choice of being able to give our daughter a lovely life or have two (which would be nice and wholesome) but not such a lovely life we have now. I could have stayed on maternity longer but my partner wasn’t seeing our daughter a lot, and my WFH is ideal enough so still get to see her everyday. It’s just such a worry nowadays! Xxx Thankyou for your words tho

This is true! I’m just not sure it’s leaving it a bit late. My mum had my sisters at the age of 33 & 34, but my partner would be nearing 40 by that time 🤣 ideally I wanted a 2 year gap but we will see. Xx

Don't ever bring another child into the world as a 'playmate' or 'friend' or whatever for your first child. Only ever have a subsequent child if you want to have more than one child. Nothing worse than being born just as an assist to the eldest child. They will always know that was their entire reason for existing. Not nice

That’s so nice :) I just worry my biological clock is running out 🤣 also if we were to have another one my partner would be 36 and I worry we are getting a bit old 🤣 I’m happy with one. But I feel if we started earlier we wouldn’t have this worry of time xx

This is true! I want another one to mainly complete our family. I just worry about the time element. If we started a bit earlier with having a family we would have all time in the world to think about having another 1 . I think it’s just people worrying me about only having the 1 and about my daughter growing up. But if finances and time were on our side I’d have another 1 in a heartbeat for sure! Xx

I only have one not by choice but DD is happy that way, and the way life has gone it’s for the best.
I have friends who have a single sibling and loathe them, DH and his brother never got on and the relationship imploded when their parents died. I remember his mum being obsessed they they should be close, but they have wildly different personalities and values.
I am from a very large family. I never really liked any of them. Home was chaotic and loud which was awful for me.

I really think it doesn't matter. I have loads of siblings and couldn't imagine life any other way and I'm glad I have them and the memories. But if I didn't I would still have had a great mum and dad and a great childhood. It really is all relative (no pun intended 😄)

I have 2 children (I've always wanted 2) but am am only child myself and love it. I've never wanted a sibling and have never felt lonely. On the other side I gave birth to DD at 31 and DS at 33. I had really bad PND with DD so couldn't imagine having another at that point. So I think what I'm saying is don't write it off atm if you are consistent it but also there is absolutely nothing wrong with, and actually a lot of positives to, being an only child.

Look - it doesn't matter what anyone else's experiences or opinions are OP. What matters is what feels right for you and your DH. It's you and he who's got to live with your decisions and be content with them.

You'll have folks here who say they love being an only, you'll have folks saying they wish they weren't.

You'll have folks saying they hate their siblings, you'll have folks saying they are their best friends through thick and thin.

Who are you going to listen to?

There's no right or wrong. Do what YOU want 💐