What is the best thing you done for your children?

[me24x]

We have two young DC, all I can think about lately is how can I ensure I do everything right for them. I’ve recently had some very sad news about my dad and it got me thinking about my childhood. It wasn’t bad by any means, we had our own house, clothed, fed, holidays to my mum’s home country only but I don’t have a lot of memories of happy times spent together really.

So what would you say are the best things you done for your children? If you don’t mind me asking!

You just can't predict really because my experience was the complete opposite to this.

My mum was a SAHM and I absolutely loved it, she did some part time work as we got older but was always around a lot. She always had time to play with us, cook lovely food and really support our education. It was really important for me to do the same for mine. I think it has been the best thing I've done tbh.

DS loved having me around and I have been able to really support him with his education right up until he left home. With my support (with CV, cover letters, interview practice etc) he managed to land himself a degree apprenticeship, is working, living away and loving it.

The other most helpful thing i think is being aware of the process of going to uni/getting a job and knowing what's involved and required. Neither of my parents went to uni or had a professional job, they barely left the village they lived in.

I think everyone has different experiences. Most people think their partner will be a good parent but unfortunately this is not always the case. I would have once written similar posts to some previous ones about parenting together etc. Unfortunately sometimes things happen to change that. I divorced to keep my children safe so they did not have that set up. I feared that would have a huge impact on them and of course there were negative factors. However, they have all blossomed and are now wonderful adults.
I stand by the words of the sunscreen song, don’t congratulate or berate yourself too much. Some things are out of your hands but resilience is a valuable quality to model.
Prioritise and love your children, have high expectations and be real and honest.

Whilst this is a lovely sentiment, cross words are not detrimental to children. They need to know when they have done wrong and be disciplined accordingly. This should not obliterate words of kindness, the pair are not mutually exclusive.

Encouraged learning to cook - I had an extremely fussy eater, but giving her the skills and some agency over food she ate really came into its own when she got older. I tried to never fuss too much about it - tried to make sure she had some fruit and veg...She will now eat a huge variety of things.

Music Lessons - again no stress, just for fun. She learned the guitar and taught her self to play the keyboard and ukulele. She's sung and performed on stage! Some drama classes too. Really helped with self-confidence.

Telling her I loved her. Apologising if I got something wrong. Admitting that I am not perfect but try my best and that I ALWAYS have her back, no matter what.

Encouraged a work ethic. Nothing comes for free and if we now have a nice life, it is because we worked for it, we didn't start with it, or inherit it. So education is important and also the value of earning your own money. She's actually built a brilliant CV of part time work (aged 21) which I hope will help when she's looking for her first full time job. That every job brings transferable skills, such as team work, dealing with difficult situations/people, meeting deadlines etc.

I'm so proud of dd! She turned 16 just as Covid / lockdown hit, literally the same week, which had a huge impact on her cohort and I see lasting issues from this with her and amongst her friends. She's gone on and done well though.