What is the best thing you done for your children?

[me24x]

We have two young DC, all I can think about lately is how can I ensure I do everything right for them. I’ve recently had some very sad news about my dad and it got me thinking about my childhood. It wasn’t bad by any means, we had our own house, clothed, fed, holidays to my mum’s home country only but I don’t have a lot of memories of happy times spent together really.

So what would you say are the best things you done for your children? If you don’t mind me asking!

I think supporting them with thier hobbies. One has ended up with a career in his hobby and for both of them its really helped thier mental health hugely. Its given them friends outside school etc.

I wish I hadn't been so tired. If i was going to something different, I think id have got a cleaner and used a bit more childcare.

Got a job in a school so l am always there before and after her school day give or take 10 mins (in Year 9 now).

We did houseswaps in the early years, well, until the youngest was about 12.
Through the NCT. It was free, so we had masses, masses of holidays, each Easter, summer, half terms...all in the UK.
In those days, all you had was a black and white leaflet, with people's phone numbers and email addresses. You'd just phone someone up, in, say, Brighton, Northumberland, any area you fancied.
So much trust though, wouldn't be for everyone.
But it gave us, as a family, so much time together..it taught our children not to be too territorial about their things, and also embedded respect for other children's things and homes. It gave us time together.
Along with that, we recorded so much ( video-recorded, in those days).
At aged 28, 26 and 23 now, they still love coming home and watching "The video of Us", it's a record of their childhood, the squabbles, the disasters, the high points, the joy, the absurdities, the laughs...

I agree with sitting round the table for meals.

It sounds great, and largely it was, BUT, I remember, vividly, losing my voice once, when I had yelled, too long and too hard...it wasn't all blissful.

Took them on exciting trips - I was a single parent and when they were younger, I really watched the pennies but I got a v good job when they were teenagers and could suddenly do some trips to more exotic places than Brighton beach. I made photo books of those trips and we still enjoy looking at them together (they are in their 20s now)

Spend time teaching them things or doing things with them.
I've taught ds to ride a bike, to cook, to handle a boat.
I've built dens with him, skied with him, swum with him, practised karate with him. I've spent time with him on holiday rather than sending him to kids club.

I don't have a huge budget, I'm a single mum. I think it is quality time together more than anything else. At least I hope so.

Not smacking them (I was a smacked child and I don't buy the whole 'it done me no harm' vibe that many carry... In my opinion, it fucked me up quite significantly and has a lot to answer for on how I've allowed others to treat me)
Also: let them get dirty and messy. Clothes wash and so what if they make holes in their tops from rambling through bushes/trees 🤣

Be accountable and apologise when you fuck up.

My son is 23 so I appreciate this was easier for me to do then it would be today . I didn’t allow him to have a smart phone or social media.
I was a single mum (married now) but I didn’t expose him to any of my relationships growing up or attempt to blend families until he was 16.
Getting a tutor to help with the GCSE subjects he was struggling in.
I’ve been quite strict as a mum compared to friends have with there children but I hope my son has never doubted how much I love him.
Holidays.. I never got holidays as a child and being single they weren’t luxurious but I did take him on one holiday per year.

My son is 7, but I would say these are my best decisions so far:

-Moving back to our home town to be closer to his grandparents
-Meeting someone who is genuinely a really nice, loving person and has helped me to put boundaries into place (I really struggled before)
-Recognising my own strengths and weaknesses and trying to work on them, so if my son has the same ones, I can help him work on them too
-Taking him on holidays for his birthday (starting with his 7th birthday) instead of throwing parties. He's socially anxious and won't really interact with his friends outside of school, so this allows him to be celebrated while also being able to be his true self
-Bed-sharing. We still occasionally do this now even though he's 7, because sometimes he needs extra comfort (even if he is a human radiator and boils me to death!)
-Encouraging him to develop his own interests and opinions on things, and showing him how to respectfully discuss differences of opinion

Mine are still young. We have worked hard with our own careers to ensure they will inherit a lot of money and property to set them up.

In the meantime, they are incredibly well travelled, educated and attend plenty of extra curricular clubs. I encourage their friendship groups, they have been read to every single night and day since they were born and I also spent a lot of money on tuition for my eldest, to ensure grammar school attendance. The little one is still in pre-school, but again, we paid a lot of money for the setting she currently attends.

Money is key. We spend a lot of time together - I refuse to work after 6pm or at weekends (unless for double time payment) and we all sit down together to eat. That is a non-negotiable. No phones, and we always ask questions of each other and ensure patience is taught when listening.

They are very polite and well rounded (so far) and I’m fairly sure they’ll have a long list of criticisms about me when they’re older, but it won’t be for neglect.

I allow my eldest as much choice as possible - I allowed him to choose his grammar school (out of select group that I’d pre-approved) and he has always been allowed to choose his clothes and manage his money.

I run a tight ship, but I was dictated to from the day and hour I was born - and I resent my parents for it.

I didn’t have bad parents but I was scared a lot as a child. My mum was often out of control with her own anger. The best thing I did for my kids was get therapy when they were toddlers and I could see history repeating itself. I haven’t shouted in anger in almost a decade.

Travel extensively and have them in lots of activities so they have a wide range of skills and are very well rounded kids. Private secondary school education.

For us I think it was being a SAHM for years - went back to work when the eldest was at senior school, middle in the last year of junior’s and the youngest was starting school and I worked school hours so was available for drop offs and pick ups just as I was with the older 2.
And as the older 2 became old enough, definitely getting them driving and sorting them out with cars, gave them so much independence and a wider scope for job opportunities.

Second this. Almost, the best thing I’ve done for them is not doing things for them. They are all extremely independent and think for themselves. I very rarely get the ‘I’m bored’.

I try to say yes as much as possible - not to physical things particularly, but to things they want to do (ie bike ride, baking, painting, not expensive things if I can help it). Particularly if they want to try something new for themselves - mum can I make tea, mum can i take a sewing class.

I tell them I’m proud of them everyday.

Moved on catchment for the best schools in our area. Best thing ever - generally surrounded by aspirational people who work hard.

No house moves - live near their friends - sense of belonging.

Modelled a good work ethic - we don't take time of work unless very very very ill.

Talk about their school/uni work all the time

Taught them the value of money - pay own car insurance etc

Paid for their driving lessons

Days out all the way through childhood

A good mix of UK + abroad holidays

Gave them a modest budget through Yr13 so they didn't have to work during A levels

Home cooked food 95% off time and talked about healthy choices.

Modelled taking care of our health- see us both regularly exercising

Their own animals for a young age.

Always had dogs, guinea pigs, horses etc and they help care for them.

Encxourage their own interests. My son loves Alvin and the chip munks I hate it absolutely loathe it and yet this afternoon sat with him watching it.

lots of board games.

I don’t see school (and they all went private or outstanding state!) as educating my children I do it. CGP books etc

Belief and step outside their comfort zone. I posted on another thread about presents. Since about age 12-14 we have given experiences as gifts. Some random and some just different. Eg clay pigeon shooting, making stained glass, brass rubbing, feeding alpacas, going to opera - literally (kids and as) nearly a hundred or more experiences for birthdays and Christmas or just random. Opera? They were like 👀 and I was like we go and we see - they loved it.

we have Chelsea flower shower booked for next year already…

I think prioritising them and spending time with them. I have done my best to encourage them to be kind, confident and capable adults. I think they know how loved they are and hope that they have always seen home as a safe nest from which they can fly.
Obviously relationships require different things at different times. I agree with a previous poster that it is important to apologise when you make mistakes. I have been a single parent since they were little and I’ve made millions of mistakes but my kids know that they have always come first.

Mine are in their 20s now. I have asked them what they value about their childhood.
Having parents who spent time with them, listened to them, enjoyed their company, encouraged their interests, were there for them, did school pick ups, welcomed their friends.

I've made many mistakes as a parent. I started uni when dc1 was 2 months old and went back to work when dc2 was six months. I worked away a lot as I had a national role until their teens.

But I always listened to them. Dc2 texted me at 2am a few months ago, and we sent over 200 texts messages by 5am when his anxiety eased (he's away at uni). I tell my dc I love them daily. They come to me for advice and tell me if anything is worrying them. They are both also independent.

As I worked away a lot, we didn't have many holidays and instead built dens, baked and cooked, done arts and crafts, colllected baby frogs (we lived by a lake), went out on the quads and our bikes, went horse riding, climbed mountains, played games etc.

I put them in good schools out of county, that meant a daily 30 minute commute to school, but I don't regret that for one minute. No way was they going to the sink school in our town. Could not afford private and are not in a grammar area.

I wish I'd set up an isa for them from when they were babies. Cars, driving lessons, university, phones, clothes are expensive! I wish we'd gone on more days out, but as I was travelling all week and exdp was on the road all day, we were too knackered by the time the weekend came:

We weren't well off but the dc never went without. They always had the latest gadgets, decent clothes, a roof over their heads and a fridge full of food!, and plenty of love. Me and dp split but they never witnessed arguments-
shouting, swearing etc. I grew up in a home that was full of DV and ensued my dc did not have the same experience,

@me24x I had a working mum in the days when that was rare. I had to most wonderful relationship with her because she always gave me quality time and also had a cleaner, she didn't try to do it all. She did nearly all of it though.

Give them a sibling, the support and friendship they get from each other now as adults is priceless

Nailed it ^ and

Educate them at the best school with the best staff you can organise.

Mine is really simple.

Eat dinner with them.every evening with no screens allowed.

Mine are all grown up all of them talk of dinner time as their favourite memory. Time to talk and.be present in each others lives.

I did it from ahen my oldest was weaning. To begin with we would do lunch then as she slept less she was included in dinner time. If dh was working late I would sit with our children as they ate and usually have a small portion of something myself or fruit. So they knew I was a part of the meal. This is where memories are made and acknowledgement of you as a person. Those ties are the best memory you can gift your children

Giving them a loving, stable home mainly. I was lucky enough to be a SAHM and DS1 thanked me for that when he was about 20 - that plus always cooking from scratch and taking them to lots of different things.

Strived to fix my trauma, engaged with therapy .
Stability, constant, unconditional love for them

Showed them myself happy.

Reading them a story every night. I’m not a SAHM and I’ve made lots of mistakes but that 20 minutes when we’re cuddled up reading Harry Potter/ The Hobbit/ Impossible Creatures etc is magical for all of us.