What is the best thing you done for your children?

[me24x]

We have two young DC, all I can think about lately is how can I ensure I do everything right for them. I’ve recently had some very sad news about my dad and it got me thinking about my childhood. It wasn’t bad by any means, we had our own house, clothed, fed, holidays to my mum’s home country only but I don’t have a lot of memories of happy times spent together really.

So what would you say are the best things you done for your children? If you don’t mind me asking!

Cultivating a love of books and reading. It’s one of the best things my own mum did for me and I’m so pleased to have been able to do the same for my daughter.

For us it would be
having boundaries around choice and behaviour when they were young.

The kids got what they wanted but not when they wanted it so they understood that sometimes money could be an issue.
I was lucky enough to be able to give up work and be at home for mine.
We were also lucky enough that 95% of the time we had our evening meal together as a family everyday and no devices at the table.
Friday nights were always movie nights whether that was at cinema or at home
we always had one holiday a year even when money was tighter.
Education was highlighted as very important and we supported them every step of the way either by helping them or getting a tutor where we couldn't.
Extra curricular activities.
I think those 'bonding' moments created an environment of mutual respect and the confidence to 'talk it out' with each other so we have very rarely had arguments or tantrums between the kids or between us.
My DS is a young man now and he has said that he appreciates his upbringing and would want his kids brought up the same way, which makes me happy as I always worried whether they would grow up and look back on their childhood with some regret.

A happy marriage. My parents had a terrible marriage and I felt anxious all the time at home.

A faith in God.

Holidays definitely! I am distracted far far too much of the time and I wish I always paid more attention day by day. Mine are 15 and 18 and we love playing board games together. On holiday we have time just to be together.

I love this thread. Reading and agreeing with most (although one post about highlight money money money made me feel sad).

my children are all very small. I’m trying to do the below:

spend 1:1 time

explain and not shout and punish as first reaction

help them enjoy school

make nutritious food and cultivate a love of cooking

feel they can come to me with any issue

tell them I love them every day

I don’t have kids but the best thing my dad ever did for me was encourage me to have a positive attitude and always believe that things will get better. I grew up with him in a house with no boiler, no oven and for some time no electric despite his incredibly hard efforts to make ends meet financially. He was so positive during those times and really gave me the belief that after adversity comes something better.

I’m 28 for reference and my peers seem to crumble under the slightest pressure and cry or break down at seemingly minor inconveniences like their car breaking down. They run to their parents or older adults to help them with everything. I’m so glad I wasn’t wrapped in cotton wool and have a robust attitude towards life.

Creating a home life that is calm and happy. Neither me or DH had a home growing up that was a 'sanctuary'. My kids do, and the best thing is they dont even realise as they know no different. I love that.

All the 'stuff' we give them and holidays etc is great but seeing them relaxed and happy at home tops it all.

My daughter developed panic disorder at secondary school. It resulted in her having agoraphobia. I decided I was going to understand everything I could about the condition. I worked with her to do daily exposure therapy to get over this and eventually she did with help. That’s one of the best things I did I think. That in addition to fighting the school to get her seen by the educational psychologist and this enabled her to sit her GCSEs at home.

Encouraged independence and self sufficiency, probably.

Travel , experiences , sports , letting them try everything and anything, never saying no to an opportunity. Peak parent was surprising them with a horse which has brought us all such joy and improved everyone’s mental health.

Making sure they could drive and getting braces for DD (amongst a million other things!).

Getting them a good education. They're in the best schools for them, not the ones with the best ratings or exam reports. Schools where they're safe and supported.

Our home is safe, warm, filled with toys and always clean.

Apart from choosing a good man to have a child with, choosing a good nursery for her. We have a very small family with none near enough to help out so it was always going to be nursery. We were very fortunate to have a nursery nearby that shared our ethos and I will be forever grateful to them. The staff are lovely and have cared about my daughter for 10 years through nursery, after-school and holiday play clubs, and they have been in step with us the whole time. She's made some good friends there too. I always said to the nursery naysayers that the more people that cared about her the better and that's how it's gone. She's a confident, capable, straightforward, joyful and gentle wee soul and I sincerely hope all the staff there know the part they've played in that. I'll make sure they do.

Oh, also walking. Some families connect over the dinner table but for us it's walking. I don't drive, consciously, so there's been a lot of walking and public transport and it's always given us so much time to just be together and chat. I've turned down many lifts over the years just so we could walk together.

What’s funny is that teens absorb what you do as “normal”. Dd2 marched a bemused very sporty boyfriend to an art gallery because that’s just what you do as a family as we always go to art galleries with them!

Always being there for him I'm a stay at home mum but receive carers allowance due to his disabilities.
Seeking help early for him changing schools because he was absolutely terrified but couldn't tell us why (basically none verbal) he was much happier at his new school.
But we always talk now and so he can understand himself and the world around him.
We have been able to go on a couple of holidays and thankful that Ronald mcdonald house and Make a wish foundation has been here for us and taken him on holidays and going to give us a memorable family trip soon.
And also having close family so he sees family often and is starting to get a bit independent catching the bus to school and little trips to the shops with or without his therapist etc.
My son is 16 years old so for us my son is very happy with how things are even though we are considered low to middle class he has everything he could ever want to need and is happy thats the most important thing for us.

I've not done everything right and it been hard but the things I think have made the most difference so far are:

Being very strict with screens and encouraging reading.

Getting oldest DD into a school that fits her (grammar) and topping up her her education at home over the years when school didn't challenge her or was shut due to covid.

My proudest achievement with mine was BF them both exclusively without solids for 6 months (and then weaning at 9 months). I found it really hard to do, I had PND, I didn’t do much else well at that time but always clung on to the fact I did that!

I am also really proud of our family unit, having 2 parents that genuinely love and support each other and work as a team, I think that is so invaluable for children. I didn’t have that growing up. This then has the added benefit of not dealing with divorce or blended families.

We were young parents so I think a lot of people assumed we wouldn’t have those kinds of achievements.

You say it almost like a single parent set up is a hindrance when it absolutely is not !!!!

It’s a matter of opinion but I think a 2 parent household is preferable surely? Obviously if the relationship is an unhappy one, absolutely not, but I’d have thought it’s pretty widely accepted that having 2 hands on parents under the same roof that love each other is the ideal for kids? I can’t believe that’s overly controversial.

Divorce is a pretty traumatic event for children and it still causes me issues as an adult now trying to manage my parents’ relationship with grandchildren etc.

Reminds me of the story of the retiring psychiatrist. ‘I never had a patient who said their childhood was ruined because they never had a pony but I had plenty who said they had a horrible childhood because their parents were too busy for them.’

Give them your time.

Ooft that cuts a bit, how true.

Stopped the cycle of abuse.

Purposeful efforts to NOT be like either of my parents.

My kids have had a loving, kind, caring and gentle mother and a present adoring dad.

No violence, no alcoholism, no anger, no walking on eggshells, no feeling terrified and frightened the whole time.

1. being there for them when they need you
2. setting realistic expectations
3. listening to them, respecting them, being interested in their opinions
4. telling them you love them
5. lots of hugs

I worked in a fairly MC almost exclusively white primary school and certain character traits of a minority of the children really stood out to me, which I think is so important:

1. Give them exposure to other cultures. This doesn't have to be holidays abroad, it can be visiting an African/Jewish/Indian cultural centre in the next town. Celebrate diversity and see it as something positive. Embrace new foods, clothing etc. One of the nicest, most empathetic and cleverest boys I have ever met had never been on holiday, but his parents were very open minded, hippy-ish and their DC were not only just comfortable, but confident in new situations with very different people.

1. Let them know how privileged they are and not everyone has the same privilege. Teach them about the importance of giving back.

1. Don't defend them when they have done wrong, call them to account and help them navigate through it.

1. Teach them to speak the truth, even if it against their own selves.

Imagine every kind word is 5p going into a big jar. A cross word or a put down takes a pound out. Make sure that jar is full.
tell them you love them as much as you can and that you are proud of them. Yes all the mushy stuff you can think of.
a friend of mine said ‘I won the lottery a million times over when my dc were born’ and I often think every child should hear that x