What is the best thing you done for your children?

[me24x]

We have two young DC, all I can think about lately is how can I ensure I do everything right for them. I’ve recently had some very sad news about my dad and it got me thinking about my childhood. It wasn’t bad by any means, we had our own house, clothed, fed, holidays to my mum’s home country only but I don’t have a lot of memories of happy times spent together really.

So what would you say are the best things you done for your children? If you don’t mind me asking!

This resonates with me. I love my parents and I had a good childhood, but it's been difficult forging my own path and developing a career without that working female role model.

I want my little boy to understand that his parents are equals and both our career aspirations are valid.

I also get a lot more annual leave than my own dad ever did and can use this to make those strong childhood memories.

The overall point is that there isn't a single path to giving them a happy childhood. You do what is best for your family and work hard to make the most out of the time you have and the money you earn.

it changes so much over the years, but just being there for them, physically, financially and emotionally would cover it

From DD being tiny I banned the phrase 'shut up'. It can never help a conversation. Sometimes we've had to say 'can this wait as I'm talking' but it's helped to develop respectful communication. Children need to know they are heard if you want them to talk to you about things. Respect what they say even if you disagree.

Help them develop independence. That doesn't mean abandoning them to a task but helping them plan, stepping slightly outside their comfort zone with you on hand to support and praising afterwards. This can start from a very young age.

Think carefully about how you discipline them. I have 3 lovely children who know that if they mess up they can come to me and we'll find a solution. That comes from not losing my shit when they made mistakes and broke stuff. If they are frightened of what the consequences will be they won't tell you- but that doesn't mean they should live a life without consequences

Totally agree with pp, one a junior ISA and put something in there every month, even a tenner will make a difference. I wish we'd started sooner and added more

Completely agree with this, I had to juggle a lot when my son was younger (single widowed mother) I have kept my career though and now he’s 16 I think it would be almost a burden to him to feel I was home alone and not involved in work and a wider world that I enjoy. He’s happy and confident and enjoys independence.
likewise I’m proud of my own mother who was scientist and got her PhD in her 50’s.
I think your kids will benefit from the independence you model.

My dd is now 21 and amazing.
We sent her to private school, whilst also letting her know what a privilege it was.
We encouraged her to travel, she had a gap year and travelled around Asia on her own.
We had lots of holidays abroad, and many many excursions to restaurants, other cities etc.
The most important thing? I raised her as a feminist, and to stand up for herself.
She is now at university, and is absolutely living her best life.
However in her early teens, she did struggle with her mental health, which she overcame with therapy and medication, but it will probably be a lifelong struggle.
You are already thinking about how to be the best mum possible, which means you will be.
Shit parents don’t think like that…mine certainly didn’t.

Due to my line of work I opened a JISA as soon as each were born. So I’m doing something right by the looks of things!

Sorry to hear about the situation you found yourself in when your son was younger. You sound very resilient. I keep hearing my friends have quit their job to spend more time with DC and I think it makes me slightly envious that they can afford to do so but of course, I don’t know the ins and outs and what they may be sacrificing to do that. Being a parent really is the hardest thing in the world isn’t it?! Because you will be judged one way or another

Unconditional love
Stability
Work ethic
The best education you can provide
Table manners and social skills
SPAG

For me personally, the best thing I've done for my kids is break toxic cycles that have cycled through my family for generations. We are not rich, I don't drive, but we love each other dearly and they are happy children

My children are the first children to be diagnosed autistic and receive support for it, their the first children to be raised by a single mum instead of watching their parents in a toxic relationship. Their also the first children who have a parent who doesn't play favourites and make one feel bad

I have a life limiting health condition so they don't see me working but they do see me volunteering once a week, more if I'm able.

Brought them up to be independent and resilent
they are very close to each others and good friends
they had strong relationships with their grandparents

I was envious too for sure, and it’s very hard to leave them when they’re little. It’s good to remember though how much of your life you will have to live when they’re little are older and plan a bit for your own independence.

I really encouraged them with their education. I got them into reading from toddler stage, by reading to them every day. All three are educated to Masters level.

Leave their Dad.

Not have any. Cancer runs in my family and I have saved them the hell of a cancer diagnosis and a probable early death.

1- Chose a great man to be their dad
2- Encouraged and facilitated their dreams and interests
3- Fostered a respectful sibling relationship
4- Not had more children than we can afford to house, raise, take on holiday etc.

Arranging private surgery for my 1 year old while the NHS were totally failing her. She is thriving because of it.

I’m currently working a retail job where I’ll be working every single weekend in December in the run up to Christmas. I’d say getting out places with them, the last three years I’ve missed a lot of weekends with them and I miss the hikes, going out to fairs etc.

Id also say teach them to cook and use all the appliances, wrap presents etc

I’m equal parents with DH, I think it’s important for them to see both mum and dad being involved and interested in their lives. I’m working and bringing in a decent salary but I work part time which gives flexibility in the week so that they don’t have to go to after school club everyday but means I’m a good role model and we have a comfortable income. I wouldn’t want to sacrifice their opportunities for me to stay at home. Providing opportunities and experiences including holidays, activities and family days out. Saving for their futures, including university, contribution to house deposits and money for things like driving lessons or anything else they’ll need as young adults.

Same here

I fled with a 7 week old

And thank my lucky stars each day that I did

Others tried to say I would regret it

We are safe and happy

Your last point in particular is very important

Giving them confidence in themselves (quiet confidence not loud teenage bluster) and teaching them excellent social skills. They are late teens and both are reaping the rewards of this already as they get many opportunities due to being nice to have around and both have many many lovely high quality friends..

Agree about the great dad and stopping at two. Three spreads the parents too thinly u less you are very wealthy especially with today’s economy. We considered a third sooooo glad we didn’t as we can help the two we have so much more. Especially as parents need to pay significantly for university.

In recent times, helping my eldest learn to drive 🚗 passed his test this week, so all that effort paid off.

Takes a lot of energy helping your children excel in life at many things. Especially if you have multiple children.

Being around for them. Especially teenagers. They talk to you when it suits them and if you're not there you miss it.

Quality time is a load of rubbish. You can't cram being around most of the time into an hour before bedtime. It just doesn't work.

Have a spouse that sticks around and pulls their weight to create a cohesive and secure family unit.
We were together nine years before we married and ten before we decided to have children. Realise these circumstances aren’t always possible to create and maintain, but they have turned out to be the most important choices I have ever made.