Struggling with newborn stage. Some kind words would be much appreciated

[Newmum931002]

Hi ladies,
Im hoping this reaches a few of you that can relate to how I’m feeling. I guess what I’m looking for is reassurance that I’m not alone in feeling this way or an awful mum for having these thoughts and feelings.
My baby girl is perfect and everything I dreamed of but I feel like I’m just keeping my head above water everyday with my emotions towards the newborn stage - she’s only 2 weeks old.. today infact!
As the days come to an end and nights draw in my anxiety gets worse. Will she sleep? Won’t she sleep? Did I let her nap too long so she won’t sleep because of me? Did I not make her nap enough so she’ll be restless? Will she cry so loud she wakes up the whole street?
I also really struggle to get her into her next2me consistently and end up on the sofa with her some nights which I feel guilty for and I feel like I’m the only one essentially failing so early on doing what’s best for her.
I’ve been told it’s practically impossible to impose a routine at this stage with sleep and what will be will be and to just roll with it but I’m finding it incredibly hard not being in control and feel like I’m the only one not being able to get her in it successfully every night.
I know I probably don’t sound it but Im definitely better in myself than I was last week.. I’m definitely not crying as much!
My husband is incredibly supportive.. my mum and dad would drop everything anytime to run to my rescue if I needed them (and they have after me phoning them in tears) but I still can’t help but feel I’m doing most things wrong, finding it harder than every other mum or not doing as good of a job.. even if the feelings aren’t exactly the same, is there anyone that can sort of relate?
A friendly salute to me not being mad and this actually being a crap time is very much welcome. Just a small validation in how I’m feeling is all I need.

Some things I did that helped to get him to use his next to me:

• used a love to dream swaddle
• ewan the dream sheep
• made sure the mattress was warm (hot water bottle or wheat bag which we took out just before putting him in)
• lay him on his side first before rolling him onto his back

I'm not sure if I'm replying correctly but I feel the same. My daughter is 4 weeks old yesterday and the struggle is very real. I came here desperate for someone, anyone to talk to. Like you I have a great support system but I still feel a little alone sometimes and like the burden of responsibility is solely on my sholders.

My daughter is so good and has been since day dot, but in the last 2 days she has become very fussy after feeds and I just don't know what's wrong with her. She is burped but then sicks up a little and sometimes cries, she also grunts like she is uncomfortable but I just don't know what's wrong. I am so worried that I am missing something and that she is in pain and I am just not seeing it 🙁

She does like to sleep on me a lot and we have ended up co sleeping as she seems to get so much comfort from it and sleeps for big chunks of the night and in my desperation for sleep, this is what we are doing. I am co sleeping as safely as I can, following all the advice but I am also so worried that I am doing something really wrong!!

Well I’m really glad you stumbled across this thread because knowing that there’s women out there who’ve felt this way more recently and those who remember it well now having adult children has helped me alone - mentally anyway. It’s nice to have this to read when you’re having a particularly shitty moment/day.

is she cluster feeding? My little one definitely is between the hours of about 7 and 11 (not consistently but happens in this time frame) sometimes longer than others. It’s taking its toll on me but I’m just trying to keep myself occupied while it is. I love my girl so much but she is NOT easily consoled and it’s very hit and miss what does it for her at times. Especially between these hours.

i co slept this morning for the first time when my husband went to work this morning with her waking up throwing a hissy at 6am.. i was shocked it worked. I’m newer to this than even you but given the advice on here by other mums I would say if it works and it’s safe then why not do it? I’m coming to terms with this period is more about us than them. We need to be as happy and settled (as we can be) to look after them.

I’m finding it really really hard at the moment and still get tearful daily but I’m always here for a chat.. I was so desperate when I posted this for some advice and a friend and there seems to be plenty to go around here xxx

You’re exactly where you need to be OP. I couldn’t wait to have a baby and when it happened, it hit me like a bus! I HATED the newborn stage and the fear of SIDS and getting things ‘perfect’ caused me PND . I remember going for a walk to the park and a granny must’ve realised I looked dead behind the eyes and what she said next, saved my sanity: “this too shall pass” and it did (until I quickly went back for baby number two!)

Ps. Cosleeping was a lifesaver. I’m still at it x many years later!

I’m not sure whether I had an unrealistic expectation of what the newborn stage would be like or I just wasn’t prepared at all.. the crashing hormones definitely do not help either.. I feel like the first week is just a cocktail of euphoria, love, holy f-ing shiza what have we done, doom and anxiety 🤦🏼‍♀️ then to top it all off your hormones get thrown in a blender - overnight this felt for me.

I thought I had PND.. I felt day by day I was getting worse during the first week and then i actually started fantasising that they were gonna take me away and baby girl couldn’t come with me 😂🤦🏼‍♀️ now I’m at the end of the third week and although I feel like baby is still pretty similar to last week, I’m not. When Things happen at home they aren’t stressing me out as much and I just feel a bit more rational than I did. Still have follow up appointments with the midwife’s so I’m going to keep a close eye on myself.

when people say they found it hard but had another all I think is these little high maintenance sack of potatoes must be worth it further down the line ❤️🥰 xx

You are enough and there’s no right or wrong anyway, ever family is different. This stage is particularly intense and it will get easier, more quickly if you can build some confidence in yourself. There’s no pass or fail, just trust yourself and do what works ti make it as easy as possible for you.

I ended up deciding to fully co sleep about 5 or 4 days ago and I swear to God it is a miracle. I know people warn against it but as far as I am concerned it is very common and natural. All you can do is make sure that you are doing it as safe as possible and just be mindful of the dangers so that you can try and limit them. With my little one, she is notably more at peace when we co sleep and even turns into me when she is having a little bad dream or a fussy moment. She turns in for a quick cuddle and then rolls away again once she feels better. I know she is only 4 and a half weeks but I know she feels better. Also, and most importantly, all three of us are getting much better sleep at night which makes the night feeds more bearable and the days less of a sleepy challenge!