Should DH leave so early for school run

[Sam858]

This might seem silly but could I have opinions please as I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable? On days my husband is WFH, he uses his lunch to do the school run as we have a 4 month old (exclusively breastfed) baby so I stay at home with her. She doesn't last longer than one hour at most between feeds so as you can imagine, it's incredibly difficult do anything and usually in that time between feeds she will fuss, need nappy changes, want held. It's very hard to get anything done but I spend all day running around in between dealing with her to do as much as I can. The school is a 5 min drive from the house if that. Pick up is at 3pm- my husband leaves at 2.20 and sits in the car for 35 minutes in the car park. He says its hard to get parked. Our friends a couple houses up leave at 2.50 and are back by 3.15/3.20. Friend gets parked around the corner from the school so has a couple mins walk each way but gets the whole school run done in half an hour whereas my husband leaves at 2.20 and gets back at 3.10. My issue is, if there was nothing else to do then if he wants to spend 35 minutes every day sitting in a car park- go for it. But I'm spending all day struggling to do things- if he took that extra 20 minutes to do abit of dinner prep, abit of cleaning or even just took the baby for 20 minutes to allow me to get ahead it would make such a difference to me. Once the kids are back, I'm doing after school snacks, homework, getting them ready for after school activities. I know it sounds silly but I'm finding things so hard and if I had an extra 20 minutes a day- I could get so much done. Even having 20 minutes of not having the baby and doing other things in the house without juggling her would be so helpful. So....aibu?

Thankyou so much for all the comments. It's helped me to see things from his perspective and also realise that no- i get no break. All day, all night, I'm dealing with the baby and other kids. I think things are definitely not working well at the moment. He will get away to gigs, cinema, see friends etc but I dont and he doesn't only do this for school runs- he'll do it anytime he goes anywhere- will leave ridiculously early and sit in the car for ages. He does help evenings and weekends but will still have periods of sitting on his phone ignoring me and the kids whereas its all go all the time for me. I think I need to speak to him and as you all said, we both need time for ourselves so we need to work out how we can do that. I suppose I was thinking about when I'm working, I take the minimum break (20mins) to quickly eat and clear up abit so I can finish work and get straight to dealing with the kids. I think as someone said, we aren't happy and our current routine isn't good for either of us. Thankyou again for the advice- its very much appreciated and has given me alot to think about and discuss with dh

I work and do the school run and I wfh, I go early too to park up and I use my time to catch up on some calls, read a bit cos that’s my time. I don’t see it as a waste of time at all.

Ah sounds like you’ve already got your answers and you’re going to have a chat. Was just going to add that it seems like you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself - you’ve not long had a baby so go easy on yourself. X x

Myself & husband do the same. Whichever goes on school run tends to do a few emails and make some life admin calls. It makes sense and its nice to be out the house away from.the desk.
When I was on Mat leave I did all school runs and just brought baby... again good to hey out

When I was on mat leave I did every drop off and pick up. The baby napped in the buggie and I got a walk twice a day with fresh air and a chat with the other mums. My ds was ebf and fed every hour too. I used to give a quick top up feed before leaving the house and it would tide them over until we got home.

Am I the only one wondering why if the school is that close, and it’s a pain to park, why the hell aren’t people walking?

No, me too.

Sad to think some children are brought up to believe you leave the house and get in the car. Even for a really short journey. Terrible for health and planet.

Why doesn't he walk?

Definitely not the only one. Crazy that the next door neighbour does the same too. The walks to/from school are some of my fondest memories from when mine were little. It was proper everyday quality time and great for all of us.

if seems like you need to manage the baby’s feed better eg starting the first feed st before 7 and then 11 and then 2 and then 5 with a feed at 9/10 to get through the night etc. o think that is what is in the contented baby book. That way there is no feed at home times.

Is walking an option?

So this isn't about the school run, but in general you are starting to bregrudge that he gets to leave the house for time on his own whilst you are stuck at home all the time. I can understand why resentment is kicking in. You need a break too, can you not go out for a coffee on a Saturday, go for a walk with a friend etc. Make time for yourself.

Might as well have told her to cancel the cheque!

How is your husband after work? Is he helping you with cooking/tidying up/with the baby? The majority of women have to deal with the school run on their own, because their husband/partner has to go into work. You are in a position where your husband is using his lunch break to do the school run. If your husband is generally helping after work, then him taking some time to have a break from work, by sitting in the car isn't unreasonable. However, if he's sitting on his arse after work and expecting you to run around, that's a whole different story.

I definitely didn't get either of the babies that were in the contented baby books!

That's not how breastfed babies work... they eat what they want when they want.

So how do you think those of us manage, who have to do the school run with a breastfed baby in tow because DH is at work (or single mums)? We have to get the baby into a routine because we have no choice!

I am one of those breastfeeding mums... school run is over an hour for us round trip. Absolutely time feeds around what you do, but breastfed babies should not be forced into 3 - 4 hour stretches for your convenience.

I’d have a chat with him and see if you can come up with a better plan. It might also be interesting to get his perspective. DH seemed to think I got lots of downtime as I was sat on the sofa a lot feeding the baby. He seemed to overlook the whole feeding the baby aspect of that experience!
I also wonder why your DH is doing the school run. It’s not even as if your older child/ren is/are getting much benefit as they are getting 5 mins in the car with him. Why doesn’t he walk or run there and they walk home together? He gets some fresh air & exercise and so do they. Or you do the school run. Yes, sometimes you’ll have a screaming baby and sometime you’ll end up sat on a garden wall bf’ing a baby whilst your other children get bored & grumpy but you’ll have been out, had a couple of brief conversations with people at least and hopefully he’ll be able to use his lunch hour for something more productive. I also think it’s a nice routine to get into now as, whilst you’ve got the colder, wetter months coming up, it means you’ll have got out every day regardless and soon it will be spring and you and all of the DC can go to the park on the way home from school

I'm like your husband, because I want to be comfortably parked and able to get away as quickly as possible. It's also his lunch hour, so that's his break.

we also live 5 mins from school and plenty of people get there well before half an hour before the final bell in order to get the best parking. Some people are there an hour early. We sometimes go with half an hour to go to get a closer spot and just have some time relaxing.