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Original poster

Teen twin wants a party that her twin is not invited to

130 replies

yeahwhatev · 07/10/2025 20:35

This is hypothetical at the moment as we haven't agreed to it. But my twin daughter (soon to be 15) wants a house party next summer and is imagining all the details of this, including over 60 invited (no way), but more hurtfully that it doesn't include her twin brother or his friends. If they weren't twins maybe there wouldn't be the same tension around this but I find it sad and also a reflection of the kind of awful high school popularity contest dynamics, which I understand is something of an obsession at that age, but having twins just makes it all the more obviously mean and exclusive. I find myself becoming angry and to be honest worried that this is part of her personality, and then I check myself and think it's just her age, and hopefully one day she won't act like this towards her own twin. But what to do? Just say no to the party? When they were growing up they had big joint twin birthday parties which they both look back on with fondness, they were so fun, and everyone was invited.

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Original poster

yeahwhatev · 07/10/2025 23:09

BruisedNeckMeat · 07/10/2025 22:49

I have B/G twins who are 17 now and no way would this happen in our house.

Lots of PP are saying ‘if they weren’t twins….etc’ well, they are twins. There are some great things about having a twin and some slightly sucky things too. That’s the hand you’ve been dealt and that’s what we have to work with. Excluding your brother because he’s not cool enough would not be okay. They aren’t like close in age siblings because they share the same year group at school.

My DTs are in no way joined at the hip. They are completely separate people who have their own interests, friends and social lives but this kind of event would have to include them both.

OP my two drifted apart during early/mid teens but have really got close again now. They actually had a big, joint party for the first time in years for their 17th and it was lovely.

Thank you for sharing this - exactly everything you've said. It's lovely to hear they had a 17th together 💕

OP posts:

NewDayNewColour · 07/10/2025 23:10

Have a family twin birthday celebration then let them have a few friends each for separate parties. They are boy/girl after all, he probably doesn't want her friends at his either, he's just not planning ahead like her!! My qualifications for this advice, I am a triplet so even worse for my parents!!

SandyY2K · 07/10/2025 23:13

yeahwhatev · 07/10/2025 21:35

Thanks for this, yes I think I need to let go of them not hanging out together. They were just so close growing up. It's good to hear that similar with your kids and that they're now going to the pub together, that's lovely.

I also agree with everyone that the whole idea of the party with 40+ 15 year olds is madness and needs to be shut down. Nightmare. But some kids seem to be doing this now and that creates a 'so and so was allowed to...' but yes basically I agree. Maybe in a couple of years when they've all grown up a bit.

Show quote history

Different houses have different rules.
I wouldn't allow a house party, but I know my daughter attended 16th birthday parties in their homes.

You don't have to agree to what other parents do.

I was happy to fund a restaurant meal or an activity, but I'm not having a house party for teenagers.

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Tubestrike · 07/10/2025 23:13

House party for 15 year olds? Don't do it op , I'm still scarred from the one I agreed to 13 years ago.

Original poster

yeahwhatev · 07/10/2025 23:15

Tubestrike · 07/10/2025 23:13

House party for 15 year olds? Don't do it op , I'm still scarred from the one I agreed to 13 years ago.

Oh no!! That made me laugh, yes I think I feel much more solid now in just saying no to the massive house party!

OP posts:

Original poster

yeahwhatev · 07/10/2025 23:21

Thanks everyone for all your thoughts, feel calmer, and it's quite clear really, was just a jumble of things in my head. Thanks for sharing other twins experiences too, was good to hear these. Thoug just noticed under similar threads below there was a recent AIBU about a 40th twin birthday that caused a bit of upset so maybe it never ends 😅

OP posts:

Lovelamps · 07/10/2025 23:28

I think she needs to invite him as a family member, usually a sibling would be there and get to bring a few friends themselves. If they don't both want a joint party that's fine ..only one cake, birthday person mentioned on the day (assuming it's not actual birthday) but I'd make his invite non negotiable. It's so rude and mean to not even invite him and expect him to be hidden away. Absolutely no way unless major backstory like he's an awful boy.

Nosleepforthismum · 07/10/2025 23:35

Parties at parent’s houses come with family members included. Siblings, parents, parents friends, grandparents all crashed our teen house parties. There was a lot of good humoured eye rolling but we just accepted that was the way it was and had loads of fun anyway. I’m close to a lot of my friend’s parents and siblings as a result which I’m grateful for now as an adult. Your DD is just being a typical teen but I’d be coming down quite firmly on it being unacceptable to exclude her own brother in his home.

StrongLikeMamma · 08/10/2025 03:23

dontmalbeconme · 07/10/2025 21:18

I think this is an easy one. You'd be utterly insane to allow 40+ 15 yr olds to have a (mostly unsupervised) alcohol fuelled house party in your home, so the answer is "no, absolutely not". This rather fortuitously resolves the problem of her twin not being invited.

This.

SpidersAreShitheads · 08/10/2025 04:29

yeahwhatev · 07/10/2025 23:21

Just as an addition to my earlier comment - and this is in no way relevant to the thread - but my 15yr old B/G twins are both autistic. DS has particularly high needs but they’ll both probably be at home with me for life.

On their birthdays and Christmas they like to sleep in the same bedroom and the both love sharing a birthday as it means there’s not the entire focus on them - there’s someone else to share the attention.

DS drives his twin batty and she often grumbles about him - but she is fiercely protective of him in their shared friendship group.

Our lives and challenges are very different to yours OP. But I do think twins have a special bond and I think it’s good to try and hold onto that even if their lives take them in different directions ❤️

Zanatdy · 08/10/2025 05:30

Big no to the 15yr old’s drinking and puking in my house. I’d never have agreed to that. Also no, these kids like you say probably not very nice to her twin at school, and she wants them in his house. Sorry but no regardless. I wouldn’t care whose parents were allowing it, great for them, I personally wouldn’t be letting a group of teens drink underage and trash my home.

CrazyGoatLady · 08/10/2025 06:43

Absolutely no to a teenage house party at 15! And certainly not with drink. I think that's the bigger issue than the twin one. If they're very different, they may not want to hang out, or go to each other's friends.

DS16 wanted a house party for his 16th, we said no. I know other parents have had them, and he's been to a couple over summer. But there's no way we are shipping out DS1 and three dogs to allow a bunch of teens to get pished and act the fool in our lovely house!

Jowak1 · 08/10/2025 06:48

Purely posting from experience of my 14 year old daughter having a party where 20 people max were invited. No way would I want 60 people my house and gardens aren’t big enough and that many people can easily get out of control. No alcohol too! My husband and I went to some friends house opposite and took it in turns to check on them. Sometimes even having a dance with them! They all had a fab time nothing got broken, no one sneaked alcohol in ( and as the adults checked every hour or so if there was any alcohol problems it could be swiftly sorted before getting out of control). My daughter had a great night and her friends said it was the best party they had been to! But please limit the numbers and no alcohol x

Dozer · 08/10/2025 06:56

DD is being unreasonable (60 people is ridiculous) and it’s nasty behaviour towards her sibling.

TimeForATerf · 08/10/2025 06:57

I don’t get the issue of having a separate party for her friends and not inviting her sibling. I have M/F siblings and neither invited the other to their parties. The only difference between my children and the OPs is they weren’t born at the same time.

A house party for 60 is bonkers though, 15 - 20 max in the garden, with no one indoors except to use the loo, parents and sibling remain in the house. They were always my rules.

We also didn’t have the first teenage party until 17 and sixth form, prior to that birthdays were a few friends doing a day out or meal.

Lionfisher · 08/10/2025 07:02

As a twin - I wouldn’t have minded not hanging out with my twin, we had different friends. However I would have appreciated my parents stepping in and saying it’s one thing thinking you’re cool at school, but you don’t get to leave out your twin at home.

Also, 40+ teenagers?? I think it would be a hard no just to bring her back onto the rails a bit. That’s a recipe for disaster and if it’s what she has to do to stay cool then she needs to reevaluate. How many of these other 40-60 people have hosted parties like this?

its either ten people at home, or something out. Forget the twin (and don’t make the twin the scapegoat), I wouldn’t be letting this happen. Summer when they can be outside maybe, not now.

Lionfisher · 08/10/2025 07:03

TimeForATerf · 08/10/2025 06:57

A house party for 60 is bonkers though, 15 - 20 max in the garden, with no one indoors except to use the loo, parents and sibling remain in the house. They were always my rules.

We also didn’t have the first teenage party until 17 and sixth form, prior to that birthdays were a few friends doing a day out or meal.

Look either you know what it’s like being a twin or you don’t. They’re not just m/f siblings. I say this as a m/f twin myself.

Velvian · 08/10/2025 07:09

I have a DD the same age. Not only would it be a hard no to any more than 15 friends in the house, I would be fuming if she was at a friend's house and served alcohol to the point of puking! Totally unacceptable!

I was sometimes inebriated at that age (my parents were really shit once I got to 12), I was sexually assaulted more than once, which has lifelong implications. It is not on.

ApricotCheesecake · 08/10/2025 07:19

I'm not as anti the party idea as most of the posters on this thread. We have a big garden (no one was allowed in the house!) and my DD hosted a 16th birthday party with around 35 kids and then an 18th birthday party with 65. It was fine - there was some alcohol around but no one threw up at the first one (as far as I know!), a couple of people did at the second one. Personally I would let her have the party. She has to invite her brother though. It sounds like he probably wouldn't want to come, which is fine, but it's not right to exclude him.

sundaychairtree · 08/10/2025 07:25

No. I think a small party out of tbe house without him would be passable. But being excluded from a big party including boys from his own year group, or any party in his own home feels like parent-condoned bullying by exclusion. Your dd is essentially saying that the party will be less good if he is there. What is he supposed to do with that?
Do they dislike each other or is it more her hating on him?

Dozer · 08/10/2025 07:29

He may ‘not want to come’ because his sister has made it clear she doesn’t want him there.

Soontobe60 · 08/10/2025 07:33

My DDs never had parties at home after the age of 12. They went to a fair few at other people’s homes, but no way was I going to let a rabble loose in my house! They begged every year - every year I said no. They survived, they still love me, it wasn’t the end of the world. When I hear tales of how other parties were wrecked by drunken teens, raided by police, complaints from neighbours and expensive items broken or stolen I known I made the right decision.

Sassylovesbooks · 08/10/2025 07:35

I don't see an issue with your daughter wanting a separate party from her twin brother - as long as she understands that whatever he decides to do for his birthday, she won't be coming! If she's going to exclude her brother, then she needs to understand that it works the other way too!! Suddenly you may find, she's not so keen! I understand your children are twins, but they are also individual people, and as such should be treated as so. They don't have to do things together, and at 15, I wouldn't expect them to, especially as they are different sexes. I think my only stipulation would be the party won't be on their actual birthday, it will be before/after, definitely not 60 children and not at home. The day of their birthday will be spent as a family (if they're at school, then you'll do something together in the evening). The same for your son, whatever he decides he wants, either after or before their birthday.

Silvertulips · 08/10/2025 07:38

The only reason she wants this is because they can drink. A load of 15 year olds go a bit manic and over do it, before long they hve emptied the garage. tote your washing line down and puked on the carpet, terrified the dog and generally been a pain in the arse.
Don’t do it -

20 Max and it’s kept off social media.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 08/10/2025 07:44

My 15 year old wouldn't be having a house party without the family there which would be default include her brother so 🤷 problem solved

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