You need other tools to use when or before you get to the point of shouting.
I like books, so some book recommendations:
My favourite is a series of books called How To Talk... the original one was "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk". It's great from about age 4 although I did find it useful with DS1 from age 2 or 3. The original was written in 1979 and does feel a little bit dated though it is definitely a classic and I would still recommend it.
There is a more up to date one (written by the original author's daughter!) for "Little Kids" which is more focused on the ages 3-7 which a lot of people like as well. They overlap so much there's no point getting both. Someone said the original has a better sense of the deeper philosophy behind it. I had read it so many times by the time I read the newer one, I couldn't say. The newer one seems a quicker and possibly slightly more accessible read. (The "what not to do" in the 80s version is very... 80s!)
The books by Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson are brilliant too - I've heard really good things about their recent one The Way of Play, but there is also No Drama Discipline which is more specifically about behaviour management.
There is also an amazing book called When Your Kids Push Your Buttons, which I always think is like therapy in a book. It's very cheap on kindle too!
If you're not keen on books hopefully others can recommend other resources. One thing you can quickly do if you have a spare 5-15 minutes which will probably help immediately:
- Write down your top 5 biggest or most frequent issues (e.g. here, you mentioned "not getting dressed in morning" "getting into bath" so those would be a good 2 to start you off).
- Turn it around to a positively-worded expectation - what do you WANT her to do (e.g. "get dressed on own within 5 min timescale")
- Take a second to look back on that and ponder if it's really a realistic expectation. Sometimes it is, which, great! Sometimes it's not and it's funny to recognise this. If it's not a realistic expectation, how can you adjust it? E.g. increase the time span, or acknowledge she is likely to need help with certain pieces of clothing.
- Is there anything you can do to increase her chance of success for this expectation in the future? For example, if you want her to get happily into the bath, consider getting a cheap set of bath toys or some magic flannels or coloured bath crystals or whatever and bring them out at bathtime to make it a positive experience. Or if she tends to get frustrated with her socks and give up, could you practice putting on socks with her - even make a game with it? To strengthen this skill and make it easier.
1-3 is honestly often enough. Because simply having looked at the expectation, adjusted it to reality, so e.g. you know to allow ~20 minutes for dressing rather than 5, and then put it into words is enough to shift your mindset in the moment from it being so frustrating that she is putting an obstacle in your way, to knowing what you're actually looking for, which means you're more likely to do something supportive towards it for her. If you usually get annoyed when she takes 6+ mins to get dressed but realise this is not enough time, allow 20 mins then you'll be pleased if she manages it within 15 mins.
It is also really hard to recognise in the moment when children are doing well. We tend to automatically react when they are being annoying or obstructive, and when they are just quietly getting on with something and not causing a problem, we are so busy with every other thought and thing we have to do that we often miss this, which means they get much more attention for unwanted behaviour than they do for behaviour you want to encourage. Highlighting it as an exercise means that you know what you're looking for and can actually go looking for it. So rather than be relieved she has got her trousers on without a fight, you are more likely to notice - hey!! She got her trousers on all by herself - and then because you're looking for this you can praise and recognise the behaviour immediately, which is much more likely to make her want to do it again. Most children want to please adults. (Some don't! But it makes sense to start with what works for the majority).