DD & DH Going on holiday

[Unorganisedchaos2]

Hi all,

For some context DH is a pretty lazy husband, almost all of the housework, shopping, cooking, clothes washing, ironing etc fall on me even though we both work full time. This is a huge issue for me and I've made it clear its not acceptable but that's a whole other thread.

I work from home so all the school runs haven fallen on me too, I cover all the school holidays: book the clubs, arrange family cover, play dates and take two weeks unpaid leave as well. Again I cover most of the reading, homework etc too.
This summer on one of the weeks I was off I took DD(6) for a road trip in the UK for 3 nights and we had a ball; it was great spending time together without rushing round and made some lovely memories.

I had booked off October half term (as normal) but DH suggested that him and DD go away for a few days as he saw how much I enjoyed it, thought it would be good for them to spend some time together and give me a break.

Honestly I've never been away from DD for more than one night but I think this is a good idea:

• I honestly believe they'll have an amazing time and it'll be great from them to have the time together.
• I petty part of me wants him to see what's involved with looking after a 6 year old continuously - he's more than capable just lazy.
• Im 3 months pregnant and shattered, this will be the first and last opportunity to have a break for a long time.
• I have things I've not had the time to do like some projects round the house so I could do these.

DH mentioned his plans to my Mum and she horrified that I would "let" him take her away for that length of time, I pointed out out that's hes a grown man and her Father and more than capable. For context I never had overnight stays as a child and my Mum always claimed she couldn't understand people who needed a break from their own children, she would scoff at mothers having "me time" however she never worked and it was the 80's so parenting was very different.

I've since mentioned it to a few friends and its 50-50 with some people thinking its a great idea and others being shocked about me happy to leave her for 3 nights.

So... am I terrible selfish mother or is this a reasonable thing to do??

It's totally fine, don't worry about it. She's with her dad not a random person

Why do these people think there’s something wrong with a child going away with her father for three days? What sort of backwards lunacy is this?!

It’s only a few days. Enjoy a little chill time for yourself- organise something for yourself that you couldn’t usually do. And don’t pay any attention to your mother’s strange opinion!

Your mum must have had her share of me time when the dc were at school. Just because she wouldn't have called it that!
if you're happy, OP, and don't mind staying behind (doesn't sound like you do) then it's a great idea. Don't run things past your mum in future!

I think it’s a lovely idea. Great opportunity for them to have quality time especially if it’s usually all you

Of course it’s fine. You must know some odd people…

But use the time to rest. And draw up a list of chores and childcare so your lazy h has to get his finger out and start pulling his weight, otherwise you will grow to resent him and you will divorce. Thing will only get harder with two DC.

She’s with her DAD!!!! She will be totally fine!!

Absolutely great idea.

My DH and I used to do this all the time. UK trips when DD was younger, abroad as she got older. Meant one of us was at home to manage the business and look after the animals.

Let them go and get your home life sorted before another child arrives.

Exactly, some parents just enjoy being a martyr and my Mother is one of them!

I am really looking forward to it, I didnt mean to come across like that like I'm not, I'd planned to get a pedicure, some things I want to watch on TV - Id even planned to go to M&S and get some yummy food that just I like 😄

They are staying in a caravan so if I get lonely I can always drive down and meet them.

DH was sorting out other logistics with my Mum thats how it came up, Id been putting off telling her funnily enough

It’s a great idea for some dad/daughter time. Both DH and I take our DS’s away separately each year so they get time with us individually to do things they want to do and visit places they choose. As an example DH took DS1 then aged seven to Amsterdam for a few days and they stayed in a hotel over looking the runway at Schipol as DS was so into planes. They should just go for it.

What is the issue - it is her father! They’ll have a great time

Your mum is stuck in the past, it’s mental to think a dad isn’t capable of looking after his own child for a few days.

Your relationship with your mum (and other friends / family) might in general take a bit of a hit as your husband is so happy for you to do an unfair amount of the heavy lifting in your family life but you’ve chosen to have another baby with him? Not fair on you as it’s not technically anyone else’s business but I know of quite a few couples with this dynamic and it’s painful to watch the woman keep having more and more piled on her plate with new children added to the family despite the husband being rubbish and not contributing fairly.

Your mum would have a heart attack at us 50/50 divorced coparents 🤣 in all seriousness, you’ll miss her but she’ll have a fab time and it’ll be a great experience for him too!

I completely agree, obviously there's alot more too as there always is but it is something Im trying to address. I'm hoping having DD for 3 days straight will at least show him what's involved there.

I grew up in the 80s and one of my earliest memories is of my dad looking after me for 10 days when I was 4 because my mum was away visiting her family.

I also remember him being really offended when one of her friends dropped off some food!

It's absolutely fine, stop doubting yourself and checking with everyone!

Oh and don't you dare pack for their trip! And don't spend all three days doing house jobs either, put your feet up or get out and see friends if you fancy

Hmm so no one is coming back and saying its a terrible idea, honestly you've all made me feel so much better - thank you. Im starting to look forward to it again now.

Regarding my Mum, again there's always more to it isn't there, and I wont bore you but her view is that women always do most of the house and child raising and I actually have a excellent husband because he works consistently and will occasionally empty the dishwasher. Unfortunately this mindset is why I've tolerated DHs laziness for so long. I also work from home which which she doesn't consider real work so her view is that I should be doing more anyway.

I think it’s a great idea , on many levels all of which you have said .. and it’s the perfect time with you being able to rest .. hope they both enjoy father daughter time .. I always went off with my dad .. we still talk about our little adventures

That's really lovely and just goes to show.

That's a really good point actually, not just clothes but for self catering I normally pack food, toiletries etc - it'll do him to see what goes into that prep too 😆

Yeah my dad looked after both of us in the 80s when my mum went away for a week with work.

i remember it fondly largely because he couldn’t cook so we got McDonald’s and chips and Indian all week!

Dh took our two away a couple of years ago and the unanimous conclusion was that he is nowhere near as much fun without me there to do the boring stuff 😅 so I would say absolutely go for it but be prepared for your dd to refuse to repeat the experience!

Oh and I did not pack - absolutely no chance was I risking being blamed for forgetting something. It was 100% down to the three of them.

Nothing wrong with this at all. Ignore the noise.

Not selfish at all, though i hope you use some of the time to rest and enjoy the peace, don’t just do house things 😊

Opposite with my dad - he was a brilliant cook, much better than my mum. We ate really well that week.. but he told me not to tell my mum I preferred his cooking because she would be offended.

Cultural expectations meant she had a lot invested in the idea of being a good cook and she was ok but he just had more natural talent for it. Later on in their marriage, she kinda accepted it and he would cook for guests and then we would pretend she had cooked 😂