DD & DH Going on holiday

[Unorganisedchaos2]

Hi all,

For some context DH is a pretty lazy husband, almost all of the housework, shopping, cooking, clothes washing, ironing etc fall on me even though we both work full time. This is a huge issue for me and I've made it clear its not acceptable but that's a whole other thread.

I work from home so all the school runs haven fallen on me too, I cover all the school holidays: book the clubs, arrange family cover, play dates and take two weeks unpaid leave as well. Again I cover most of the reading, homework etc too.
This summer on one of the weeks I was off I took DD(6) for a road trip in the UK for 3 nights and we had a ball; it was great spending time together without rushing round and made some lovely memories.

I had booked off October half term (as normal) but DH suggested that him and DD go away for a few days as he saw how much I enjoyed it, thought it would be good for them to spend some time together and give me a break.

Honestly I've never been away from DD for more than one night but I think this is a good idea:

• I honestly believe they'll have an amazing time and it'll be great from them to have the time together.
• I petty part of me wants him to see what's involved with looking after a 6 year old continuously - he's more than capable just lazy.
• Im 3 months pregnant and shattered, this will be the first and last opportunity to have a break for a long time.
• I have things I've not had the time to do like some projects round the house so I could do these.

DH mentioned his plans to my Mum and she horrified that I would "let" him take her away for that length of time, I pointed out out that's hes a grown man and her Father and more than capable. For context I never had overnight stays as a child and my Mum always claimed she couldn't understand people who needed a break from their own children, she would scoff at mothers having "me time" however she never worked and it was the 80's so parenting was very different.

I've since mentioned it to a few friends and its 50-50 with some people thinking its a great idea and others being shocked about me happy to leave her for 3 nights.

So... am I terrible selfish mother or is this a reasonable thing to do??

There are 2 parts to this post. Second part first - of course it’s right a father and daughter have a trip away

First part - why did you countenance another child with this lazy man? He hasn’t successfully taken the first away yet

DH regularly took all 3 kids away for a few days cycling to places when they were kids. Why not? They loved it....so did I !!!

Yes, let her go on this trip with her father

While they are away draw up a new regime for you and him to share a lot more of the household chores etc.

I am always surprised on this site how often odisenchanted OP's, describe their lazy,.peevish and passive aggressive husbands as a grown up men.

I think that description must apply to their height and not their obviously controlling, selfish, attitudes and immature ways.

Bon Voyage

Of course it’s fine!! Why are people so weird about a child being looked after by their own dad?!

I’m currently on a work trip to South Asia so DH has been a solo parent DS for a week. I’ve been asked a number of times who is ‘babysitting’ DS. Nobody ever asks DH that when he’s away.

Of course it’s fine for him to take her away. It’s very healthy for children to build 1:1 relationships with their parents, and it’s healthy for parents to have some time to themselves.

But don’t expect it to be eye opening for him. Looking after a child when you’re just having fun, can say yes to ice cream for every meal, don’t have to get out of the door on time for school, don’t have any housework to do, etc etc, is hugely different to day to day life.

It's a great idea for you to get a break

BUT

don't think it will be his "intro to being a parent course". It won't.
She probably won't shower or brush teeth for all 3 days. He won't have to do laundry. He won't be cooking cuz they'll probably eat out or eat pizzas. Etc.

So sure, you will have a break. Don't expect more benefits than that though. Find a different way to get him to shape up before the baby arrives.

Sounds great and perfect timing for them to bond before she starts having to share you both. Just make sure he has QT with the baby too else it might risk creating a divide btw him and DD/baby and you. She’s still your special girl and you’ll need to maintain that bond after the new little bloodsucker comes along

Perfectly reasonable. The only unreasonable thing in your post is your decision to have another baby with a man who does not pull his weight.

I think it is a good idea and maybe a time for you to have some me time as well?

You took her on holiday for 3 days so why can’t her dad do the same with her? You should’ve gone as a family of three in the summer but you didn’t.

Well sure i have no issue in one way bit if he os that useless how is having 2 children going to make it any easier in the first place?

And sure the holiday sounds fine but it's a holiday so sure you get a break but cant see a light bulb will go off after a few days holiday

Why should we? We do have holidays together, the three days was all I could manage time off and money wise as we already had a week in Greece together in May, a weeks road trip driving to Germany at the new year and a weekend in France in March?

He has kindly offered to collect my sister (who lives close-ish to where they are staying) but my mum was due to visit that week and might be bringing sister & niece back to where me & mum both live

Don't spend your three days 'off with your mum who sounds like she's going to be criticising you for the duration!!

You’re a hypocrite for not wanting your husband to take his daughter on holiday when you went alone with your daughter recently. You sound jealous.

Are you okay - you seem to have come on here just to pick a fight?

I asked a reasonable question which more than 50 people have managed to answer kindly

@ItsAWonderfulLifeforMe

ah maybe try building up the time he has her on his own? For your own benefit? You might want to have a night away with friends for example.

I didnt word that properly, my mum was due to visit my sister so they were discussing which one might bring her back.

I most definitely wont be spending the time with my mum 😅

It's exactly the same as you taking her away. It won't be that hard for him though as they are on holiday and normal things like getting out the door in time for school, cleaning and having to cook won't apply. You need to make him pull his weight before the baby arrives.

Why does anyone see a problem with a Dad taking his child away for a few days without Mum being there? I bet your Mum said diddly squat when you took your DD away without Dad. I think its lovely for parents to spend one to one with their kids sometimes without the other parent around. Enjoy the peace & quiet & relax, it'll be manic once the new baby arrives so make the most of the 'Me time' you can get now.

I think it's a great idea, and you will have a lovely bit of well-deserved 'me' time. I'm quite jealous.

Absolutely no worries about your husband taking your daughter away for a few days.

Lots of worries about you having a second child with someone who isn’t an active parent and partner… but I presume you’re ok being a quasi single parent to two children, or you wouldn’t be doing it?! In which case, knowing what lies ahead, try to use this time to rest and enjoy yourself, rather than do household jobs.

I bet your mum is a bit jealous because she didn’t get that kind of break. Don’t listen to her!
They’ll be fine, and you’ll get a bit of a rest. Rest when you’re pregnant is so precious and will do you so much good.

My partner and I have regularly taken our child for weekends by ourselves. My first one was 3 months old to visit family. His was maybe 8 months as I breastfed until 6 months. He took her glamping!
I really hope we both continue to do it, it's a lovely bonding experience

This sounds great fun to me .. times have moved on and your daughter will have lovely memories to look back on .
It's nothing to do with your mum .
I would try and come to a compromise on the household chores etc to maybe lighten the load a little for yourself
Tell him you'd appreciate some help if he is reasonable I'm sure he will help.

My DH has done this every year with both DC, and it’s been an amazing thing for all concerned, including me!

But I dont think three days of holiday will do anything to open your DH’s eyes to the work that’s involved. Not even if he books everything, packs everything, washes everything on return etc etc. It’ll just be all the fun stuff and a pile of washing for you when they get back. You really need to sort this out or your DD is going to grow up thinking what you do is normal (it most definitely isn’t).