Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

DD & DH Going on holiday

102 replies

Unorganisedchaos2 · 22/09/2025 15:08

Hi all,

For some context DH is a pretty lazy husband, almost all of the housework, shopping, cooking, clothes washing, ironing etc fall on me even though we both work full time. This is a huge issue for me and I've made it clear its not acceptable but that's a whole other thread.

I work from home so all the school runs haven fallen on me too, I cover all the school holidays: book the clubs, arrange family cover, play dates and take two weeks unpaid leave as well. Again I cover most of the reading, homework etc too.
This summer on one of the weeks I was off I took DD(6) for a road trip in the UK for 3 nights and we had a ball; it was great spending time together without rushing round and made some lovely memories.

I had booked off October half term (as normal) but DH suggested that him and DD go away for a few days as he saw how much I enjoyed it, thought it would be good for them to spend some time together and give me a break.

Honestly I've never been away from DD for more than one night but I think this is a good idea:

  • I honestly believe they'll have an amazing time and it'll be great from them to have the time together.
  • I petty part of me wants him to see what's involved with looking after a 6 year old continuously - he's more than capable just lazy.
  • Im 3 months pregnant and shattered, this will be the first and last opportunity to have a break for a long time.
  • I have things I've not had the time to do like some projects round the house so I could do these.

DH mentioned his plans to my Mum and she horrified that I would "let" him take her away for that length of time, I pointed out out that's hes a grown man and her Father and more than capable. For context I never had overnight stays as a child and my Mum always claimed she couldn't understand people who needed a break from their own children, she would scoff at mothers having "me time" however she never worked and it was the 80's so parenting was very different.

I've since mentioned it to a few friends and its 50-50 with some people thinking its a great idea and others being shocked about me happy to leave her for 3 nights.

So... am I terrible selfish mother or is this a reasonable thing to do??

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
GingerIsBest · 22/09/2025 15:54

My brother's wife won't "allow" him to take their DC to visit us without her becuase she doesn't trust him to look after them.

I find myself asking, regularly, why is she even married to him if she thinks he's that incompetent?!

Let them go. Have a wonderful time at home. And top tip - don't plan TOO many chores etc. Definitely just enjoy some time where you are not on call the entire time (and discourage your DH from letting her use his phone to call you a lot!).

Ravnurin · 22/09/2025 15:56

I think it’s a great idea! It’s not about you having a break from her, it’s about him having a break with her. It will do him good for the reasons you’ve listed, it’ll do her good to have that 1-1 time with her dad, it’ll do you good to have the alone time. Them having a break together could be a good opportunity to trigger a reset in terms of the domestic load too.

pizzaHeart · 22/09/2025 16:05

It’s a great idea especially as you might be busy with a newborn later and he would be more involved with her logically. And other people are right - she would remember these special moments for all her life.

By the way I wouldn’t go full “teach him a lesson “ approach and would help him genuinely with hints and advices. You don’t want to scare him off for life do you ?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester 6 year olds Families General parenting
Blarn · 22/09/2025 16:12

Dh takes our two dc on little breaks quite regularly as he does shift work and is often off in the holidays. They have a great time! I miss them all but its really nice that they get to do it. We split chores and childcare etc well so I never had any 'how would he cope' worries.

noidea69 · 22/09/2025 16:15

Unorganisedchaos2 · 22/09/2025 15:43

Hmm so no one is coming back and saying its a terrible idea, honestly you've all made me feel so much better - thank you. Im starting to look forward to it again now.

Regarding my Mum, again there's always more to it isn't there, and I wont bore you but her view is that women always do most of the house and child raising and I actually have a excellent husband because he works consistently and will occasionally empty the dishwasher. Unfortunately this mindset is why I've tolerated DHs laziness for so long. I also work from home which which she doesn't consider real work so her view is that I should be doing more anyway.

you'll get some martyrs along at some point saying they couldn't bare to be away from their child for 45minutes.

OllysArmyRidesAgain · 22/09/2025 16:32

Another here agreeing it is a great idea.

My DC are now grown but as children DH was often away for work and when he was back would offer to look after the DC, and if that involved a night or 2 away then I was fine with it. I love my DC but we didn't need to be together 24/7

indoorplantqueen · 22/09/2025 17:26

It’s a complete non issue. Take the time to rest.

Fesnying · 22/09/2025 17:33

It's fine. Bizarre that 50 per cent of people in your life think there's something wrong with it. Sounds perfectly ordinary to me.

Untailored · 22/09/2025 17:59

Perfectly normal thing to do. You need to find a way to care less about your mother’s opinions - easier to say than do but work on it.

I can recommend the Tom Kerridge range at M&S!

TizerorFizz · 22/09/2025 18:04

And you are having another baby with this amazing man? Yet more drudgery? Why?

MouldyCandy · 22/09/2025 19:16

OP, your DH has "plans". From what you've said, at the moment it's all talk and no action. Has he booked any accommodation yet? Booked travel tickets? Researched things to do? Where to eat etc? I doubt it.

Plus he's casually mentioned it to your Mum so she can "poo poo" the idea and he has a get out clause as, "your Mum doesn't think it's a good idea."

I hope I'm wrong but I suspect the Daddy: Daughter holiday is not going to happen.

TalulahJP · 22/09/2025 19:20

While youre having your break from the family, invest in a nice big whiteboard and write down a list of chores and Wife Work that needs done on a weekly/monthly/annual basis, putting all of your names on it ready. The chores can be allocated out to all of you in a more fair way. It’s not just your job. I wouldn’t be breeding with anyone ss lazy as him but that horse has bolted lol!

Prior to the holiday I’d suggest you go stay at your mums overnight so dd can get used to being with her father without you holding the reins. That’ll give her confidence when shes away on her little holiday.

daysfilledwithdappledlight · 22/09/2025 19:22

Sounds like a wonderful idea for all the reasons you listed ❤️ Listen to you, not to other people x

LondonLady1980 · 22/09/2025 19:24

My husband has been taken taking our children abroad without me since they were two years old for periods of up to 2-3 weeks.

I also got lots of 'comments' OP (and I still do even though it has been 8 years since the tradition started) so I empathise!

Just let them go and enjoy the rest!!

NerrSnerr · 22/09/2025 19:34

Are the people in your life thinking it’s such a bad idea because he’s such a lazy fucker? Of course it’s not an issue for a dad to take his own child away. It is an issue that you’re the one doing everything around the house, the holiday childcare and the school runs: if that doesn’t change now he’ll expect you to do even more on your next maternity leave and that’ll be that (but everyone will remember how much of a ‘good dad’ he is for taking his child away once).

BruFord · 22/09/2025 19:41

We have two (DD and DS) and DH has taken both of them on individual breaks. As teenagers, he’s taken each of them on a long holiday abroad. I’ve travelled with them individually as well.

I think that having one-to-one time with a parent is great for children. I suspect that your DD and DH will have a lovely time- and so will you. Spoil yourself!!

Wannabedisneyprincess · 22/09/2025 20:08

My DH took our DD also 6 away for a few nights in the summer and they had a great time, I had our DS 3 at home and was working so not quite as a relaxing break but take the time and opportunity now as it doesn’t sound like your DH will take on more when you have 2 DC

Original poster
Unorganisedchaos2 · 22/09/2025 20:30

MouldyCandy · 22/09/2025 19:16

OP, your DH has "plans". From what you've said, at the moment it's all talk and no action. Has he booked any accommodation yet? Booked travel tickets? Researched things to do? Where to eat etc? I doubt it.

Plus he's casually mentioned it to your Mum so she can "poo poo" the idea and he has a get out clause as, "your Mum doesn't think it's a good idea."

I hope I'm wrong but I suspect the Daddy: Daughter holiday is not going to happen.

I appreciate what you’re saying after me saying he’s so useless but it’s not the case.

The caravan has been booked for weeks (I’ve seen the confirmation) & he’s been looking at activities to book once they open, things to do in the local areas etc

Apparently he also has a provisional packing list as well (amazing what they can do when pressed)

He has kindly offered to collect my sister (who lives close-ish to where they are staying) but my mum was due to visit that week and might be bringing sister & niece back to where me & mum both live - which is why he discussed it with her

OP posts:
Original poster
Unorganisedchaos2 · 22/09/2025 20:38

LondonLady1980 · 22/09/2025 19:24

My husband has been taken taking our children abroad without me since they were two years old for periods of up to 2-3 weeks.

I also got lots of 'comments' OP (and I still do even though it has been 8 years since the tradition started) so I empathise!

Just let them go and enjoy the rest!!

This is great - I think it’s great that either parent can take their child away and experience all that comes with that - surely the benefit of having two parents is that they get different experiences.

I wouldn’t expect DH & DD’s break away to resemble mine and DD’s break and rightly so - I’m sure they’ll have a ball

OP posts:
Original poster
Unorganisedchaos2 · 22/09/2025 20:45

BruFord · 22/09/2025 19:41

We have two (DD and DS) and DH has taken both of them on individual breaks. As teenagers, he’s taken each of them on a long holiday abroad. I’ve travelled with them individually as well.

I think that having one-to-one time with a parent is great for children. I suspect that your DD and DH will have a lovely time- and so will you. Spoil yourself!!

Thank you very much. I know that friends who have older children have always enjoyed one on one time with each a child.

I honestly enjoy DD’s company and I know DH does as-well - they have had days together which they’ve loved, it’s so important for bonding - I’m sure they’ll have a great time

I plan on having a few treats and being totally refreshed when they come back

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 22/09/2025 20:52

Ofcourse a father can take care of his child! Who are your friends who claim the opposite? Either their husbands are unreliable potheads or...as I suspect they envy you for 1. Your free time 2. That you're married to a guy who actually wants to go away with his daughter. I think it's brilliant and it's a very good opportunity for them to get even closer because he will need to step up with her once you have another baby to take care of.

Mummyslittlegiraffe · 22/09/2025 21:28

🤣😂🤣 DH has taken DD (now 5) away twice for a week each time on his family summer holiday. It’s bloody marvellous having a week at home to myself, even if I’m working!
Send them on their way, wish them well and then take a trip to M&S or Waitrose and buy all of the yummy food you wouldn’t normally eat 🐷
FWIW I also have fond memories of a summer where my parents couldn’t afford to take us on holiday, but Mum worked in the shop a day a week, so Dad could take us on day trips (think beach, bus to the next city etc).

LondonLady1980 · 22/09/2025 22:18

Unorganisedchaos2 · 22/09/2025 20:38

This is great - I think it’s great that either parent can take their child away and experience all that comes with that - surely the benefit of having two parents is that they get different experiences.

I wouldn’t expect DH & DD’s break away to resemble mine and DD’s break and rightly so - I’m sure they’ll have a ball

Show quote history

Absolutely!!!

I am TERRIFIED of flying and I cannot bear the heat, I hate it with a passion.

Going abroad is my worst nightmare!!!

So I happily wave them all off and enjoy having a few weeks of peace whilst they go and enjoy the sunshine.

CrownCoats · 22/09/2025 22:22

Completely normal and healthy. My husband regularly takes our kids away for weekends. Weird that anyone would react negatively to it. My friends and family all think it’s brilliant.

mindutopia · 22/09/2025 22:28

It’s a fab idea. Dh and I both take ours away 1 to 1. I took ds to Spain at 8 months on my own. I took dd to Italy when she was 6. Both for probably 4-5 days. Dh took dd (now 12) to France for 2 weeks last summer. It’s lovely to have that time together. Not weird at all.