Do all kids need help getting ready in the mornings?

[MonsterBoo]

Do all kids need constant nagging and prompting to get ready in the mornings for school? Someone told me this is normal and all kids require constant prompts and help to get ready in the mornings. This isn't my experience when I started secondary my mum no longer woke up in the mornings we were expected to get up alone, ready, pack whatever was needed and leave on time and we weren't allowed to wake her either if we did she would go mad. But maybe times have changed (secondary age only)

At secondary age wouldn’t expect a child to need to be told what to if they’re NT and have been taught when they were younger how to do it. I would expect the parents to be up and ready and expect they may need a few reminders to get a move on.

If they need constant prompts then they need some support to create a routine with a to do list.

So they still need prompts? Any type of prompts really.. I thought most would be just able to get ready without any prompts

I'd probably expect a parent to be around but not actively helping, but that's probably just because it was my own childhood so seems normal to me! My mum needed to be up at the same time for work, and so she was there and we had a chat etc. In terms of prompts it was probably increasingly incredulous looks at the clock (she felt we left far too late for the train).

In secondary, my Mum might have made sure I was awake but she left for work before I left for school most days. She wouldn’t check that I had got the right things for school or that I was leaving for school on time - I’d just face the consequences at school if I didn’t.

Not all children do but some will.

every child is different I have three in secondary school, we leave at 7.45 am i don't really interact with them until we are in the car, everyone in the house is doing their own thing busy getting organised/fed. They are always up and ready on time.

Once my children were in secondary I would make sure they were awake at first, but then they would get themselves ready and out for the school bus in time.

In fact by the end of primary I would have expected them to get ready for me to take them, with just a prompt of we are leaving 5 mins.

I do think it depends on the child and the routine of the household. I was in a Zoom meeting recently and someone left the call temporarily to wake their son up so that he would make it to work on time. His son is 21 and has no specific needs - apart from apparently needing to set an alarm for himself. I was a bit taken aback because after primary school it was very much the case that I got myself up (had a radio alarm clock), brushed my teeth, had a wash, got dressed and got my breakfast ready before I left for the school bus. Mum made us get our bags and uniform ready the night before. Mum was there in case we were ill or whatever, but she was getting ready for work too and doing other bits and pieces like feeding the cats (it was our job to feed the cats at the weekends).

I have 2 in secondary eldest appears downstairs like magic at 7:30 every morning dressed, brushed, bag in hand. The 12 yo who just started had to be nagged to get out of bed. Clean vlothes , no not the ones thst have spent the night scrunched on the floor, no idea location of bag / shoes. What we did for eldest was set lots of alarms on phone. Get up, get dressed, brush teeth, wash face, until he got into a routine. 12 yo is a work in progress

Ok thanks all my son won't get ready in the morning and refuses to get dressed I need to nag him over and over for him to do it people told me this was normal

My mum wasn't awake by the time I left for school! Sometimes I would bring her a cup of tea before I left. That was in the early 2000s.

My dd is 12 (Y8). She doesn’t need to be told what to do, but she does need help with time keeping. She will wake up at 7, spend 40 minutes brushing her hair if left to it, and then freak out that she only has 15-20 minutes left to do everything else and get to the bus stop.

I didn’t need this at her age or have it. My mum was a single parent with a 90 minute commute to work. She left at like 6:30am. There wasn’t anyone around to tell me what to do or get me out the door. In contrast, most mornings, dd has me and Dh around. I think she probably would be just fine if she was left on her own. But she just never has been.

I have 2 in school one is great up ready gets own breakfast and watches tv the older one teenager I spend my whole morning shouting are you up yet I don't hear movement, your going to be late im going to come up and take your quilt if you don't get up. Obviously when hes finally up he gets himself ready

I work mornings. Both of mine have been excellent at getting themselves ready from mid Primary years onwards.

My year 4 and 5 children get ready relatively unprompted in the mornings.

I do wake them up, make sure they are out of bed and Ieave their clothes on the back of a chair the night before.

The rule in the morning is no TV or electronics until they are ready to leave so they eat, get washed, dressed and pop their shoes without any fuss most days.

We leave the house at 7.15 so there isn't much time for messing around.

I wake them up and remind them to do their teeth. Everything else I leave up to them for the most part.

How old is he? Why does he refuse to get dressed and does he eventually get dressed? Can you talk to him about what is expected of him? If he is still sleepy then he isn't getting enough sleep so he needs to go to bed earlier, come off tech earlier and if he doesn't already, his phone gets handed over to a parent. You can use an alarm clock or Alexa speaker or whatever to set an alarm to wake them.

To set them up for success when mine were in late primary mine they had a chart of what to do and they ticked off the boxes as they did stuff. I had already shown them what happens if you don't brush your teeth with the help of fantastic photos online so that was always done.

For secondary they got themselves up, into the shower, dressed, breakfast whilst chatting in the kitchen to each other plus me and Dh, teeth brushed, jumper on, last check of their bag whilst looking at their timetable (several print outs pinned up around the house) then out the door.

He hates school and always has hence why he won't do it, he is 11.

My experience at secondary is the same as yours. Was expected to get up and get myself out of the door. I also had to do this in primary school to. Onto parenting my own children (boys) and it was a very different ball game constant nagging and a daily hunt for the fucking shoes! To be honest I hated getting up on my own so I always got up with my boys

Once I was in secondary school my mum left at half 6 and my dad left at 7. I got up with my dad and made everyone's lunches whilst he took the dogs for a walk.
My mum phoned at half 7 to check we were all awake but we were responsible for getting ready and out on time.
My parents never knew if I had pe or food tech or what subjects we had for the day we had to ensure we had done all our homework and had the right kit for the day.

At secondary I went in and woke them/ made sure they were awake they got themselves ready. Same as the later primary school years.
When I was that age I was left to my own devices, but that’s not what I want for my children.

Perhaps I'm looking back through rose tinted specs, but I never needed prompting. My mother wouldn't have really noticed that I was lagging. I had an alarm clock from about age 8 (start of primary) and that was that. There was no family breakfast or anything as wholesome as that on offer but cereal was available for those who wanted to help themselves.

But of course in those ancient times there was no morning TV let alone the internet to distract anyone.

Hmm I understand but I do wish my child was a bit more independent they have to learn at some stage although obviously primary is different.

My DD never needs nagging, my DS is a different story. Both secondary.

My mum would get us up and have breakfast ready and a fire lit ( we didn't have central heating so the fire was lit to warm the living room in the colder months) - dad would have them washed and ironed for us as we got older we had to do that ourselves. Then we got up and washed dressed and then walked ourselves down to the bus stop. My youngest sister was a nightmare when she came along she was so spoiled she couldn't get herself awake and dressed in time and always made us late. We would leave without her and get in trouble for not waiting even though waiting meant we would miss the bus. Mum ended up driving us into school as she was fed up of the youngest always making everyone late.
I think some prompts are normal.