Do all kids need help getting ready in the mornings?

[MonsterBoo]

Do all kids need constant nagging and prompting to get ready in the mornings for school? Someone told me this is normal and all kids require constant prompts and help to get ready in the mornings. This isn't my experience when I started secondary my mum no longer woke up in the mornings we were expected to get up alone, ready, pack whatever was needed and leave on time and we weren't allowed to wake her either if we did she would go mad. But maybe times have changed (secondary age only)

I was terrible for needing prodding initial at least 15. But I am an organised and prompt adult. I was much better at getting myself out of the house once I could drive and was totally in control of being late.

Eldest was always ready without prompts.
Middle needed a few nudges. Had several detentions for lateness at senior school:
Youngest does not like getting out of bed but once up will get sorted with minimal intervention. I do still make his breakfast some school mornings because I need to leave a few mornings before him so at the very least I know he’s up and dressed and will have a better chance of leaving on time!

The summer has been lovely only being responsible for getting myself up and ready 😂

We set the routine throughout primary. Clothes out and bags packed the night before.

I always looked in on them in the mornings to say good morning, until they went to uni.

They had breakfast put out/made every morning until they were 18. DS was dropped for the school bus. DS to school. We left at 7.30.

My mother did the same for me.

It's called nurture.

He's been a school refuser since he started so unfortunately not been that easy but I've tried to get him to understand the importance of secondary school and the consequences of being late

A lot of this seems to depend on if there is a parent around!

My mum drove us to school and I definitely needed chivvying.

We are both around and don’t leave before DD and we’ve probably hand held her too much but she has never been a morning person. And I don’t want her missing the school bus as I’m paying through the nose for it!

Yes same even with housework so we all know what gets done when so we all do it without thinking about it

My mum used to leave me to it on a morning, though if I was running especially late she would get up and drive me in (still in her pajamas). She never checked I had the right books or stuff, but I regularly didn't, so not sure that one was really a 'I managed fine'

My 12 year old needs a lot of prompting and reminders, but she does have adhd.

When I was her age my parents didn't do the same for me, but I was constantly late and forgot things, so I was probably quite similar.

But then you would be punished for it and that's how children learn surely? And you won't forget next time..

My 9yo ds gets himself fully ready, makes his own breakfast etc and is never late. 12yo ds will get up when his alarm goes off but I have to keep checking in with him to make sure he's completed all the stages of getting ready. He is slowly getting better.

A lot of it is going to come down to enthusiasm of not for school so it isn’t really a surprise your son is not spritely in the morning if he’s not that keen.

My eldest is only y5 and we’ve just done a school move. Obviously we’re only a week in but the change in the morning has been significant. Set her own alarm for 6.30 and got herself totally sorted without prompting whereas last term she was equally capable but didn’t really want to go as she didn’t like her old school so was much less motivated.

He has started secondary this year so it's a different school and he has had a detention on his first week because of lateness 😒

@MonsterBooif your Ds is a school refuser your morning routine around school has been stressful for a long time so it’s not surprising you dream of having a more independent child who doesn’t need much prompting. Had he had any help for the issue?
One of mine was a school refuser and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. It’s in no way the same as it’s hard to get them out of bed and out on time because they are a bit slow. It’s usually anxiety based and telling them school is important will not have much effect because he knows that but won’t be able to help how he feels.
My experience was that it did get better but only after help through camhs.
You should speak to the school and let them know the difficulties he is experiencing.

He has only just started secondary school his previous schools "help" was threatening to fine me or turning up at my house in the mornings or calling me in for constant meetings which I'd rather avoid..

You should look to see if the LEA has as an ESBNA tool kit and ask school to complete it. Do you think he maybe ND?

Perhaps start another thread asking about school refusing children only? They may have strategies that can help you.
My kids generally like school, so strategies such as only reminding them of the time and occasionally letting them fail and actually arrive late and face the consequences works for them, but it doesn’t sound like this would work for you.

It's ok I've had lots of advice on another group I'm on but it's not something that would work for us like sending him to breakfast club I mean how can I do that when I can barely get him to school 🙄 he is not ND.

I asked about ND because 84% of children with attendance issues are autistic. And what will work for those children may different to what works for NT children. Perhaps join facebook group ‘Not fine in
school’.

11 seems much younger to me because where I am dc don’t start secondary until closer to 13. Mine weren’t independent at that stage - one needed multiple calls, and both needed a lot of warmth and comfort. Making a hot breakfast, laying out uniform, waking up with a cuddle were all ways of giving that.

Both of mine regressed a bit at the start of secondary. We had months of tummy pains too. But by 13 and a half dd was independent, waking herself up, getting her own uniform, packing her bag, spending ages in the bathroom in a fragrant cloud of products, etc.

DS was slower, nearly 16, though I still call him. That’s next on my list to phase out. He is autistic though so there’s a few years lag in emotional maturity, and we’re still dealing with bouts of school refusal.

I always preferred a longer morning than a rushed one, and I’ve taken the approach of letting them push me away. One of the advantages for them in taking charge, is that they can sleep a bit later now than when they were younger.

They both still have bedtimes, which they object to, but that’s tough. They’re allowed sleep to their own hours on holidays, but in term time there’s a screen cut off, and a bedtime. I don’t actually police it, because it’s just understood what’s expected on a school night. But their natural hours run later than the school system allows for.

It’s ok to do what works for your family.

I think ths issue is the consequence is on you really, so he won't learn from being late and punished. The chances are he couldn't care less about a detention, but you would care about threats of fines, being called into meetings etc.

My eldest liked school and needed no prompts. My youngest has asd and goes to a special school so its different.

I have one who needs constant nagging but with nagging will get them self ready and usually remember everything (might forget to brush teeth or PE kit every now and again) and one who is completely independent. The younger one is independent. Both parented the same. I think it depends on the nature of the child. I do wonder if I had never been around to nag in the mornings, would the older one have learnt... Because they would have no choice!