Am I right to punish my toddler if he’s weeing on things on purpose?

[mam1998]

My toddler is four the start of November. He’s fully toilet trained however lately he has been weeing on purpose and finds it funny. Taking him to bed tonight he he weed all over his bed before putting his nighttime pull up on. She we’ve taken away his toys and sat him on the naughty step. We have started punishing him for weeing and I don’t know if we’re right in doing this? As I know people say don’t tell them off for weeing but I’m 99% sure he’s doing it on purpose and if that’s the case do we enforce punishment?

Behaviour is a communication. Why is he doing it. This level of punishment is mental for a pre school child.

I agree with pp , lots of kids would look at the cleaning as a positive, “ look at how important they are, & the big job they’re doing ,” just like a grown up person
They’d be no stopping him 😂 😂

Hello OP! My DD went through a phase of this. I used to get her to help with the cleaning up and then would say "We don't have time for story now". She would get upset as she loves story time but she cut it out pretty quickly!

Also, you are 💯 right about night time dryness being hormonal. Both my kids were potty trained in the day time at age 2. 1 was dry at night at the same time, one took until almost 7. She never woke up even when she had the accident, absolutely no way of training out of that, even the GP said it was normal.

Correct. He's communicating that he thinks it's fun to piss all over the house and make his mother spend her time cleaning up after him. And the OP is allowed to communicate through behaviour too. Flippancy aside - what this child is communicating is a question about what's acceptable. He wants to be told what the rules are and he wants it to be explained and shown to him very clearly.

How do you teach children what's acceptable or where the lines are that they must not cross, if not by responding with annoyance and imposing a direct and explicitly predicted consequence for behaviour that is not ok?

A child of four is not a babe in arms. You do children on the cusp of heading to school no favours by letting them get away with completely unacceptable behaviour.

He's absolutely old enough to clean up his own pee and carry his own bedding (and anything else he pissed on) to the washing machine.

Maybe tell him babies wee on the bed and floor. Big boys like him wee in the toilet.

This.

I was responding to the PP who said pull ups aren’t normal at 4.

Why is it that parents cannot be firm these days? He won’t remember weed on toys being removed? How unhealthy to keep them without a good wash anyway. They should be taken away. Plus if he’s weed on the duvet, it’s not just a case of making up the bed with a new sheet is it? If he’s weed on the bottom sheet it will have gone through that unless there’s a waterproof topper. Why can children not be told you are cross and angry with them? It does them no favours to behave like it doesn’t matter. It does. Try this stunt on toys at school and see what happens!

I don’t agree with the naughty step. Or taking away the toys as they have no relevance to what he has actually done and is too young to sit and contemplate.

He should help clean up the mess as a consequence.

I would look at why he is doing this. It’s obviously to get a reaction. Good or bad he is getting attention. Does he need more 121 time. More connection? Something is lacking and he is acting up because of it.

@JayJayj They do have relevance if he’s weed on them!

That's why behaviour is absolutely shocking these days.Nobody tells kids off any more.

She said he weed on the bed so took away his toys and put him on the naughty step. So no it has absolutely no relevance in this situation at all.

If he had weed on his toys they’d be taken to be washed anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

I thought toys were weed on so they were taken away. There is some behaviour that needs a firm response and if it doesn’t happen again, toys returned!

Mum of 3 here .
He is 4 so of course it is completely acceptable for him to need a Pull up nappy at night .
He is definitely being “ naughty “ and I can appreciate that this will really be tiring for you and delay bedtime by a fair bit 😢
Natural consequences such as by the time you’ve cleaned up it’s far too late for the story ??
or whatever part of the routine he has needs to be cut short .
If he deliberately wees on the sofa , same thing happens.
Now mum is too busy cleaning to play a game , that sort of thing .
For the sake of your sofa you could get a single bed size waterproof backed sheet and that will stop the seat cushions getting ruined , I’m assuming you have a few waterproof backed sheets for his bed anyway ?

Exactly, the consequences are that “ oh dear , mummy is too busy cleaning now to do that game or story or whatever “

Who said the toys won’t be washed ? ????
People here are saying more ridiculous things by the minute 🙄
And getting angry with a 3 going on 4 year old ..
Will you pull yourself aside please ffs !

How are they to learn where the lines are if they don't see that some things are acceptable to the parent and some are not?

It is perfectly fine to get angry and to show a 3 or 4 year old by your demeanour that their behaviour has displeased you. They learn by the level of your displeasure that behaviour is along a spectrum ranging from completely acceptable to absolutely not. This is something they need to learn and want to learn. At the same time, it is important to 'catch them' engaging in behaviour you want to encourage and offer praise for the helping, cooperation, sharing, behaving as asked in the supermarket, etc.

What a good few people here are advocating is deferring all instruction in behaviour until a much later age than the truly formative years, as if they're in thrall to the 'noble savage' model of Rousseau. Teaching behaviour should start early if it's to be successful. It's very hard to reestablish who is in charge in a home if a child has been given the impression up to age 7 or 8 (or later) that he or she is, and it makes adaptation to the school environment unnecessarily difficult for the child.

@Missj25? I was responding to toys being taken away! If peed on they should be!!! Why cannot dc be deprived of something if they will not stop doing something totally unacceptable? It’s not ok and dc needs to know this. Clearly stated and repeat performance punished by something appropriate. Toys returned when this behaviour stops. It an incentive to stop! Better then a sticker they don’t care about.

Completely agree with you.
A child of nearly 4 should be told off and told in no uncertain terms that that type of behaviour is completely unacceptable and punished for behaving in that way( removing toys, no stories, not going to the park etc) and told that he will be punished every time he does it.

love this