Am I right to punish my toddler if he’s weeing on things on purpose?

[mam1998]

My toddler is four the start of November. He’s fully toilet trained however lately he has been weeing on purpose and finds it funny. Taking him to bed tonight he he weed all over his bed before putting his nighttime pull up on. She we’ve taken away his toys and sat him on the naughty step. We have started punishing him for weeing and I don’t know if we’re right in doing this? As I know people say don’t tell them off for weeing but I’m 99% sure he’s doing it on purpose and if that’s the case do we enforce punishment?

Stay calm and get him to clear it up with you us great advice. He needs to be inconvenienced rather than judged, as it works better.

Yes it absolutely is.

A very quick Google search will show you that you are wrong. It is entirely normal between ages of 3- 5 and not unusual for some children to take longer.

@GeorgiePorge

It was never considered normal until the manufacturers of disposal nappies and pull ups put out the idea to sell their product.

Google also has this information too.

What? My child has been dry through the night from age 2 but that’s out of my control. I toilet trained him but I can’t train him when he’s sleeping. We just ended up with a child who happened to sleep through without peeing from age 2. It was nothing we did.

It is entirely normal, even up to the age of 8 or more.

https://patient.info/doctor/paediatrics/nocturnal-enuresis-in-children

If he is doing this to prolong the bedtime routine then just make up a double layered bed - waterproof sheet, normal one then waterproof & normal on top.
This means that you can just whip the top two layers off in seconds and continue with the routine. Mission unaccomplished!
Definitely worth some sort of consequence, either 'stick' or 'carrot' - you might know what works. He needs to know you disapprove but try for minimum attention and fuss at bedtime. I think getting a 4 year old to help strip & load the machine (whilst useful as part of the daytime routine amd possibly fun) would just be a delaying tactic and night-time routine disturbed.
This too shall pass - all the best!!

Have you been around children at all? At age 4 is entirely usual to still be having pull up at night 🤨 Night time dry usually comes later than day time.
As for the suggestion of no bedding - you know that is abusive and neglectful right 🤯🙄 Not appropriate at any age let alone a four year old! What planet are you on?!

It absolutely is. Not for all four year olds, or even for the majority but it’s entirely within the parameters of “normal”.

Ds only stopped using a pull up at night at 4, I don't think it's that unusual if they are bed wetting fairly often still.

Around the same time I walked in to his room to find him randomly weeing into a box of toy cars 🙄

Like others have said, don't make a huge issue and he will hopefully get bored quickly.

I had five DCs, all on Planet Earth. None of them wore any kind of nappy or pull-up past day one of potty training. The method I used was very successful.

They grew up in a home where they had warm pajamas and central heating, and could often be found asleep with their bedding tossed off their beds in the morning.

There is nothing wrong with natural consequences for deliberately pissing on your bedding. A child of four is old enough to put two and two together and perhaps think again about the mild discomfort of sleeping in a bed without his usual duvet if a repeat performance crosses his mind.

Is there no such thing as earm pajamas where you live? No central heating?

Your opinion is ridiculous.

I'm not, I assure you.

It's really misguided to put up with completely unacceptable behaviour from a child who is seriously inconveniencing a parent and treating the parent and home with disrespect. If he won't listen to reprimands, then natural consequences should be brought to bear.

You are. You’re suggesting leaving a 3 year old with no bedding. You may not realise it, but you are an abuser.

Thank you all for your advice it’s been very useful advice and I will try a new approach going to focus more of positive rewarding for when he hasn’t done it, and like suggested perhaps take marbles away for a jar when he does it. But I agree in future I might get a better outcome making less fuss as possible. Usually when he wee’s on things I clean it up properly then afterwards I will give him soap and water to clean up himself. Thanks for all your advice.

also, a couple have mentioned how it’s not normal for nighttime pull-ups? I’m of the belief that bed wetting is due to hormones and can’t be controlled or trained and will stop when it stops. most nights he is dry and I did stop with the pull ups but then it started happening frequently again so I’d rather him have one for bedtime just incase as it’s not doing any harm.

Good grief. I too have potty trained my children, including my 3yo who is dry at night. Never once did I need to make them sleep without bedding. The natural consequence is that they remake the bed. Not that they sleep without one. You sound horrible.
Ops child is only 3 years old! Very little.

Yes carry on with the pull ups. The main poster who was against them sounds like a psycho and an abusive parent, so I wouldn’t be taking their views into account!

I can offer a bit of perspective on the issues raised, though my DS was a bit younger (3) when he did this a few times on purpose, most likely for attention (he also took a dump in the garden once and said he was pretending to be a dog!)

I didn’t get mad on any occasion, nor did I do any of the OTT things suggested above.

I was just nonchalant about it but made it clear that because it had happened we couldn’t do something nice that I had “planned” for him.

”Oh, that’s a pity- I was going to take you to the park/ for an ice cream/ do some crafts before bed, but I don’t have time now because I’ve got to wash the rug/ clean the carpet/ change the bedding. Never mind.”

That nipped it in the bud quickly.

Incidentally, don’t worry about the night pull-ups at 4 thing. Every child is different.

DS (the same one) was actually toilet trained day and night at 2, but his older sister (high-functioning autistic) is nearly nine and still needs them at night.

As to it not being regarded as normal until the nappy manufacturers brought out pull-ups, this isn’t true either and I can prove it.

I still have my Mum’s old Penelope Leach parenting manual from the 80s (well before pull-ups existed) which says that bedwetting is common up to five and not unusual until past 7 and that most GPs won’t be concerned unless a child is older than 7 and still bedwetting.

It advises a non-scolding approach and to use a rubber or plastic undersheet but also says that there’s no need to take the night nappies away if an older child prefers to wear them.

I hope this helps ☺️

I can offer a bit of perspective on the issues raised, though my DS was a bit younger (3) when he did this a few times on purpose, most likely for attention (he also took a dump in the garden once and said he was pretending to be a dog!)

I didn’t get mad on any occasion, nor did I do any of the OTT things suggested above.

I was just nonchalant about it but made it clear that because it had happened we couldn’t do something nice that I had “planned” for him.

”Oh, that’s a pity- I was going to take you to the park/ for an ice cream/ do some crafts before bed, but I don’t have time now because I’ve got to wash the rug/ clean the carpet/ change the bedding. Never mind.”

That nipped it in the bud quickly.

Incidentally, don’t worry about the night pull-ups at 4 thing. Every child is different.

DS (the same one) was actually toilet trained day and night at 2, but his older sister (high-functioning autistic) is nearly nine and still needs them at night.

As to it not being regarded as normal until the nappy manufacturers brought out pull-ups, this isn’t true either and I can prove it.

I still have my Mum’s old Penelope Leach parenting manual from the 80s (well before pull-ups existed) which says that bedwetting is common up to five and not unusual until past 7 and that most GPs won’t be concerned unless a child is older than 7 and still bedwetting.

It advises a non-scolding approach and to use a rubber or plastic undersheet but also says that there’s no need to take the night nappies away if an older child prefers to wear them.

I hope this helps ☺️

*nine, nearly ten.

*nine, nearly ten.

I feel like this thread has got a bit muddled.

There are times when laying down boundaries is really important with kids, and there are times when a gentle approach works better.

I would absolutely go mad at my child for weeing deliberately all over their bed. I would be telling them that is bad behaviour and completely not allowed.

Where a child makes mistakes or has an accident it's not appropriate to be angry with them. For example if he wet the bed through a pull up that was over soaked, or just accidentally wet the bed after being toilet trained. Being angry or punishing a child who has had no intent to inconvenience is not appropriate.

If a child behaves badly on purpose it is not only ok to tell them that it's not allowed and you aren't having it, it's crucial.

You don't put marbles in a jar because your child didn't deliberately pee up a door. You tell him off if he does.

Kids do need to know that you are a kind and benign authority who will not punish unjustly. A good telling off when they are being deliberately naughty is absolutely fine.

Along side this, you could add in some incentive for wees on target. Putting a ping pong ball in the loo and aiming for it was a popular choice when my kids were young, or you could get stickers to put in the loo to aim at. It's fine to also give marbles in a jar focused on wees in the toilet.

wtf is wrong with you?!

The op was talking about DS deliberately weeing on the sofa and on his bed. I’d be getting out pull ups immediately. Many boys would never do this and laugh. It’s not acceptable and my dc would have absolutely been aware of my displeasure. Pretending they are babies at 4 doesn’t help them snd he’s not a baby if he thinks this is funny. I would definitely talk to him about this or what next? He destroys a mattress? The settee is unusable? It’s destruction and I’d be justifiably angry. Sometimes child behaviour needs to dealt with firmly. How does op replace a wet mattress? If he doesn’t do it again, he gets new duvet cover as a reward.