Am I right to punish my toddler if he’s weeing on things on purpose?

[mam1998]

My toddler is four the start of November. He’s fully toilet trained however lately he has been weeing on purpose and finds it funny. Taking him to bed tonight he he weed all over his bed before putting his nighttime pull up on. She we’ve taken away his toys and sat him on the naughty step. We have started punishing him for weeing and I don’t know if we’re right in doing this? As I know people say don’t tell them off for weeing but I’m 99% sure he’s doing it on purpose and if that’s the case do we enforce punishment?

How rude. Sorry but "gentle parenting" is why this sort of bad behaviour is so prevalent now. Deliberately peeing on something aged nearly 4 would have been an instant smacking offence when most of us were growing up and while I'm glad those days are gone, there is nothing abusive or "psycho" about what @mathanxiety suggested, it's just a firmer parenting style. She didn't suggest putting the DC outside in a dog kennel!

Tell him off and threaten consequences, it's not OK. Weeing on the bed or settee will ruin them, explain that he is damaging things, it's not at all funny and it's very naughty, time for a very stern voice. If you don't react you're tacitly saying it's OK to do that, and I'll just clean it up.

But this wasn't going in the night when asleep, it was deliberately peeing on the bed while wide awake and thinking it funny. Not the same as involuntary bed wetting, which is fair enough and hopefully they grow out of.

It’s a shaming, humiliating and disgusting approach to take anyone’s duvet away and not allow them that comfort while they sleep. It’s abuse. Plain and simple. It’s actually worse than smacking as it lasts all night.

Also I absolutely WOULD tell him off for doing this on purpose if it was deliberate. I’m a firm parent. I would not remove his duvet all night as some sick punishment because I’m not abusive.

I don’t know what age you are, but I am sixty and my parents would never smacked me for anything like this. It was and is abusive.

They were firm parents with an expectation of good behavour, and I think I was the same. In this situation the rewarding of good behaviour is in my opinion far more likely to be successful.

If he's weed on his duvet what choice is there?
He'd have to sleep under blankets in my house until his duvet could be washed and dried.

Sure, blankets is fine. @mathanxietysuggested leaving him with no bedding at all as a punishment.

Are you a parent?

This. Just get him.to clear it up with you and ignore it or say oh did you "forget" you were needing don't respond negatively, and don't carry it on to punishment,

Hard disagree.

How is he to learn what is allowed and not allowed if he is given adult-led excuses for deliberate poor behaviour? Kids need to learn to take responsibility for their actions.

It's a very different scenario to making a mistake. Example - telling a child off for dropping and breaking a mug - not appropriate. Telling a child off for throwing a mug against a wall and watching it smash - appropriate.

I would be telling him off strongly for that, that is wilful naughtiness, it's the equivalent of one of those little dogs that cocks its leg on everything. Whilst one day you will laugh about this episode, right now it needs nipping firmly in the bud before your whole house stinks of piss These are not accidents, they're deliberate acts of rebellion from a little boy and you need to come down hard on this latest trick. He's not going to be welcome anywhere if he keeps this up. Next thing is he'll be trying to write his name on the wall with it in piss.

That's alright you can disagree @Millionsofmonkeys

usually young children do these sorts of things for a reaction any reaction will do So imo.if he isnt getting an over reaction that carrys on to punishments it just extends the negative attention and then this can turn into a cycle of unwanted behaviour.

As others have said, mute your reaction. I’d be letting him know if you wee on something deliberately you’ll miss out on a treat then make sure he does.
e.g. What a shame we were going to the park this morning but now we can’t because you’ve weed again on the furniture. Repeat the harsh consequences until he learns. Presumably he’s about to start school?

It's not an over reaction to tell him "Weeing on your bed on purpose is naughty behaviour and not allowed. You will have no story tonight".

I understand where you are coming from but it's a mistake to excuse this sort of behaviour. How will he learn to take responsibility? Apologise? Own up? If you give him an out by suggesting he "forgot" where he should wee.

I am a child psychologist fwiw.

@mam1998 sorry but I just do not understand this wearing nappies at 4 5 6 7 8!! when my kids were 2 they were both dry day and night. when they were 3 they went to playgroup/ every single child there was wearing pants and was dry and not one of them wore a nappy at night!! why were our generation able to toilet train our kids and the mums nowadays are not??? are the mums nowadays just too lazy?? cant be bothered?? think school should do it??? what the hell is wrong with mums??????

Yes, he's definitely not a toddler anymore.

He's clearly doing it to get a reaction. The question is, why?

I don't agree with rewards for not peeing on stuff, because it makes bad behaviour the default and normal behaviour exceptional.

But perhaps you could have a star chart for good behaviour with a box for each day and say that when he gets 10 stars he can have a little treat.

When he pees on something, make him help you clean it up, and tell him you are disappointed with his behaviour, but don't lose your temper. At the end of each day have a chat about whether he's been a good boy that day and can have a sticker on his star chart. If he's peed on something that day you can say, "Well, you did play nicely with your brother and you put your bowl in the dishwasher, which is good, but you peed on the sofa and I had to clean it up, which is not good, so I don't think you can have a star today. Let's see how tomorrow goes."

@tothelefttotheleft it is very common to not be dry at night at 4. You can't toilet train for night time.

My dc are of the generation the pp is talking about and 1 of mine had pull ups at night at 3 and I worked in nurseries the before my own kids and I was definitely mopping up pee and sending wet clothes home for "toilet trained " 3 year Olds.

He definitely isn’t a toddler, he’s a preschooler, if he was born 3 months earlier he would be starting school now. I would praise good behaviour and give incentives - if you go 5 nights with a successful bedtime you get x treat

Refrain from over reacting; I think DS enjoys creating a commotion.

Always have the same response.
If you sense him about to wee inappropriately - "Straight to the toilet, now."
If he wees before being stopped - "Go and fetch the paper towell and mop it up until it's dry."
The marble idea is quite good too. I'd involve any older siblings so that they too amass marbles and earn gifts. Seeing his siblings earning marbles and attention could spur him into better behaviour.

Yeah a few weeks of cleaning up his own mess and maybe occasionally missing a treat will help the naughty step isn't good consequences for this

Oh, please – I wasn’t dry at night until I was seven and I was born in 1980, this isn’t a new “lazy mum” trend. (Nice mum blame btw, are dads not responsible for parenting too?)

DS was dry at night at 2, sane time as daytime potty training. DD took til 6, and occasionally still wets the bed, usually on nights she sleepwalks. It’s hormonal.

Night dryness has nothing to do with toilet training. No matter how many question marks you add?????????

A treat for going 5 nights without deliberately pissing on stuff??

I'd tell him off for weeing deliberately, then get him to help clear it up.

It really isn't normal for all children to be dry at night at 4 though. One of my boys was dry at night at 2 and the other nearly 7. I took the older one to the doctor and they said it was common, especially in boys and is hormonal in nautre so you just have to wait for them to mature.