Am I right to punish my toddler if he’s weeing on things on purpose?

[mam1998]

My toddler is four the start of November. He’s fully toilet trained however lately he has been weeing on purpose and finds it funny. Taking him to bed tonight he he weed all over his bed before putting his nighttime pull up on. She we’ve taken away his toys and sat him on the naughty step. We have started punishing him for weeing and I don’t know if we’re right in doing this? As I know people say don’t tell them off for weeing but I’m 99% sure he’s doing it on purpose and if that’s the case do we enforce punishment?

I had one child dry age 2 and the other closer to 6. So nothing about parenting!

I don't think it's that unusual, have no data though. All hormone dependent, I thought?

It sounds like possibly negative attention seeking. If kids dont feel they are getting enough positive attention then they can seek negative attention or as you mention could be a tactic to delay bedtime. Either way he is doing it to get attention. I would not go so hard on punnishment but instead reward the behaviour you want with positive attention rewards. Maybe try a bargain with him. If he doesnt wee on things and instead wees properly where he should wee you will reward him with a game of (whatever he likes - maybe dobble or something) or extra book story reading time with you at bedtime or both. So he gets a positive attention reward for not weeing where he should not.

The other suggestion is that he is discovering his own body and its fun. Also try a ping pong ball in the toilet - maybe a blue or orange one - fun to practice on but keeps the wee aiming in the loo.

If you try both of these things this should solve the problem :)

Night time dryness can’t be taught. It’s hormonal, and so anybody who believes they managed to train their child to be dry at night sounds daft claiming they did. Most children are dry at night by aged 5, so perfectly normal to be in pull ups over night at 3/4/5.

My then 2.5 year old went through a short lived phase of peeing on everything after we had his brother. We gave it very little attention/reaction and managed to find more time where somebody could hold baby whilst I spent time with him and it quickly stopped. It depends on why and for how long he’s doing it though, as to whether I’d use a consequence.

I only read the title lmao

yes! At 4 they should be potty trained (obviously if there’s no additional needs!) it isn’t acceptable to wop down your pants and pee on things. The toilet only!

if he had wee’d on his bed I’d have made him get in it for 5 minutes to show him how uncomfortable it was.

Then he would have to get his pyjamas off, get in the shower, get dry and help me change the bed, before having a small talk of “why we don’t wee on our bed”.

it sounds harsh, but it’s not funny and the natural consequences of everything that would need to happen afterwards would hopefully put him off.

I thought the same. 4 is not a toddler!!!

Yes it is. Some children don't produce the hormone for staying dry at night upto 7 years old I think it is. An under 4 in a night time pull up is completely normal

I was replying to the poster that was questioning why a near four year wasn't dry at night. I fully agree there is a world of difference between deliberate and accidental wetting of the bed. A potty trained 3 year old deliberately wetting the bed is attention seeking and naughty behavior. A 3-4 or even older child still needing nappy pants at night is perfectly normal

Sorry but that isn't true....as evident by those still using cloth nappies and all those who grew up in cloth nappies. I agree modern disposables can make it harder for kids to be aware they have wet themselves...but makes little difference to an ability to wake during the night when needing to.

@tothelefttotheleftyou’re wrong. People just didn’t talk about it. My poor Dad told me that when he was a kid he wet the bed till he was 11 which was a great source of shame to him. It wasn’t his fault, but he didn’t know that. It’s very common in boys especially.

Agree.

Agree.

Agree 100%.

And as he grows, you need to police the bathroom and make him clean up pee that goes on the floor and the wall, every single time. There are many stories here of teenage boys and men who leave a disgusting mess behind them in the bathroom for someone else to clean up - for some woman to clean up - and this is how it starts.

If he wees anywhere other than the toilet hand him a spray and cloth and tell him you’ll talk to him when it’s cleaned up.

if it’s on his bed tell him to come and find you when he’s stripped the covers off, cleaned himself up and got dry PJs on.

Natural consequences without it reaction or attention are usually the way to go here.

What punishment would you suggest?

Actually it is these days. Many 4 yr olds aren't day potty trained.

I'd make him clean it.

Hand him some kitchen roll and tell him to clean up the door. Obviously you'll have to do the rest because a three year old can't deep clean properly.

Ditto, with the sofa and his bed. Tell him to strip his bed.And act as if you mean it. He won't know it's an empty threat and you'll have to do most of it as long as you inconvenience him enough. Tell him to take his duvet, cover off and his sheet

Stay calm and tell him to clean it up. Don't let him move until he does and stand over him supervising.

@missrabbit1990The DS is not wetting the bed! He’s weeing on it deliberately and the sofa! Did your dad do that too? It’s fairly well known anxiety leads to bed wetting but this isn’t in bed or during the night. So not the same.

All this “punishing” talk Listen to yourselves.

I'm not talking about punishing though. At four years old, nearly he's old enough to understand that if he deliberately makes a mess of something, he is expected to clean it up.

If they trashed their bedrooms or the lounge and threw toys all over the floor they'd be expected to help pick them up.No?

So if he has weed all over the bathroom door here is some kitchen roll, help me wipe it up.

That's learning there are consequences of what you do, and I said to stay completely calm and just go and get the kitchen roll and say, help me clean it. I never suggested punishing him.

True what you are saying, but like my DS loves cleaning up a mess, so for him for example this would work his way, because he gets the chance of cleaning. He had done some mess in the past and I saw him lighten up when I said “Now you have to clean it”!
🙈

Yes but not every child loves cleaning.

Yes , Oh my God , leave a child sleep without bedding !
Throw out toys & books , how mean ! he is going through a phase , OP just needs to find a way to stop him , that’s all ..
She doesn’t want her child looking back & remembering his mom to be cruel ..
I’m so glad I’m my children’s mom & you’re not ! !

Hey OP ..
I think the rewards is a very good idea ..
💯 will work 😊

God did people actually suggest that. I suggested getting him to help change the bed so he can see what a pain it is. Nothing more than that.