Nothing enough for 8 year old

[hoohaal]

My eldest (8) is incredibly outdoorsy and has a massive zest for life. This is great for her, but means she’s always seeking the next big thing to do.

I could take her out all morning on bike rides, for food, see family etc, park, meet friends but as soon as we get home she will ask what we’re doing next.

It makes me so angry. It feels like nothing is ever enough for her.

I’m much more indoorsy and don’t have much zest for life, but obviously you push yourself for your kids. I find it beyond frustrating that I push myself so hard to make her happy and yet nothing is enough.

Some days we only do one thing as her Sister is also indoorsy and she has a face like a wet weekend the whole day. She just can’t cope with entertaining herself or just ‘being’.

Is there anything I should be doing here to make things different, or is it just tough shit? I can’t constantly entertain and take her out.

If you have the budget, the best thing to do is outsource the activities to a playscheme or summer camp. Even if you're on a low income, there are all sorts of sports and drama camps which are free and provide a lunch, organised by the council. My dc does a multi sports every summer which has 5 days of different sports, and this summer she is doing a kayaking camp and a drama camp. We have to pay for all of those due to income but they have free/subsidised places for low incomes. Have a look on your council website to see what is on offer in your area.

She needs to develop her imagination by being bored. When she asks what's next, ask her how she plans to occupy herself, let her figure it out.

At that age one good way to cure the I’m bored problem is that when they moan about being bored, just say excellent if you have nothing to do, you can clean the kitchen, take out the bins, weed the garden, sweep out the garage, tidy your bedroom etc. They soon stop asking and find something to entertain themselves. I would make sure that she has options that she likes to entertain herself though, so some roller skates, a skipping rope, permission to walk to a local playground etc

Sports teams…

Took my son to a rock climbing wall recently Rock Up. Big hit. Also tennis camp. Play dates where if I host one then I can drop him off at theirs next time to have some space!

I have one this age. I think “In the morning we are going out and doing xy and z. Then we are coming home. After we get home you need to find something to occupy yourself because I need some quiet. Have a think about what you would like to do.” And then send her off to do the thing, with a clock, for a particular amount of time. She comes back earlier than that, you turn her around.

Basically, I am not a 24/7 or even 12/7 children’s entertainer.

Just send her out in the garden/ on her bike??

Prepare her ahead of time ie name the time at home just as you would an activity. “Tomorrow we’re doing X until lunch and after lunch we’re having free choice at home.”

Do you live in London? Could you schedule trips to museums (these are often circa 20,000 steps including journey to/from)? Otherwise I’d enroll the bored child on a sports summer camp, they usually run 9:30-4:30pm with various sports throughout the day. Our local sports camp is £30 per day, which is slightly cheaper than taking a child out all day (in London).

I actually think it’s amazing that you’ve raised a child who wants to go out and do things as opposed to sitting inside all day on a screen. So good job!

I think being able to entertain yourself is a skill that needs to be taught, practised, and increased gradually. I’m not sure the best resources for 8 year olds; BusyToddler has some for younger children. But I would try to have this mentality.

I agree about outsourcing, too.

She just can’t cope with entertaining herself or just ‘being’.

I think she will just have to be.

Agree with finding a club she can do.

Fundamentally she’s not being unreasonable. People like her (and me!) hate sitting at home for extended periods of time. Even as an adult I don’t think I would ever willingly spend half a day just sitting at home. So I have a lot of sympathy for her.

If she’s sporty and outdoorsy that’s great! How wonderful to enjoy outdoor exercise which has so many benefits to physical and mental health.

But if you’re not outdoorsy, then realistically as she gets order you’re not going to meet all her needs. So outsource the problem to adults who love that stuff. Sign her up to Beavers or a sports club, or both.

Do you have a Parkrun near you? If you think you’re up to a 5k run (or even if you’re not but want to get fitter) then this is a great (and free!) thing to do together on a Saturday morning. Only takes half an hour but is almost guaranteed to tire everyone out for the rest of the morning. If you don’t want to do it then maybe she can go with a friend and their parents? Once she’s 11 she can do it on her own or with a friend while you sit at the finish line with a coffee and a book.

Is this during the summer holidays? What have you planned for the summer? Are you off work or does she go to any holiday clubs? Does she play any sports or do activities?

Quite a lot of those things you've mentioned aren't very active or really 'big things' so maybe she is just needing to burn more energy or needs more stimulation than she's getting. She sounds great, I'd really try and encourage her to be staying active and I tested in doing things. Have you got outside space at home that she can access?

There's no need to be a kids entertainer all the time but some kids really do just need tiring out and keeping busy a bit more, she isn't doing anything wrong.

Have you spoken to a g.p about not having much zest for life?

I think organising ones own time, is a skill that takes time to develop. Your daughter is probably a bit old for a lot of the activities she used to do as a younger child maybe colouring or jigsaws (unless she's like into adult ones) for example. She probably needs help to get into a more advanced activity. Is there anything she likes that would take up time? For example my nanny got me into embroidery around that age, and that became a bit of a go to for me when I had spare time at home.

This. She needs to entertain herself more. Plus she's not the only person living in the house and there needs to be compromise

Isn't funny like kids do not actually match their family members?
You influence a lot in their lives, but there is that built in mode that cannot be changed, no matter what.
It is all a balance. Keep combining outdoor and indoor activities. She needs to get used to quiet time and your and your DD benefit from the activity, which you may not do otherwise. Getting her into a camp or a local leisure activity is a great idea indeed. Swimming, running.... maybe she will be an athlete or so. Who knows.

Sounds just like my two. My eldest (also 8) is the outdoorsy one. I have booked him into football camp 3 days each week, then we do a family swimming session each week, plus his usual swimming lessons and try to do one activity as a family on a weekend. I have recently started allowing him to go around the block on his scooter without me or to the park next to my house. This seems to be enough for him. Playdates really help too (and often they get an invite back to fill another half a day!). We still get the constant 'I'm bored' but if I've booked them into or done one thing each day then I feel I have done enough. I've been fairly relaxed about screen time which I think helps.

Yep. She would just have to in my house too. And I would have stern words if she was too whiny about it.

I think people forget that you don’t always have to pander to children every second of the day. And children are actually better off if you don’t.

I agree with others that perhaps more groups?

Also, she needs to learn to entertain herself at least a bit. A project in the garden or in her bedroom. My DD can be a bit like this and we've put a lot of work into making her understand that it's not my job to keep her entertained at all hours. She's spent time mastering various arts and crafts, or practicing new dances from her dance school. She attends lots of dance classes. Yours could do similar. DS spent hours and hours and hours working on various sports skills in the garden - football, basketball, rugby.

Also, I encourge her to start planning more of her own social life. eg talking to her friends online, or suggesting playdates - I'm happy for her to invite her friends over here for example and she has a few friends where we do regular swaps of time at each other's houses.

Ask her to make a list of all the home-based activities she likes. Some ideas:

No-bake cooking, like Rocky Road
Baking
Making mocktails
Adult jigsaws
Lego sets or free-building Lego
Painting
Clay modelling
Sewing
Reading
Audiobooks if you have them with your library
Podcasts
Duolingo language learning
Garden games like football, badminton
Photography outside if you have an older camera
Gardening

It amazes me that parents now seem to try to fill every day of their kids school holidays with activities and days out. When I was a kid we just had to play outside on our bikes/scooters, play with our siblings and/or friends etc. And we had longer school holidays than you have here in UK but we still had to entertain ourselves for the bulk of it. Some years we got to do a summer camp for a week, maybe the odd day out somewhere as a treat. What gifts are they getting for Christmas and birthdays? As we were playing with those things too throughout the year. My parents absolutely did not sit and entertain us or try to fill our days. We just had to make our own fun. And we did still complain about being bored and "having nothing to do", which would always be met with something like "oh great I have been needing someone to hoover the stairs"... its amazing how quickly we found the potential to entertain ourselves then

Can you involve her in planning a day to meet everyone’s needs? So something outside the house and time at home. I agree she needs to learn to entertain herself at home. Maybe have an activity ready for her if she complains when home - something to keep her occupied but not the most fun, so that she learns to keep herself busy!

Canadian friends came to stay and the 6&4 year old had to work out the different options & costs for their travel itinerary around Europe. ‘‘Twas bloody impressive. On a smaller scale she could be working out what the best way to get to x is what could be planned for next week for y budget etc etc.

@Momstermash94 you were allowed to play outdoors though. Most children today aren’t allowed outside the house without adult supervision. I’m guessing OP’s household is the same. So a lot of the free play you used to enjoy probably isn’t an option