Nothing enough for 8 year old

[hoohaal]

My eldest (8) is incredibly outdoorsy and has a massive zest for life. This is great for her, but means she’s always seeking the next big thing to do.

I could take her out all morning on bike rides, for food, see family etc, park, meet friends but as soon as we get home she will ask what we’re doing next.

It makes me so angry. It feels like nothing is ever enough for her.

I’m much more indoorsy and don’t have much zest for life, but obviously you push yourself for your kids. I find it beyond frustrating that I push myself so hard to make her happy and yet nothing is enough.

Some days we only do one thing as her Sister is also indoorsy and she has a face like a wet weekend the whole day. She just can’t cope with entertaining herself or just ‘being’.

Is there anything I should be doing here to make things different, or is it just tough shit? I can’t constantly entertain and take her out.

Yep, when I was that age, if I complained about being bored, my mum would always find me some chores to do! We soon learned to entertain ourselves!

Can you sit down with her and make a list of activities she can do at home? For example -

Make a den and have a picnic in it

Make an assault course in the garden with old boxes/wood/netting etc from the garage and have races with a sibling

Make a tent in the garden with some tarpaulin or old sheets, beanpoles and clothes pegs, maybe sleep out in it if it's a secure garden

Junk modelling - raid the recycling for cardboard and plastic bottles etc, get the paints and glue out and build something - different themes for different days such as outer space, monsters, buildings etc

Nail salon/pamper treatments - you can make simple face masks or mix up some massage oils with olive oil and a few drops of essential oils and give each other a mani/pedi

Make an easy biscuit dough and let the kids roll out and cut out shapes and then decorate

These are just a few ideas, I'm sure you can Google more!

I’m not sure being angry about it is going to achieve much, it’s not her fault after all.

Books. I LOVED being at home because it meant I could shut myself in my bedroom and read books. Can you take her to the library to choose herself some books and then have 'quiet reading time' when you're at home?

When I was young (too many years ago now), my mum had to do housework and catching up on household tasks if she was home with us in the holidays, so my brother and I were often left to our own devices. Simpler times, I suppose.

Does she not have friends she can go and play out with?

Old enough to help round the house. Give her the clean laundry to sort. Or the rubbish to put out and the bin to wash, the vacuuming/dusting to do she will soon stop asking. Or more creatively give her a list of the food ingredients you have and ask her to find some recipes online or get her to draw and write about what she has done that day

It took me ages to crack this one. The phrase you need is 'free play'.

'What are we doing this afternoon?'
'Free play'.

I think you feeling 'so angry' about it is quite an extreme reaction. Also when you say 'nothing is ever good enough for her' sounds like you are taking it way too personally - just tell her to entertain herself for a bit and give her some ideas?

I agree.This is a really nasty way to talk about an active 8 year old who isn't being nasty, rude or abusive in any way.

Oh I have similar, one who has endless energy and one who would never leave the house if they could.
The energy one I found some great clubs and activities. Look for ones with longer sessions. We had a trampoline club near us that did 2 hours on a saturday morning, which was great.
I read somewhere once that you are not your childs entertainer, and this stuck with me and I say it to them often. I am there to facilitate, help, support, feed, love and teach but I am not a 24 hour entertainer.
My eldest got into gaming quite young as hes very sociable tol and if he is not bouncing off the walls, then he games. It keeps him regulated and he speaks to his friends and plays games. I used to be a person who said they wouldnt let their child game for hours but honestly if tou have a kid that craves socialising and wants to do everrything all at once then it is a great option.

Just to answer a couple of things - I suppose I feel anger because I’m literally giving my soul so that she can go out all the time and do everything she likes. I detest being out of the house all the time, but I do it because I love her. I have health problems which mean I’m exhausted literally all the time. It is actually a huge effort for me to meet up with loads of people.
As soon as I get home, I have to sleep for an hour or so on the sofa because I’m so drained.

I also feel angry because I’m putting in that effort, but it’s still not enough. She strops and acts like she’s having the worst day ever if I say we can’t go out and do something.

Great ideas from people about sports clubs etc. She goes to swimming and Stage school, but I will definitely sign her up to some more active things.

I guess I’m also hoping there is a way in which she can just be happy in her own company and learn to entertain herself.

Thanks so much for the suggestions.

I do understand, I’m a single parent and my DC7 stropped at me recently because they were bored. So I very firmly pointed out the array of activities we’d already done that week, the expense of those activities, and the energy it takes for me to do it. I reminded them I loved them but that they need to understand that being a brat about it means that they’re unlikely to encourage me to stir my arse to do stuff for them. 😅 DC is pretty switched on and understood, despite feeling disappointed in the moment.

I also constantly reinforce the importance of being bored. I’ve told them it’s the mark of a powerful brain if they can entertain themselves when they can’t see anything immediately in front of them with which to do it.

DC is fantastic at independent play. She still has a moan occasionally but that’s kids for ya, they’re twats. 😅

I remember being that age and stropping that I'm bored. My parents said tough, we've been at work all week, go do some dishes and some homework.

You're not doing her any favours by exhausting yourself like that. She's 8, she won't appreciate it.

Remember, it's your job to raise her and prepare her for the world. You're not meant to be her friend.

My MIL has MS, since DH was 13. He just had to accept his mum was ill.

Send her out to play with bike scooter or whatever else she has. Buy a trampoline space permitting outdoors. I was outdoors sister indoors that's what i did. I was never in

Yeah I’m in the camp of let her be “bored” and find her own entertainment. Great she wants to be outdoors etc but if you have outdoor space like a garden take th puzzle or box of Lego out in the garden for a bit etc.

she wont learn to be comfortable in her own company and to entertain herself if she isn’t given the skills and opportunities to do so. My son is similar to your daughter and when I started bagging up his stuff after him saying he had nothing to do he realised he did and lo and behold we have had zero boredom complaints this summer holidays….

I don't agree with signing her up for more activities so that every spare moment is filled or the problem of needing to be constantly entertained will worsen. Kids need unscheduled time for their development and they need to learn how to fill it. It needn't be inside either but nor does it have to be an expensive activities camp. My kids went to an activities camp this summer but afternoons were low key. Quiet time then in the garden climbing trees and then after dinner walks.

It's taboo to say in some circles but kids are not the centre of the universe. Your needs are important too, she won't be getting the best from you if you're run ragged

“Mum what’s next?”
”Next we relax a bit. I’m thinking of reading a book, how about you draw a picture/write in a diary about today/ any other quiet activity”

i think she is enjoying her time with you and may be seeking connection? Also she may need structure and predictability (does she have any signs of ND?). My son has ND traits and he always wants to know what’s next because it makes him feel secure.

“Mum what’s next?”
”Next we relax a bit. I’m thinking of reading a book, how about you draw a picture/write in a diary about today/ any other quiet activity”

i think she is enjoying her time with you and may be seeking connection? Also she may need structure and predictability (does she have any signs of ND?). My son has ND traits and he always wants to know what’s next because it makes him feel secure.

Ignore her. You’ve done enough. She needs to learn to entertain herself

Agreed. I think it's bizarre that OP thinks it would be much better to have a child that wanted to just sit in the house all day!

I have noticed my DGD 7, has become the right age for somethings that I got her when she was probably too young, we have got the Lego friends out, which she had forgotten about and is now obsessed with. Her teepee has also been brought out,scooter and roller skates. If you have a garden and not already got a netball hoop that can be great, also my best investment was a trampoline (with net) hours of fun.
Indoors big box full of craft stuff, a box that is full of "office play". Hairdresser set.
I also set her challenge to learn all her times tables with a reward chart and prizes.
I have to admit she can make a game with a spoon and a piece of paper. Very imaginative.
Good luck 3 weeks to go!

It’s great that you’re doing lots with her and she’s clearly loving it but you need to sit her down and explain that there’s activities time and there’s also at home quieter time where she has to find things to entertain herself. Kids these days aren’t allowed to get bored! We were and we found stuff to do to make the hours go by…arts and crafts, building things out of boxes, littering in garden (if you have one!) looking for bugs and using our imagination!! Kids of today expect instant entertainment and instant gratification, let them get bored, let them use their imagination, you can’t constantly play the clown entertaining non-stop around the clock! (Yes, I have kids before anyone has a go at my post…they’re 18 and 22 and are polite, respectful of others, kind, honest, hardworking, generous, independent, high achieving and both utter joys to be around so I must have done something right!)

Yep, if this child was allowed to play outdoors/ go out without adult supervision I suspect OP wouldn't see her from morning to night! But for better or worse that isn't ok for an 8 year old anymore. Note that 'seeing friends' is among the activities that OP considers to be a terrible, exhausting imposition.

My 8 year old son is extremely high energy. The solution for us are sporty summer camps - he does one in the lical gymnastics club (7 hours of exercise), leisure centre (similar) or performing arts (mix of crafts and dancing/singing). Plus we do at least 2/3 things every day in the weekend (bike, swimming, playground, frisbee, etc)
Without enough exercise he isn’t fun to be around :)
Loads of books and art stuff as well, and a bit of maths (his brain needs to be as active as his body)

My daughter was like that at that age. Now she’s a teenager and doesn’t want to do anything. I wish we could go back to those active years!