DD only interested if there is snacks/something to buy

[vitahelp]

Last week we went away for 3 nights on a 8 hour round trip to visit two major attractions for DD (just turned 7 and only child). The whole trip was very expensive but we were all looking forward to it.

We had an ok time but it dawned on me while we were there that DD is only concerned about what food we can get and what we can buy from gift shops. She rushed us round the attractions so we could get to the cafes/gift shops where she would take her time wandering round and asking for things. I’m happy to let her have a treat but it felt like the primary reason for being there and meant she barely bothered with the attraction itself. It felt like a waste of money £400 in entry tickets) when we could have just gone to the shopping centre in our own city..

I thought by her age she would be past that stage. She is a bit silly for her age but generally well behaved. I’m worried this is our doing, although we are careful not to spoil her and we’re quite strict with unhealthy food/don’t spend a lot on gift shops and often don’t let her get anything.

Anyone else/ is this normal?

I’m old school, but never bought DC anything from gift shops, and explained that a) the treat was the outing and b) how these places rip you off, that they treat the public as a captive Audience and we are far too smart to be caught out by that sort of aggressive marketing.
It’s up to you how materialistic you teach your kids to be.

It’s frustrating isn’t it? But these attractions use clever marketing techniques to encourage this exact behaviour. All rides exit through the gift shop, snack kiosks in the queues, etc.
I think all you can do is be really clear at the outset that you have brought a packed lunch so won’t be buying food, she can visit the gift shop at the end of the day if she doesn’t ask for things throughout the day, or whatever, so she knows what to expect.

My 2 are still a bit like this unless they’ve specifically asked to go to a place. And they’re teenagers. Taking our children to these places is important as it broadens their horizons and they will learn more from trips than you might think. It’s fairly standard for them to not thinks it’s the best place they’ve ever been right now but hopes it’s fostering an interest for adulthood.
As far as gifts go I would give her the money you are prepared to spend before you even get there. Children generally tend to be more thoughtful when spending their ‘own’ money! Budget and stick to it. ‘Can I have this!?’ …… ‘well have you got enough money?’

Yes I think this is normal...the cafe and the gift shop are the best bits surely?!

I'm like this tbh.

I plan many a holiday now around food and opportunity to peruse shops (eg foreign markets, foreign food shops, boutiques we don’t have near home).

I do enjoy attractions too, but snacks and looking round the gift shops (not usually buying anything, just looking) are the main highlight (it’s my favourite part of a Disney trip for example) so I’m not sure it’s something she’ll grow out of.

Thanks all, some good advice and reassurance here. I don’t mind the gift shop/cafe being her favourite part but it was more that it became the only thing. To the point that we would stop to look at something and she was getting frustrated dragging us along saying we need to carry on. I knew she was just concerned about getting to the gift shop as soon as possible. The places were very much her interest and she would have enjoyed it if she had given it a chance. I could see other similar age kids taking an interest and getting excited. I know if she knew there was no food/gift shop there she would have enjoyed it more.

I just realise now that everything is geared around where the next snack/gift is coming from.

My daughter is often like this (she is however autistic).
She likes soft toys and that's usually what she wants to buy.
We've found that going to the gift shop first means she gets her soft toy and she can then have it with her while we go around.
Other times we will look at the attractions website and if they show what the gift shop sells (sometimes they have this for online purchases) she choose what we will buy before hand.
To be honest she's never been that interested in big attraction places - she'd rather go to Primark 🙄
You said you did the trip for her - but was she actually that fussed about going?

@Needmorelego thanks for sharing. Yes it is soft toys that she wants too 😁
That’s interesting that you go to the gift shop first so it doesn’t become a race to get there. I’ll keep that in mind next time.
As to whether she wanted to go, I don’t know really..she didn’t ask to go but she wouldn’t have known the places existed. I just want to try and have some experiences for her as our main holidays abroad aren’t as child-orientated so this was a bit like her holiday.

Does she have many snacks at home op (healthy or otherwise?)

I love a gift shop. I have a massive collection of pencils from many different attractions. That’s all I was ever allowed as a child and now that’s all I ever want!

We either used to say no - waste of money etc as pp said or used to give our DC money (small amount) that they could spend how they wished on a trip out. It made them very discerning, and as young adults now, they are very good with money, so our meanness paid off 🤣

As pp said, why not go to shop first? I would give child a set amount of money too and be unwavering if she asked for more. It’ll pay off in the end!

So you have in your head how she has to act because you have decided thst is what you want her to be, she is not a jigsaw where you put the boys together and get the expected outcome, why do parents assume kids have to be grateful becatuse they spend a ot or organise something that they wanted to do in the first place?

I think it's just a personality thing. My dcs aren't like this and they never have been when they were younger. We mostly spend nothing extra on a day out as we bring a packed lunch (I usually pack nice treats for them so they don't feel the need for more). We usually skip the gift shop or if we have to walk through to the exit, let them browse but they know from the start we won't buy anything. They are happy with days out being focused on the hands-on activities, and are usually keen to bring home any crafts they've done there (and that is their souvenir). I'm the same, I never buy souvenirs when going on holiday somewhere and see it as clutter.

@PollyBell it isn’t as much about what she needs to do to live up to my expectation. My concern lies more with what ‘we’ might be doing wrong and what ‘we’ can do differently as her parents. Or if this is just normal and we can carry on as we are.

I am an over thinker as well.

Sounds really depressing to me that you went to (for example) legoland and alton towers but all she cared about was the cafe and novelty rubbers, but not as depressing as the adults on here who are saying they do the same thing. What a waste.

Talk about exemplifying our consumerist society - forget new experiences, excitement, having fun with friends, creating memories, learning about something, beautiful sights, history... all nothing compared to the allure of keyrings mass produced in china and overpriced sausage rolls.

I'd understand slightly more (although still think its depressing for that to be the BEST part of your trip) if it was really good food or unusual gifts you couldn't buy anywhere else but 99% of the stuff in "attractions" is absolute crap!

We gave ours their own money for snacks and souvenirs. We’d tell them when we set off that we would buy lunch, a drink or whatever but anything else was up to them.
It worked well for us because they knew from the start they were going to be able to buy something rather than wondering if they’d be allowed to get something or having to pester for stuff.

Could you perhaps do a bit more to get her interested in the attraction? Eg if it’s a castle could she watch some movies with the castle, have a colouring book, is there some kind of activity where she has to discover and tick off certain sights that she’s found? Could you get her to draw the castle when there - etc etc?

I can’t really judge though as as an adult my main priority is finding somewhere to sit down and have a Campari spritz lol lol

She sounds totally normal to me - but then at 36 and 41, DH and I often plan our days out around food 🤣

Mine isn't that fussed about snacks, but the soft toys - omg!! She is obsessed!

I either speak to her beforehand and explain that there will be no toy (important to coordinate this with the parents of other friends who will be there or it can get difficult), or go to the gift shop first.

I might start giving her the money and letting her choose how to spend it (will probably research the cheapest soft toy available and give her that much 😬).

I think the people saying how terrible it is are a bit harsh... Different kids are into different things. Some of my friend's kids just don't care about soft toys, and I really don't think their parenting is much different to mine 🤷‍♀️

@1offnamechange some people like "experiences" some people like physical things.
Everyone is different.

I don't think it's too abnormal. She is learning about money, shopping etc and it's all a new concept. However she doesn't get to dictate the day with her demands. You need to set out expectations early on, telling her when you will be going, and not before and any pestering will mean you won't be going at all.

I was like this. Never spoilt, there wasn't enough money for that!

I would spend my pocket money many times over in my head.

I remember going to St David's Cathedral in the mid 80s. My mum encouraged brass rubbing. All I was bothered about was buying a little furry frog from the gift shop.

DD and I are lucky enough to go away together. She's 17. We get far more excited about the gift shop than the gallery! We look around the Musee D'Orsay. Then hit the gift shop.

We go to the gift shop first, otherwise DD just fixates on it a doesn't enjoy herself, and neither do we. This was advice given by her play therapist. We suspect she is ND.

I think setting expectations is the best way to go; I would regularly remind my eldest that he isn’t the only person in our family and that me and his Dad want to enjoy the day too - he responded surprisingly well to this reminder from around that age, it’s like he genuinely didn’t think of it from that angle before. Then I set expectations about snacks: “I’ve brought sandwiches today, if you are well behaved we could get an ice cream/doughnut later - around 3pm” or “I’m going to buy lunch in the cafe so I won’t be buying ice creams of other treats today” you could then add “we won’t be going to the cafe until 1pm” or whatever. Then it depends on the child and their personality whether going to the gift shop first, setting a time to enter the gift shop, telling them they have x amount to spend or just plain saying ‘no’ will work best for you. I’m a no on gift shops but if they have their own money to spend I’m happy to visit as long as behaviour expectations have been met.

Was it actually a place for kids to enjoy? Sounds more like a place to view things rather than do things and have fun from the brief description so I wonder if it was quite a long day for her coupled with the drive too? Next time don’t tell her she can have a gift in advance, and if she’s just assuming she can have gifts that’s on you really, you need to decide wether stuff like that is just to be expected by her, or wether toys on days out are a very rare treat.