I love my almost 4 year old but..

[TheMAFSfan]

I didn’t particularly like her today 😔 hard work is an understatement! The bad days are few and far between now but I think it makes them even harder to handle. It can’t just be me 🤷‍♀️ 😢

I've got an 18 year old. And while there are challenges at every age, I just want to say hang in there - it gets better. Good luck to you all and a big hug.

Feeling this too. DD will be 4 in a couple of weeks. This definitely feels like the toughest age so far. We never really had terrible twos. She just doesn't listen, gets over excited and rough, messes about constantly. She loves imaginary play but I really struggle with it (I don't know why, I loved it as a kid, I do my best).

I'm also 6m pregnant, anemic and hormonal (irritable!). So I think both of us are going through a hard stage.

She's always been so well behaved, I'm not sure what's come over her.

My only advice is to make the most of activities like softplay more regularly so you can sit in peace for a bit 😂. Generally DD is better out of the house.

I think she is going through a leap - we had disturbed nights for a few weeks and suddenly she is playing more independently the last few days (that never ever happens!)

I've never felt so seen, ladies 😂

Thank you for the moral support to the mums of older children and let's hang in there, we're clearly in this together!

I read 150 thousand pieces of advice not to react, not to shout, to ignore and walk away and I'm trying but it's so HARD. He's always been strong willed, but somewhat sensible? I don't know, hard to explain, but I feel like I knew him well as his mum and knew what he meant. Now it goes from 85% of the time he's fantastic and I'm so proud of him, we can have wicked chats together and he's my little partner in crime, whatever we do, he's game and I love that so much about him. I really enjoy my time with him. But the other 15% of the time, to me makes zero sense and you cannot get through to him. I actually had an ear infection recently and I really can't cope with his screaming, physically or mentally. I'm so, so drained. I'm struggling to understand how he can be so different and dysregulated at times, it's just so not like him overall, and yet apparently normal. And he can just flip to this for no apparent reason, especially in the evenings or when we need to get somewhere for a certain time. It's like he knows and becomes extremely defiant and unreasonable.

Yes to disturbed sleep patterns too and somewhat awkward eating, DS eats very well normally but he's been up & down last 3 weeks. Thought we're out of the woods on Tuesday but then today showed definitely not!

@Fouristhenew why am I not surprised to see you on this thread after you were on mine yesterday 🤣

So relieved to read a similar thread and know that it’s not just my kid that’s gone demented this week. We can get through this!

Haha! I came on a few days ago to start a similar thread along the lines of “wtf if going on with my lovely boy?!” - so it has definitely helped me to know there are lots of other people going through similar! Even though I wish we were all having a lovely time! 🤣

I know what you mean , I can cope with it if I know it’s ‘normal’ and other peoples kids do this shit too and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong

Or a full moon! 😂

Re screaming, what always worked for me (eventually, not a quick fix) is just to keep saying 'I can't understand you, you need to talk properly instead of screaming and then we will fix whatever it is'. You may obviously have tried this already and have a more resistant child! But don't allow stopping the screaming in the short term to get in the way of actually stopping the screaming permanently would be my advice.

Mine is still like that at 10 (SEN and not vastly past 4 emotionally so it feels like in some ways I've had six years of parenting a four year old) - we watched the football together this evening and she was informing me with immense authority that the reason they have to keep the grass so short is in case of snakes, because they also play in a lot of countries that have snakes.

I'm not going to correct her, even though this is absolute bollocks, because it was an attempt to connect with me. Rejecting her nonsense explanation feels to her like rejecting her. So all I said was "oh gosh, I didn't know about the snakes" (which isn't agreeing she's right but also isn't challenging her on it) and we were both happy and moved on.

Was out with my boys at National Trust today, there were so many screaming, snotty, tantrum-throwing little imps about (amongst the ones who were having their turn at being good).

I send my 4yo up to his room when he's doing my head in lol. Although I think at 4, they can begin to see humour and laugh at themselves a little bit, which sometimes stops a tantrum before it starts with mine. Although there still are moments he'll just stare me straight in the eyes whilst he kicks his brother - thankfully they are getting less.

I don't think them being out-of-routine helps, or the hype of the summer holidays...

@DeliciouslyBakedexactly what mine has started to do! back in nursery today so I had only two hours this evening and thankfully she was so much better than yesterday. My OH came home ill from work today with an upset stomach and I’m convinced it’s to do with the stress of the weekend 🤣🫠

How's everyone getting on? We had few good days and today not so much. Two tantrums, screaming, the lot - the second one just finished and honestly he screamed for over an hour including the entire car journey home from the park. Any tips please, I'm struggling so much with the car journeys when he's like this and I can't stand and wait for an hour before he calms down and stays quiet then go (I wish!). I just don't get it, he isn't like that in school or in childcare.

I'm glad of this thread. My youngest is nearly 4 (October) and I am counting the days until she goes back to nursery. I feel so guilty but she's so difficult at the moment. She has an incredibly full-on personality, but combined with the summer holidays and her age, I'm at the end of my tether. I remember my older kids being much more laid back!

We have had a better few days, touch wood. I realised that I’d become quite negative, I think due to anticipating the worst, and I was constantly nagging at him.

I decided to reset and be extremely positive. It’s been hard but it really seems to have helped. I kept our plans really low key instead of trying to do loads of activities with him and I think he’s had a nicer time and we have both relaxed.

We are going away next week and I’m a bit nervous about another change of routine, but trying not to let it show!

Hope you are all doing ok! x

@Fouristhenew I have tried this approach too. Focusing on the good and even rewarding things that I’ve never had to before.. it has been working for her behaviour but also made me have a sunnier outlook.
my daughter has been an absolute joy today - we’ve been quite busy and she’s been dragged around with me to work and then visiting some family but I’m really proud of how she’s interacted with all of the adults and entertained herself.

Must be something in the water as DS had a better day today too 😄 thankfully!