Would you put your 20 month old in nursery if you didn’t have or need to?

[Fitnessmum1]

I am eligible for funded hours but don’t need them, my lo has been with me every day and only been left with his aunt about 3 times for a few hours.
I am at home and don’t need childcare but whilst it’s on offer with just a small supplement I could send him a couple days per week.
He does have older siblings and I take him to playgroups.

I don't think it is necessary at 2, but I worked in a nursery and remember having conversations along the lines of "they love each other so much, yet the books will tell us they will hardly notice each other yet"

I didn’t have to at all but put my son (and soon my daughter) into nursery for a 3-5 mornings a week and personally found it was good for them. Their time at home is obviously more important but I found it a helpful balance - yes he is less comfortable (ie he is quieter there) but they do loads of activities and run around in the garden with other little people and he clearly enjoys his time - he’s just turned 2 and also has genuine affection for a bunch of his little friends so I know they say socialisation isn’t necessary at that age but for him I’ve found it has added real value.

Unless you’re working you can’t access nursery until 3 (2 on certain benefits)

Actually that's one thing that I think nurseries for young toddlers IS good for - the food aspect. The kids I've known whove attended nursery from a young age are better eaters and the ones who were pandered to by their mums (including mine!) are more fussy.

Re speech development, I don't think that nursery is necessarily better for this. Babies are not known for their high level vocabulary and that is predominantly who they will be mixing with at nursery! It depends on lots of things.

We did, out working hours meant we actually only needed one day of nursery per week, we opted for two days as it meant we had a child free day, but we also felt just one day a week would be hard to become routine, so two days would be a bit better where that was concerned.

No. When they can talk and are nappy trained

We don’t need childcare but plan to put our DD into nursery from January, she’ll be a few months off turning 3.

She gets a lot of socialisation from family/play groups etc but she loves playing with other children and I think it’d be nice for her to go a couple mornings a week. We don’t get funded hours though so that’s a bit of a pain! Will get 15 hours from September next year.

I asked a health visitor if we should put her in, they said it’s an entirely personal choice, but there’s no evidence to say it’s beneficial before around the age of 3. That doesn’t mean it isn’t right for your child/family though!

I’d have started doing it before they were 12 months old, even just one half day a week, it’s good for them to learn that you dropping them off and picking them up is not scary, and then the transition to preschool & school is less painful. I know several primary teachers and they all say you can tell which children didn’t spend time away from their parents.

Over 90% of 3 and 4 year olds take up the 15 hours funding so realistically how many children who didn't spend time away from their parents are these teachers seeing?

Just because babies and toddlers don’t actively interact with each other doesn’t mean they aren’t observing and learning from those around them. Even without direct engagement, they absorb social cues, behaviors, and language by watching others.
I enrolled both of my children in nursery: my first at 12 months and my second at 9 months, just for a couple of half days a week; and they both absolutely love it. They've learned so much through the environment, routine, and exposure to other children.

I absolutely agree with this. My point was that they could get this same benefit from a baby group or other settings without the ‘drawbacks’ that can come with nurseries. It’s a myth that children should go to daycare because they need company/socialisation. Daycare is necessary because so many people don’t have a choice and need to use it. But in terms of child development, they don’t need to go unless the parent cannot provide opportunities that are similar at home (e.g because they have to go to work or if they can stay home but their mental health means they would struggle to leave the house and provide socialisation opportunities).

No not until 3 and I've worked in a nursery.

A high quality nursery won't do any harm and will keep babies/toddlers safe and busy while parents work. But the question is, is there a benefit to nursery if you don't need it - and unless parents are depressed or the home environment is very lacking etc, then there isn't.

That also depends on the availability (and price) of baby groups. Not everywhere has loads of affordable ones.

we sent ours to nursery when they turned 3 and got their free hours. Both children went 5 mornings. I was lucky to be able to be at home each day and we went to toddlers groups, met friends for play dates at soft play , went to the library., visited family.

we spent most days out having fun together.

Yes - that would be another factor. Although I think daycare would always be the more expensive option but maybe I’m in an area that has a lot of cheap ones!

Just meeting up with friends in the park and different homes is just as good, as a pp said. Going to the shops, chatting to the cashier, going to library mornings, bumping into parent's friends, visiting granny etc. And parents don't need to provide all the activities of messy play etc as much as they do in nursery, I know some of my friends worried about that, some painting, play doh, jigsaws etc combined with plenty of outdoor time is so good for them. I kept one at home until 16m and had to go back and the other until 3.. he benefitted massively and there was no disadvantage whatsoever when he went into preschool at that point. His language development was commented on repeatedly, no surprise when he had one to one time with his primary carer for the majority of his day.
However all of this with the proviso of, once the parent is happy to do so and there's nothing wrong if they are not and would like the break.

I’d probably wait a bit longer until 24-30 months if I didn’t need the childcare. I think from around 2 1/2, they benefit from a bit of independence and playing with other children in a more formal setting. Just a couple of mornings a week at first, increasing length and / or number of sessions as they approach school age.

I did put my youngest in for one day a week once my oldest went to school, so that I could have a day for getting things done, appointments, hair etc just for a few months until he turned 2.5 and started actual preschool.

People seem to think it’s nursery or no socialisation…

Agreed - taking the stay at home part of SAHM a little too literally 😂

Ot realising that individual circumstances are different? The OP is a carer for an elderly relative. It sounds like she needs a break and to be told that actually, that's ok. Not guilt tripping that others managed multiple playgroups, meet ups etc.

That message wasn’t directed at the OP and was a lighthearted play on words after other posters suggested that it is home or socialisation.

I have said in other messages that if people need to use nursery for any reason then that is what’s best for them and they should use it. In terms of child development, though, it is not a must have if you have the choice as the best place for young children is with their primary attachment figure (unless there are extenuating circumstances such as the mother’s mental health).

Isn't that going to make school a bit of a shock?

My DS who is just over two goes to nursery 3 days a week in term time and currently this isn't necessary as I'm between jobs but wanted to keep him in to get a break and for consistency. I find it odd that people say there is no benefit. My DS now has strong relationships with adults who aren't me or his dad, and he wouldn't have this otherwise (we don't have much family). Also his speech has improved as he has to work harder to make himself understood by non-family. And his confidence and social skills have improved massively. Also he seems to really enjoy all the different activities they do. On his days at home with me he mainly just helps do all the housework as I can't sit around playing all day!

So yes I would do it but not full time.