Would you put your 20 month old in nursery if you didn’t have or need to?

[Fitnessmum1]

I am eligible for funded hours but don’t need them, my lo has been with me every day and only been left with his aunt about 3 times for a few hours.
I am at home and don’t need childcare but whilst it’s on offer with just a small supplement I could send him a couple days per week.
He does have older siblings and I take him to playgroups.

Yes. The break you would get while they’re at nursery is invaluable. You could use it for your physical and mental wellbeing and for doing training courses to prepare for going back to work.

To be eligible for carers payment you need to be spending at least 35 hours caring for the person . I think in those circumstances I would use the nursery hours . Especially if you're also going to try and do some part time work on top of caring for your great gran .

I didn't send my kids until they were 3 but i was only working 30 hours and doing opposite shifts from my husband . I think it's more about individual circumstances .

The book ‘How Not To F Them Up’ goes into many of the studies around childcare (amongst other things) and helped me understand and weigh up the pros and cons. As other posters have suggested, the best thing for children is to be with their primary attachment figure at that age. Around 3 the balance tips and the positives outweigh the negatives. This, of course, isn’t possible for many parents nowadays because of how society has evolved and dual income households but in terms of child development, that’s the ideal (unless there are factors like abuse or depression at home).

Agree. A few days a week at 20 months is a lot to be sending them to nursery when they have no need to be. I did 2 mornings a week from 3 years old.

Mine went to nursery 4 days at 1 because I had to work 4 days. They were very happy and it worked well. But if circumstances were different and I didn’t have to work (I was the only parent), I would not have sent them until the pre school year. There are so many things to do with them at home and activities to go to that so long as you are up to that (health and ability etc) there is no need for the formality of nursery at that stage, imo.

Don't fall for the "socialisation" bollocks. If I hadn't needed it (no family support whatsoever), I would have waited till they were 3.

Wouldn't it be a lot easier to do the caring if you had some child free time? I appreciate you can take him with you while visiting her and that she might enjoy seeing him, but if you're shopping for her, getting prescriptions, the general admin that normally goes with care then that's all a lot more efficient without a toddler!

I technically could have kept mine at home as I did waking night shifts so did get some sleep- just interrupted- but I put them in nursery from 15 months old from 9-3 two days a week so that I knew I could sleep/nap if I needed to. Plus it was amazing to have time to catch up on stuff/be at home without a small person in tow.

No. I mean I did use nursery at that age but because we both worked

If I didn't work, it would be to look after my children.

No, I wouldn't send him yet. I didn't need to send my youngest either, but he went from 3 up until starting school, 4 half days. We didn't have a school nursery but I wanted him to go somewhere as almost all children do. But there's no need at 2.

I put dc in preschool when 2 and a half and it was the worst thing ever. He hated it and it really had a negative effect on his settling in nursery at school after he turned three. We had issues in reception and he’s still reluctant to go to school sometimes even though he loves being with his friends.
I’ll make sure staff are very warm and caring. It’s not always the case, even if the place is rated outstanding.

No I didn’t until 3 then she did three days. That said my other daughter who went in from 12 months old two days a week was a much better behaved child. Not sure if it had an impact or not.

No. Why expose your child unnecessarily to constant illness? And before someone says it's necessary to "boost immunity" they are confusing exposure to dirt and allergens with exposure to viral pathogens. There is an increasing body of evidence out there that shows that children who had more respiratory illnesses in their early years had worse long term health outcomes. With COVID in the mix, a virus that damages our immunity, and that causes hidden damage with every infection (it's a vascular disease so damages our blood vessels and organs), we really should be trying to prevent infections as much as possible.

So if you have the choice, keep your child out to give them a chance for a healthier future. And if you do send them in, make sure your nursery understands airborne mitigations against illness: ventilation through open windows to disperse viral particles exhaled by sick people, and running air purifiers to trap viral particles (and mold, pollution, allergens). Cleaning surfaces is good, but cleaning the air is just as important.

I've put a few resources/references here but there's plenty more if you care to look.

https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(23)00131-9/fulltext

https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2022/is-the-hygiene-hypothesis-true

https://www.covidsafetyforschools.org/ (details about airborne mitigations)

I did from 2 years and 4 months (pre school for 2 mornings).

Edit to delete accidental duplicate post

From about 2 if it’s a choice and I could be selective on the setting then I would put them in for a couple of sessions. Depending on the child it can be good to gradually get them used to being away from you before school. Going from home all day everyday to school full time is massive. The step up from nursery to school is also huge, but without it it’s also the separation aspect too. DD is currently my only (expecting another) so she’s used to my full time and attention and it gets to a point where I’m exhausted. Nursery has been great for her. She has a little friendship group, her vocabulary is really good (she knows words I’ve never taught or read to her so it’s come from there!), but her nursery setting is also small and friendly so that helps. She wouldn’t do well in a busy, noisy environment I don’t think. The nursery staff have also been so helpful and collaborative with her development (potty training, using the first person) and I think if there were any concerns nursery would raise that with me and offer advice/support.
Again. All that is assuming a good setting and staff though. Some nurseries I visited made me want to quit my job and never send her to childcare.

I think I would assuming a quality setting, but only because I’ve seen part-time nursery work wonders to develop my DDs confidence and social skills in particular. She’s 3 now and headed to pre-school soon and she has actual friends. Not just kids she plays with now and again, but kids she has bonded with and whose lives she tells us all about all the time. I know that’s all very fragile at this age but I watch her navigate conflict and share/take turns and she’s genuinely better at it than a few of her peers who haven’t been in childcare. I think those kids will catch up obviously, but I don’t think playgroups where the attendance is hit and miss are the same for building peer relationships as nursery, which has them spending time together consistently. It also means we can send her to a preschool that’s a little more structured (like school) because she can handle the separation from us. I’m excited to see her thrive in terms of school readiness there. She’s so ready to be challenged a bit now thanks to her time at nursery.

It does depend on your child’s personality though. If they’re naturally outgoing and confident they’ll probably love it (once they’ve settled).

I REALLY don’t think kids should go straight from home to school without preschool first though. That’s dumping them in the deep end imo!

Another thing to consider that’s just as important is what that childfree time might do for you. Would it enable you to work or to focus on other things that would make you a happier, more grounded person, which in turn would make you a more present parent? It’s crucial to take care of yourself too, however that looks for you, because it’ll be a good thing for your toddler to see and experience overall!

How and why is this 'bollocks'?

What happens when they get to school?

They may get some illnesses but their bodies will be more developed e.g. respiratory tract, and therefore better able to deal with those infections. They will also have had more vaccines by then. As I said originally, there's no way to "boost" immunity by infection - it's what vaccines are for. Just because a child caught RSV last year won't mean they can't catch it again this year. And now that children are getting repeatedly infected with COVID, their immune systems are going to be more susceptible to other bacterial, viral and fungal infections. Not to mention the increased risk of T1 diabetes, auto-immune disease, and organ damage including cognitive damage that COVID brings. A child who starts school having only had COVID once will be better off than the one who has caught it three times already at nursery.

I get that for the majority, not sending kids to daycare is not an option. But we need to stop fooling ourselves that children are 'building immunity through infection' (let vaccines do that) and instead take measures to reduce transmission in educational establishments, by taking airborne mitigations seriously. Here's another resource www.cleanairforkids.co.uk

And the OP I'm sure will also appreciate not having to look after a sick child or catching illnesses that he brings home from nursery. There's really no advantage to being sick if you have the option to avoid it.

Yes I would for a few hours a week.

If I was in your situation, I would. It gives you a break and I think nursery is so beneficial for children 😊

I would vote yes.

I work but with DC1, we did have a day where he was in nursery and I had the day off. We had no other support and he was a terrible sleeper, and that extra day to get things done or rest absolutely saved my sanity and improved my wellbeing.

I then lost my day off when I had DC2 and lost my sanity.

It’s not a crime to look after yourself as well.

People are saying nursery at 3, but mine needed more stimulation way before then, and yes nursery do fun things with them that I had no idea about, but also quite frankly was too tired to do.

That depends on the mum. I was definitely a better mother to my daughter at 2/3 because I had a break from the relentlessness of it.