he used to be so sweet now he’s angry all the time 😞

[TiredButTryin5x]

hiya. feelin a bit lost again n just want to know if any1 else’s kid changed like this 🥺

my 13yo (ds2) used to be so kind, used to cuddle me, help with his brothers, play silly games with me n ds4. now he’s just… angry all the time. snappy, shouting, slams his door or storms off if i ask him anything. he picks at ds3 (10yo) and shouts over me if i try n talk.

i know teens are moody n i try not to nag but it’s like he’s got this rage inside him n i don’t know why 😞 he used to talk to me, now he just huffs or ignores me. sometimes he cries in his room but won’t say what’s wrong. i’m worried.

maybe it’s all the chaos at home, maybe it’s me. feel like i’m failing him too now. anyone been through this n come out ok? xx

Exactly. It was a bad choice before but an even worse one now. Have you not noticed the economic state of the country? I would not be wanting to be reliant on the state for anything unless I absolutely had to. Honestly even just hearing about your life stresses me out. I actually hope this is someone on a wind up.

I feel so sorry for your children.

These AI replies are so annoying.

She absolutely is failing him

I’m wondering how you conceived when you have 4 kids, 3 rooms and you sleep on the sofa…. Do you have your bf over to stay on the sofa?! Honestly this situation makes me sad.

Of course he is angry. He has probably realised he will have to share a room with the 10 year old and the 4 year old.

saying ‘I love my kids more than anything’ is incorrect. If you did you would not have let another crap man into your flat. When were you having sex with all those kids around?? Did they hear you? And now instead of having a conversation about it they’ve all just worked out you’re pregnant. It’s wild. If you do the following they might have a chance

get an abortion
get rid of the useless boyfriend
sort out their sleeping arrangements - get yourself a sofa bed and sort the 3 bedrooms out for your 4 kids
get a grip on their education- have you signed the oldest up for college?
talk to them, spend the time you were spending with the feckless boyfriend on them

your kids come first. Not your vagina. No more awful boyfriends

Completely.

It's a forum. She has a 3 bed council flat already but expects the council to magic up a larger home so she can keep having more children instead of taking responsibility for her fertility. People are recommending that OP starts making choices that prioritise her current 4 kids, who are already struggling with the ' chaos', one of which is considering not having a 5th. Of course it is acceptable to advise that a termination is an option, because it is one. OP has to decide for herself whether to do it.

Absolutely.

Personally I would get an abortion as you really are in no position to continue this pregnancy but I would tell everyone that it was a miscarriage. The existing children shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for you not having it and then I would get a long term contraceptive like the implant so to avoid any further pregnancies.

You need to prioritise getting your existing children into a better life and adding another child to that is madness in your position.

Do you get full maintenance from the existing fathers? Can you get them to help more or even suggest the 13year old lives with his dad a bit to see if that helps.

I would really concentrate on improving things at home and not adding further problems that another child would bring. Sorry it’s clearly not what you want to hear but you really need to do your best for your existing children

I mean, I probably wouldn’t have put it quite like that but it sums the situation up in a nutshell!

@TiredButTryin5x you seem to be wondering why your 13 yr old has changed and is now angry. Stop and look around and you’ll work it out. It’s chaotic and totally unfair on your children.

You cannot be helped because you refuse to do even the most basic things to help yourself.

Your pregnancy wasn’t an ‘accident’ - you didn’t take your contraception correctly.

If I had 4 children in an overcrowded house and was a single parent on a low income I’d be on the implant, coil, or abstaining.

Your child knows what another baby means. More noise, more chaos, less time with his mother, more disruption.

That is the reality of your child’s life and it’s sad and chaotic and entirely avoidable.

It sounds like a hellish way to live - too many people crammed into a small flat and another being added. You would be putting your existing kids first by terminating. I would suggest focussing on your children, they clearly need you, and forget about boyfriends for now.

And these replies will mean the OP sees the error of her ways, the DS magically transforms to a model student and they all go to Disneyland?

Do you think penises only function in beds and at night?

Or, she'll at least not have a sixth kid down the line? I bet that's what the existing children hope for. You know, the ones who have to live in this chaos with absolutely no say or privacy.

I would correct him when he shouts over you because that’s disrespectful behaviour! Make sure he gets time to speak and that you actively listen because that’s mutually respectful behaviour and lowers the tension. A lot is down to surging hormones especially testosterone. Try and get some one on one time with him away from the chaos of family life and give him the odd hug. My son is now a man almost 7ft and intimidatingly muscled 🤣 as his mum I could not be prouder of him and we talk all the time so hang in there !

Did your son grow up with 4 brothers all with differing needs you couldn’t meet with useless different dads all living in a cramped flat? I’d guess not.

Actually he’s one of 9 so yes lots of chaotic different personalities and stages! I feel like talking is fundamental and actually listening

Yes OP, your 13 year old is going through puberty (which is hard enough on its own,) but in the chaos that his one parent provides, it’s unbearable for him and what you describe is his suffering manifesting itself.
You can’t expect him to keep it all inside. You have your release by writing on here. What about him?
No privacy, no space, no peace, no father, no role model, nobody interpreting his emotions and providing for him as an individual, nobody to turn to except his mum who loves him but just can’t read his needs and remains completely passive to the growing overcrowding problem. You appear to expect him to bring himself up and remain happy and decent. That’s not how it works. You really need to understand that, before adding more chaos to your family.

Children can not bring themselves up.
Love isn’t enough on its own.
They need to be nurtured.
Thats the bit the government and tax payer can’t do for you. That’s your job.

They each need dedicated parents who put their child’s needs first and consider them properly before bringing more fatherless children into the chaos. Parents who have planned for their needs and then deliver for them, show up for them, protect them, actively love them by avoiding and eliminating all obstacles to their development. Every time for years. Not just planning for them as a baby, but until they are adults and beyond. A child deserves a life time of guidance and support from their parents. That’s what you aim for. It doesn’t stop when they stop breast feeding or when they can walk or when they go to nursery or school. It has to be a solid long term plan from two parents for each child if you are going to expect a successful outcome.

You already know that you can’t provide for the children you already have. They don’t have fathers around and your part time wage isn’t enough. You are given money from the government to keep a roof over your heads and food on the table. And yet you keep on taking advantage of the benefits system. All at the same time as moaning it’s not enough. No, that’s right, we know you don’t want a palace, you just want a room each for them. How dare you be so audacious as to expect that from the government. It isn’t the government’s fault that you can’t stop having children. Tax payers are paying for your repeated mistakes and foolishness.
I’m sorry to be harsh but if this is real, you really need to hear it over and over again until the penny drops. Stop having more children. It’s within your power to stop having more children. Things are going wrong in your family because you keep on adding to it instead of sorting it. That’s not love OP.
Don’t fool yourself into thinking it is.

You still have your head in the sand OP.
The advice you seek on here falls on your deaf ears with every new post you make.

Your life and that of your existing children is in your hands. Nobody else’s.
Shape up and make a decent decision for once instead of asking for advice you never listen to.
You’ve had a lot of help OP.
Now take it in and actually do something to help yourself, - off your own back.

Of course not, but I wonder about the appropriateness of this. Sounds like there would be kids everywhere and very limited space - just trying to imagine how OP would be having a boyfriend to stay in her situation. Just sounds like chaos and really unfair on the kids.

Yeah, totally; this thread will be a salutary reminder, won’t it?

This 100%!

No more than a gentle head pat and ''don't worry, at least you love them'' will mean OP sees the error of her ways.

OP, you are going to have to take stock of this situation pronto.

Your 13 year old is probably feeling angry and resentful right now. Add hormones into the mix and you have a typical teen on your hands.

OP, do you have any family support? Input from a family support worker
( maybe via school?) Or any other professional involved in the welfare of your children? It sounds like you are in real need of some guidance here. Have you heard of Homestart? They can help with practical stuff with the kids and round the house.

What is happening about your 15 year old? Have you contacted the school for any advice? Did you read all the advice and signposting from the other MN members?

Seriously, I don’t think a chat with your GP will do any harm re: your pregnancy. You have options. Bringing another little life into an already overcrowded environment, isn’t healthy or fair on anyone.

Who looks after the kids whist you work part time?

OP, you have lots to consider here. Your priority is your existing family.

You need support, but more importantly you need to start taking responsibility. You are the parent, so parent those kids.