he used to be so sweet now he’s angry all the time 😞

[TiredButTryin5x]

hiya. feelin a bit lost again n just want to know if any1 else’s kid changed like this 🥺

my 13yo (ds2) used to be so kind, used to cuddle me, help with his brothers, play silly games with me n ds4. now he’s just… angry all the time. snappy, shouting, slams his door or storms off if i ask him anything. he picks at ds3 (10yo) and shouts over me if i try n talk.

i know teens are moody n i try not to nag but it’s like he’s got this rage inside him n i don’t know why 😞 he used to talk to me, now he just huffs or ignores me. sometimes he cries in his room but won’t say what’s wrong. i’m worried.

maybe it’s all the chaos at home, maybe it’s me. feel like i’m failing him too now. anyone been through this n come out ok? xx

You’re getting some harsh replies but teenagers are generally moody. So add into that the home situation and this is why things are so difficult for him.
Do you ever take the boys to do stuff like footie, swimming, scouts. He is possibly bored & the 3rd DS sounds like hard work.
I would imagine he’s upset at the thought of a 5th baby being added into the family & worrying about where it will sleep. I imagine money will be tight with another baby in the flat. How on earth do you have an unplanned pregnancy when you already have 4? Also I’m impressed you found the time & energy & space to have sex with the boyfriend.

You really need to grow up and take some responsibility. It is not fair on your children to just float through life saying ‘whoops I’m pregnant again’ and then play the card of ‘oh I can’t possibly get rid of it’. It is very obvious that continuing with the pregnancy is a selfish choice on your part. It serves your existing children no benefit whatsoever and given there are already 4 of them, they should be your priority. I’m sure it’s hard but you’ve got yourself into this mess so you need to be an adult and make the responsible choice to get yourself out of it. And then for goodness sake get a coil fitted or similar so that no more of these ‘accidents’ happen. I’m sorry to be blunt but it’s hard to have sympathy when you are actively choosing to make your children’s (and your) life worse, especially in the context of this post where there are clearly already issues in their behaviour.

MN is famously pretty foul to anyone living like this. Having a go at the OP won’t change anything. And she can post as much as she likes.

You sound like my mum. She kept having babies and wasn’t very interested in us once we could walk and talk. I’m NC with her now.
Please get some support. See your GP as a starting point. Sort the bedrooms out so everyone has their own space (I appreciate this may be hard but it’s for your children)

Is he also being made to do childcare or is that only the 15yo?

OP would you have happy if you had their life?

Do you ever do things together?

In your shoes I would seriously consider a termination OP.

People are going to respond how they like too.

It's obviously due to all of the chaos and noise at home. Why you insist on bringing another baby into this mess I'll never know.

Children deserve better than this.

What’s your response then?

No wonder the poor child is angry. He has no space of his own, can’t get away from his 10 year old brother as they share a room - where does he go when his brother is having a meltdown? He must feel so lost, unheard and unloved. I hope he manages to move out as soon as he is able to.

I'd be angry too, if I were him. Too many people in a crowded flat, dad doesn't bother, there's a new boyfriend, and mum is pregnant again. I'd wonder if he didn't react.

You don't seem to have any intention of doing anything about any of the mess you're creating except look on on bewilderment and post on here

Madness.

If you want to do your best for your kids you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and work on practical solutions. Figure out how you will give them the individual time they need. The privacy they need - 13yo sharing a room isn't ideal, so make sure he has hos own area. A privacy screen for example. Get the little kids out the house much more. Do they do any clubs or anything? How can you work towards a better job so you can afford a bigger house?
There's no magic wand, but you don't seem to be doing anything to help yourself or your children. Moping around about the consequences of your choices is pathetic and your children are suffering.

I don’t have one. It’s a societal issue and it’s more than any of us can realistically solve or even really understand.

Some people just have very difficult lives and it’s almost always interlinked to poverty. It’s been around forever, will be around forever and as such it’s more than I can help with. It doesn’t mean telling her to terminate her pregnancy is acceptable, though.

As before poor kids. Their future doesn’t look bright the anger is likely him realising this.

Parenting isn’t having lots of babies you then have to bring them up and provide for them. Pretty much every wealthy professional family I know has 2 maximum 3 kids. What are you thinking having 5 children in these circumstances?

Poor kids.
Why are you adding another into this chaos? You have no space and no support.

Is there any way to swap the rooms around? So you might have DS3 in a box room on his own (so he can get some peace), then DS1 and DS2 sharing a room and You, DS4 and the baby in the other (you and DS4 could sleep in bunk beds with him on the top so that you can be next to the baby in a cot). Or is the idea that DS1 needs private space to study, then will swap with DS2 when he needs that?

You shouldn’t be bringing another baby into this shit situation - a termination might be hard for you to go through with but you really should spare a thought for the children you already have who aren’t coping with their rubbish home life. You owe them more than this

Completely agree with @SErunner. Take some responsibility and stop making your existing children miserable. Get an abortion and get on proper birth control. It’s not the taxpayer’s responsibility to pay for a bigger house for you, if you can’t pay for a larger house then stop getting pregnant. You’re absolving yourself of responsibility for any of this but yes, it’s your own fault.

You need to show your kids how to be a responsible person and that hard work and a plan to improve your situation (not making it worse, which is what you are doing now) is the way to a happier life. Chaos isn’t good for kids and of course a teenager is going to be angry about how you live. He’s probably got no respect for you, and I wouldn’t blame him for that. You need to show your kids that THEY are your priority, not your latest useless boyfriend or yet another baby, then your relationship with your existing kids will start to improve.

You sound very numb @TiredButTryin5x it comes across in your posting style that you feel a bit of a passenger in your life like you don’t have control of things you actually do have choices in.

I agree with your assessment that your DS is really struggling with the lack of stability in his life, what you are calling the chaos. As a teenager there will be stuff going on in his life pressurising him that you couldn’t possible be aware of but he won’t be able to come to you with it even in time because you are creating such a demanding life for yourself that he will see that there is no space for his issues even if you are telling him you are there to listen, you couldn’t possibly be among all the chaos and he can see that. I think you need some help getting back in control of your life.

Honestly your threads go the same way each time because you continue to make decisions that have a detrimental impact on your existing children in favour of a foetus and that’s very frustrating for people to read.

😔 this.

When I hear about children having a sudden change in behaviour my mind immediately goes to wondering whether they are experiencing some form of abuse. Have you spoken to his school about whether they are seeing the same thing there and whether there is extra support they can put in place?

However, it sounds like you've pinpointed the issue to your home situation. This is under your control and you can address it. I agree with a pp comment about maybe seeking support from Early Help.

It doesn't help children in this situation to say to their mother ' oh there there, you love your kids that's all that matters' when they have asked for advice on something clearly caused by their continuous poor choices. Poverty doedmt mean you have to make poor choices. Poor choices in this case are csusing more and more poverty, and generational poverty at that. Those children will have a mountain to climb to have any sort of life. Any qualifications they get will be 200 x more difficult than it would be if they had a quiet place to study and even one parent who put them before her latest boyfriend. Those kids may think they will be able to do what mum is doing and get everything paid for but chances are in 20 years time when they are adults they won't.