Have your babies before your 40

[starcloud]

There iv`e said it i bloody hate it.
My eldest are 22 and 23 and moved out why didnt i leave it at that no here i am with a 5 year old at 50.

I love him but my god it is harder than the first 2.
I want to put slippers on and sit down not read stories and bath time.
I dont want to hear mummy no more than once i heard you the first time.
Sorry sister i cant come on that get away i have no child care.
Hi there exh sorry i pushed you for a another child it was my hormones not me.
Sorry friend i can come for a walk about my son will have a tantrum and sulk again and im skint.

Play dates can fuck right off school gate mums can piss off never had to deal with all this crap with my first 2.
Please dont wake me at 5-6am i want to sleep till 10.
Im peri and i cant be bothered with anything wait still have cleaning to do and never see the bottom of the laundry basket.

I love the weekends because exh comes to collect him on the friday bliss.
He is a hands on dad and dose have him more in holidays.

This six weeks holidays i might just book a holiday for 6 weeks.
Rant over.

Blimey, your poor child.
i think it’s partly your age but you made life hard for yourself with that huge age gap… I had my 3rd at 42 but have three under 11 now and I love it.

Do you find any joy in it? At all?
I’m reading so many sad posts here recently from women who presumably chose to become mothers just resenting it. And no doubt some of that rubs off on the poor kids.

agree with you OP although the age gap may play a role as well as per pp

I mean, I'm not sure what possessed you to do that when you had 2 teenagers. Imagine if you hadn't got divorced, you'd have him full time!

This is why I was sterilised at 25 after my 3rd child, I was worried that I would be a slave to my hormones and want another at 45! hahahaha not a chance😂

As i said i love my child i would do anything in reason for him but its hard work at 50.
I knew what i was doing when doing it and wanting a baby but i dont think i really knew what i was getting in to if that makes any sense.
Ive had a long week when hes good hes good when hes bad its a nightmare.
My child has a wonderful life he really dose i dont and would never regret having him.
But to anyone wanting a baby past 40 pleases dont do it.
Im going to still be doing school runs in my 60s i think.
There are days when i sit and think maybe ex could have him full time and i`ll do the weekends.

Some will come on to call me a bad mother so be it but its the truth age gets us all kids keeping you young no they dont.
So i will have my rant and let it all out.

If it was a longed for first baby it would be different. Another when you've been there and got your life back, only for the most maternal.
I had one at 37 and one at 40 and hormones made me want a 3rd but realistically I declined.
I'm glad there was no school WhatsApp in the 90s. I was never a joiner-in.

It’s a you thing. I had both mine in my 40s, a friend had hers at 45 and another at 46. Only one is still a teen (my youngest turned 20 last month) but we are all fine and quite a few of my school gate friends were the same age as me. And I was widowed when my kids were small so no help at all!

I had my little one at 42 and they’re keeping me young. My husband and I feel we’d be more inclined to slip into our dotage had it not been for our sweetheart (I’m exaggerating about the dotage but you get my drift). Do you have a good community like a local church you can rely on? Other older parents who can sympathise?

It does sound hard, OP, I’m certainly not going to begrudge you a rant.

I guess like anything you just have to try and appreciate the good bits when you can.

I’m 41. My kids are 9 and 6.

I keep thinking I would like another one, but in reality I struggle with the two I have. Deep down I also think I am too old.

But I always imagined having 3. So the hard bit for me is always feeling a bit sad that I don’t.

Didn't we just have this about a week ago?

But you feel as you do because you had two children already, with a big age gap. I had my only child aged 40 and didn’t feel anything like this because I wasn’t exhausted from dealing with older children, hadn’t done it all before , and had spent my entire adult life pleasing myself so had no problem taking a few years out to concentrate on DS.

I was thinking the same dont sound real tbh more of a drag me in thread and let the world know older mums will regret it.

This would honestly be my worst nightmare. I had my kids young for a reason. The thought of being 50 with a 5 year old sounds like hell

Same id hate it cant imagine anything worse.

I think it comes up regularly, from women who had a last child in their forties but seem not to realise that this is by no means the same as having a first child after 40.

Might be your experience, OP, but certainly not everyone's. I had my second at 41 and am more than happy. I don't know a single mum that isn't knackered with young children - 20 or 40 years old!

I 100% agree with what you are saying. I had my second at 41. And with a 5 year old, being peri menopausal. It’s hard! Plus all my friends kids are of an age where they are leaving secondary School and I still have another 11 years to go 😂. I love my dc but having them later and dealing with peri symptoms is not good.

Bully for you meeting someone you wanted to have children with in your 20s. Many people don't!

True there is a thread thats called the older mums moan that was today seems to be alot of these threads coming up.

Yanbu but the problem is any time I would try and give anyone this advice, you get rounded on with ‘ignore the haterz, they’re just bitter, you do what you want hun.’

Yanbu and I had my kids late 38 and 40.

I had my youngest at 40 and even now im thinking erghhhh I'll be FIFTY FIVE with a 15 yr old nooooooooo.

If i hadn't have met someone in my teens/20s i dont think i would of had kids. Im in my 30s now and am exhausted all the time. I wouldn't cope with having a child in my 40s and 50s. And it wouldn't be fair to the child. This is 100% my personal views it has absolutely nothing to do with what others choose to do if you want to be chasing kids round in your 50s and dealing with teenagers in your 60s go for it but I dont.

I totally agree with you OP. Although I had mine in my mid 30s, by the time I'm 50 my DDs will be almost 17 and 13 and I think the youngest will still need me quite a lot compared to my friends kids x

I think you either have them young (bit skint, no established career, but young and fit) or you have them older (established career, solid relationships, financially sound). Both have their pros and cons. But DON’T do both.