Have your babies before your 40

[starcloud]

There iv`e said it i bloody hate it.
My eldest are 22 and 23 and moved out why didnt i leave it at that no here i am with a 5 year old at 50.

I love him but my god it is harder than the first 2.
I want to put slippers on and sit down not read stories and bath time.
I dont want to hear mummy no more than once i heard you the first time.
Sorry sister i cant come on that get away i have no child care.
Hi there exh sorry i pushed you for a another child it was my hormones not me.
Sorry friend i can come for a walk about my son will have a tantrum and sulk again and im skint.

Play dates can fuck right off school gate mums can piss off never had to deal with all this crap with my first 2.
Please dont wake me at 5-6am i want to sleep till 10.
Im peri and i cant be bothered with anything wait still have cleaning to do and never see the bottom of the laundry basket.

I love the weekends because exh comes to collect him on the friday bliss.
He is a hands on dad and dose have him more in holidays.

This six weeks holidays i might just book a holiday for 6 weeks.
Rant over.

I felt so broody at 40, I got the implant put in to stop my hormones in their tracks, don’t regret a thing. But the age gap probably makes it worse OP, once they’ve become independent it must be so hard to feel like you have to do it all over again!

I’m not surprised, it sounds hard going. But imo the issue is more about the age gap. To have a 17 and 18 year old, on the verge of adulthood and moving away to uni etc, and have a newborn baby and start the whole shenanigans again would be many people’s worst nightmare.

I have 3, and love my kids to bits, but the only way I considered 3 was by having them close together and moving through each phase together. They always had someone to play with and each phase - nursery, toddler groups, primary then secondary school- didn’t last forever. I think it must be very hard to do what you’ve done, like bringing up a second family really. So I can understand the rant but I think a lot of it is because you’ve done all this before and are now embarking on it again.
rant away though- it’s what Mumsnet is for!

It sounds tough but hopefully it gets better in time. You need to find something for you when he’s at his dads. A hobby? Meet friends etc..

I agree though. I had my two in my 20s. I didn’t want them in my 30s. My stop point would’ve been 30 exactly for this very reason. When I’m 50 I’ll have a 24 & 25 year old. Some times I wish I had them early 20s!

Well at least it's a marginally less illiterate thread title than the "Hears why not to have kids past 40" of a couple of weeks ago.

Grammar please! Also, poor child.

Do piss off let people type how they want if you don`t like it go to a different thread.
Op is having a rant so let it go.

Everyone’s different. Some people just have more energy than others at any age. Jo Whiley is 60 and her youngest is a teenager, but she’s really fit and toned with bags of energy. 🤷‍♀️

There are lots of mums at dcs' school who had their first children young or very young and then have another set in their late 30s or early 40s. Parenting for so many years wouldn't be for me

I hope I will have another child in my 40s with a lovely man so much

Why on earth did you have a baby at 45? Utter madness. I’m 45 and allergic to babies.

Does dad just do weekends now?
If you do want dad to have him more you can offer it doenst make you a bad mum any more than the weekend only dads are bad dads, if he's a good dad and your son would be happy with him and the change was gradual

Personally for me, I agree, my cut off was 30, whether I had had 1,2 or no children at that point. Obviously everyone is different though and I’m sure many older mums, or women who took a long time to conceive are very happy with their lives just as they are.

I’m loving being a parent in my 40’s thanks, absolutely don’t recognise one bit of what you are saying. But I didn’t do it after already having children that were grown up. It’s your age gap that’s the problem here not your age.

I was completely selfish, did all the things I wanted to as an adult for 22 years and got to the peak of my career. I’m now really content.

I had my ds when I was 45 and two months. He wasn't planned, I was down to one tube and half an ovary. Nature's little joke.

But I've loved every minute of it. I was a single mum by the time DS was 2. Ex has him about 14 nights a year, I do the other 351, plus sort every aspect. No family support. Ds is 16 now, just topped six foot and is lovely. The best thing I have ever done.

It will get easier OP. Hang in there. You need some mid-week help if you feel like that. Someone who'll clear up the kitchen and deal with the laundry while you cope with the rest. A younger pensioner, maybe, who wants to do a few hours for cash.

My mum had me when she was nearly 40 (not planned at all) and my brother was 20. It was hard for her, and me too really. She was peri for much of my early years which was hell. She also thought her and dad could start to enjoy life and not worry about finances so much in their middle age. Instead they had to revert to being a "young couple" again. I wouldn't want to do it - and I didn't!

I really do think it’s different if you have your kids late in life. I know so many women who have kids from 38-46 and they’re not like this at all. They have plenty of energy to do what they need to and have social lives. Most are working part time as well.
Having kids at any age will tire you out if you’re sleep deprived.

I think there are lots of people who regret having children but feel that they can't say it. Rant away OP.

Parenting/motherhood is also different now. It’s such a more isolating time in a persons life and I can imagine is a whole other ballgame to the first time around, especially at a time of life when you just have less patience for nonsense.

I remember going to my mums friend’s house when I wasn’t at school and in the holidays. All of us kids would be outside playing all day at ages that wouldn’t be deemed acceptable to be playing out alone now. Our mums used to drink coffee and gossip all day and half the time wouldn’t necessarily even know where we were. It would be a “go get your sister, we’re going soon” or “be back before dinner”. We’d pop our heads in when hungry and get a cheese sandwich and then be told to go off and play some more.

Now it’s be a primary carer, but also have a career, enrol your child into every bloody activity otherwise they will grow up to be a delinquent, and chauffeur them to all those activities because it’s dangerous for them to walk anywhere. Don’t let them have too much screen time, don’t let them eat processed foods, make time to exercise too, take them to play dates to socialise but don’t actually do anything but follow them around because if they break something or misbehave in anyway then you are a bad parent who doesn’t set boundaries. And NEVER complain because you chose this life. Instead, listen to Sharon brag about how her perfect child speaks 6 languages fluently at 18 months old and has already got a place at Cambridge. Sharon still breastfeeds and rear faces her 15 year old. Be more like Sharon, that paragon of motherhood.

I’m a few years shy of 40 and I find so many aspects of parenting these days tedious. It doesn’t mean we love our children any less but we don’t have that village in the same way. No chance I will have any more after the one I’m currently expecting and certainly not over 40.

I had one at 40, (only have one) it was fine. Have elderly DM who relies on me. DH works away a lot so it’s just me mostly.
I didn’t want children when I was younger, I travelled whilst I was fit (fitter than I am approaching 50!).

Simplify it, OP. Survival mode. Address perimenopause first and foremost, take all the drugs and supplements you can get your hands on, at the doctor's and also vitamins etc. Do that first, and do it immediately!

See if your ex can start to have him from Thursday-Monday.

Ignore all the school gate shit, stand alone, who cares what anyone thinks, especially if they are younger than you. They are irrelevant and you don't need to make effort with them (other than DC's friends parents for playdates etc).

Force yourself to keep the basics clean and eat as healthily and simply as you can, and keep your head up, before you know it he will be grown. Let him lead play and come up with ideas.

It's such a hard age as a woman. And do vent about it. We do not have to perpetuate the golden myth of perfect motherhood, especially single motherhood mixed with perimenopause. It's fucking hard work.

Sorry, have to disagree. Having two babies beyond 40 definitely didn't age me. They are now adults, completely self sufficient and I'm loving life, healthy, gym going and always being complemented on how young I look. I guess it depends on genetics and positive attitude! I loved the whole experience and wouldn't change a thing.
Just do your best, everyone feels like this with young children, it will get better honestly!

i had my second at 37, he’s now a very energetic and demanding 8 yo and I’m in full blown peri. It’s hard. So I agree with you

This isn’t anything new. It’s just that women are talking more openly about it now rather than suffering in silence.

I’ll join you op. I had mine later due to huge fertility issues and that is when it happened. But it’s so much harder in the later years. I just don’t have the patience for play dates, playground and all the crap that comes with the toddler years. I can’t wait for my 3yo to get to 5yrs. I love her to bits but I’m exhausted and drained and find no joy in life now.

and people can FRO with they ‘keep you young’ shite. If anything it ages you. Can’t imagine anyone in this heat wanting to willingly go to splash pools, the playground or play dates with more toddlers!!

@starcloud crumbs it didnt take long for your exh to realise that he didnt, in fact, want a third child!!! you could be collecting your child benefit at the same time as your old age pension! i think anyone who has a baby after 40 is actually very stupid and selfish!! poor kid, having a geriatric mother!