Have your babies before your 40

[starcloud]

There iv`e said it i bloody hate it.
My eldest are 22 and 23 and moved out why didnt i leave it at that no here i am with a 5 year old at 50.

I love him but my god it is harder than the first 2.
I want to put slippers on and sit down not read stories and bath time.
I dont want to hear mummy no more than once i heard you the first time.
Sorry sister i cant come on that get away i have no child care.
Hi there exh sorry i pushed you for a another child it was my hormones not me.
Sorry friend i can come for a walk about my son will have a tantrum and sulk again and im skint.

Play dates can fuck right off school gate mums can piss off never had to deal with all this crap with my first 2.
Please dont wake me at 5-6am i want to sleep till 10.
Im peri and i cant be bothered with anything wait still have cleaning to do and never see the bottom of the laundry basket.

I love the weekends because exh comes to collect him on the friday bliss.
He is a hands on dad and dose have him more in holidays.

This six weeks holidays i might just book a holiday for 6 weeks.
Rant over.

Thank god someone has the balls to say it Op.

Can't understand the hate you've had on the thread OP. If you can't say this on MN where can you? It's not like you're saying it to your child's face.
Maybe you can be a little kinder to yourself. You made a decision at the time which at the moment you're regretting, and you deserve compassion for the difficult time you're going through. You may not always feel this was, DC do grow up however much we might want them to do so quicker. Get as much help as you can OP. And hang in there.

Surely life would be a hell of a lot easier if your ex hadn't walked out and left the majority of day to day care to you. That's not your DC's fault.

Collecting OAP at the same time as child benefit 😆Only if you have a DC at 48 at the very least!

I think that's a fair point. Everyone is different.

I'm in my mid-late forties with a young child and I'm worlds away from wanting my slippers. I have more patience than I had years ago, and I'm also so much more relaxed. No fretting or sweating the small stuff. I'm active, I have a full time job and still find the energy and motivation that I had 10 years ago.

But not everyone is like that. My mum at 45 was practically geriatric.

Can you do 50:50 with your ex? One week at yours and one week at his?

Exactly this. There’s pros and cons to having them early or later. But the OP has done both ends of the spectrum. There in lies the problem. You’ve lost your freedom twice over.

I had a friends like this who never had children because of this rule they lived by. Note the past tense. They dropped me like a stone when I got pregnant in my late 30s

All those saying how bad it would be and how I would be knackered and wishing I hadn’t bothered were so so wrong

If anything it was the best time of my life I loved it. My only regret was listening to my friends and family and the people around me who already had children telling me how bad it was
Wish I had started in my teens. I always wanted lots of children and wish I had followed my own gut instinct and not listened to those around me who would tell me I wouldn’t be able to cope

I'm sorry, shes how old?! I had no idea!!

This was what I was going to say.

If the choice was no children at all or your child over 40, I suspect you’d have gone for the latter.

I’m 56.
I have a 31 year old, a 25 year old and a 14 year old.

I suffered for years with PND with my first, had to go back to work after 5 months maternity leave with my second, so long hard, difficult years.
I couldn’t be the mother I wanted to be with my 2 older darling boys who I adore.

But after having my third at 42, it’s changed my life.

I was made redundant on maternity leave but got a fantastic package and started my business. My life started at 43….and I’ve not looked back.

so I guess we’re all different.

but I won’t lie, the thought of starting again terrified me, I was just getting my life back, and I was back to nappies…. But it was meant to be !!!

Hasn’t Naomi Campbell has 2 at 50+?
There is another woman who has, she used to be on this morning as a dr I think, Im sure I read she was having another one over 50.
As humans live longer lives makes sense we’ll have babies older.
Saying that I was 35 when I had my last and that was enough.

I think the single mum thing really doesn’t help. I’m in my 40’s with a five year old and DH and I are knackered. It’s got to be hard having him most of the week by yourself. I think OP is just very very tired right now.

Honestly as a slightly older mum I would agree with OP, on the plus side, I’ve taken up exercise and watch what I eat because I don’t have time to die and I will be pretty old by the time mine are out the house.

I’m sorry OP. That sounds hellish and heartbreaking

Yeah this. ^ I didn't have my first til around 30, and the second (and last) a couple of years later. The ideal age I suppose is subjective, but I think I had mine at the right time/right age. Between 30 and 34... Now I am in my mid-late 50s and they left for Uni at 18 and never came back. (They live 15-20 miles from me.) Completely independent. I literally cannot imagine having another one in my mid 40s when mine are at secondary school/virtually teenagers, and being a mum to an infant/junior school child in my 50s. And when they're at secondary school I'm in my 60s. Noooooooooo!

I am actually glad to see this thread (there was one similar last week too,) because quite honestly I get sick of seeing having babies in your mid-late 40s being celebrated on here, like it's the best thing ever, and how 'everyone in my social circle does it!' Quite honestly it is NOT a good idea for so many reasons...

I don't know anyone in real life who had a baby past 40-41, and I know lots of professionals. (GPs, Surgeons, Dentists, Vets, Vicars, Teachers, Police, Lawyers etc etc...) Not one of them had a baby later than 41. And the majority of them had the last one by their mid-late 30s.

Only on MN does every third woman have a baby at 45!

Isn't it about time for the bi-weekly 'am I too old to have a baby at 45/46/47?' thread due about now? Haven't seen one for several weeks!

As humans live longer lives - makes sense we’ll have babies older.

No, it really REALLY doesn't.

Sounds tough, OP, but like others have said I do think there are variables. I had my first at 39 and my second at 41. BUT, I have a present and loving partner and we're enjoying it and struggling with it together. It's knackering, but knowing what we know now neither of us would've done it any differently. Having them older can keep you young - no bloody choice! What I wouldn't have done was have them young and then old too. Fuck no. So, you have my sympathies there!

Controversial but I'm not ashamed to admit I'm glad I had my eldest at 16

I’m an old overweight 40 and I have 2 under 2. I feel you op, today my toddler wanted me to jump on the trampoline in the sun while she watered me with the garden hose. Fuck my life.

I was 30. Was a single parent for 4 years. Am now re married and 39 and people are pestering for another kid. I don't feel old at all but do not want an 8 year age gap and be in my 40s. I'm not the most tolerant and found toddler stuff quite hard work in my early 30s.

@Zov do you want mine and DDs respective birth certificates? I’m not sure what the drastic distinction between 41 and 43 is to be honest!

I'm almost 40 with a 5 year old, and I'm shattered. I have noticed a deplete in my energy levels as I have gotten through my 30s. Maybe I'm more noise sensitive now, or perhaps it's just an accumulation of it all, but I had more patience the first time around, despite only a couple of years between them. I'm pleased they're the ages they are, bevause I absolutely couldn't cope any older. It's is nice to know that when I'm 50, they'll be mid-late teenagers, and hopefully a good gap before grand children ! 😂

I may be totally wrong but weren't Naomi's kids through a surrogate?

I’ll be 50 with a 5 yr oldold, my other two will be 16 & 14
I’m not bothered by it.
I’m with my husband and child care was always on us full time. We don’t have anyone coming to Save us, I could always do anything with my first two. Pop them in a trolley, in a high chair they made being a mum easy and this time they help me so much

Crying in infertility here - would give anything to have a healthy bundle at any age