Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Social services referral- panicked

236 replies

Panicpanicpanicpanik · 14/06/2025 17:27

I had a call late afternoon yesterday from social services saying they’d received a call from a concerned neighbour.

They were very empathetic and loosely highlighted the concerns that the neighbours had. All four are beyond false

  1. the children barely leave the house and don’t go on holiday. Well firstly surely not going on holiday isn’t grounds for intervention?! But we also literally just got back from one. The children (4 and 6) go to school, so that’s leaving the house. They also have 2 hobbies on the weekend they go to as a minimum. How many hobbies do young children need? They’re starting rainbows and squirrels next academic year too. We were careful to not overwhelm them. We also go to parks, cheap days out, more expensive days out et. But there are times we have to stay in, illness, behind with house chores (but with housework days they still go out or play in the garden etc)

  2. the children aren’t fed / fed poor quality food. I don’t even know how a neighbour would know what they’re being fed. But I batch cook and maybe once a month maybe twice we have a McDonald’s.

  3. tatty, unclean clothes. They’re always weather appropriate. Sure they might make mess on their clothes out and about but that’s life and they’re always clean

  4. they’ve got no toys. They’ve got all the toys. But it’s given me a clue as to which neighbour reported us. The toys are kept in a storage cupboard as to not clutter the living room and taken out on rotation and when we finish we tidy and put away.

  5. they also said they hear squabbling a lot, which my kids too argue and can’t really be left unattended without them arguing over something because they like the same thing and just pester each other. But surely this is somewhat normal?

as to my clue who has said this. Well we were temporarily friendly with a couple in their late 40s until they found out we’d ’taken their baby name’ for the son they never had. It had taken a while for them to find out as they’d only recently moved in and we’d been calling our son by a nickname that didn’t really bare resemblance to his actual name. Ever since they found out his name, which I’d assumed they’d known as it wasn’t a big secret, the vibe changed. They made a few funny comments, about how it’s unfair people get to have kids and they didn’t, implying people like us, and how unfair it was they had no toys. Then it came out about the name and how we took it from them and they couldn’t be friends with us anymore but would be civil. Fine. It was getting weird.

since they’ve blanked us when they’ve seen us so hardly civil but now this.

what do I do?
im overthinking and worried that making accusations now might look like mudslinging and make us look like we have something to hide?
also the things were reported for are BS right? I feel like I’m doubting myself

help

thanks for reading :)

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Kayakingvacation · 17/06/2025 17:29

If you are fundamentally a good parent you should have nothing to worry about,

It is wrong that a malicious neighbour can get away with false claims. Any backstory re the neighbour?

Once resolved maybe the neighbour should be investigating for wasted time and falsifying information. Have you considered taking legal advice?

purpleme12 · 17/06/2025 18:02

Waste of time

They won't get done for a malicious referral to children's services

Panicpanicpanicpanik · 17/06/2025 20:40

Kayakingvacation · 17/06/2025 17:29

If you are fundamentally a good parent you should have nothing to worry about,

It is wrong that a malicious neighbour can get away with false claims. Any backstory re the neighbour?

Once resolved maybe the neighbour should be investigating for wasted time and falsifying information. Have you considered taking legal advice?

Yeah there is a back story

when they found out our youngest’s name, they accused us of stealing the name they’d planned for their child (at this point they are mid/ late 40s) and child free. They’d not realised prior as we call our youngest by a nickname that you couldn’t really discern name from, but when then penny dropped, that’s when things soured for a maybe 2 weeks, barbed comments when we’d catch each other, and then when I pressed what the shift in tone was, they said they didn’t want to be friends anymore. won’t look in our direction since.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Panicpanicpanicpanik · 17/06/2025 20:43

gamerchick · 17/06/2025 10:50

OP I'm really not sure why you're explaining to us how those allegations aren't true. SS are not going to swoop in and take your kids. They will be very used to malicious reports. They might come, have a look about, check the kids have beds and food in the cupboards and what not. They might speak to the kids but they might not do any of that.

And holidays are not a requirement of having kids either.

I’m more on the would they have been pressed on how they know this information or told some of it isn’t welfare concerns it just seems all blindly accepted atm

OP posts:
Dodgejam · 18/06/2025 05:55

does the neighbour have children at the same school? Did SS give any kind of indication as to when they would be back in contact to arrange the visit? How was the conversation left?

whynotmereally · 18/06/2025 06:07

Social services rarely “take children away” it’s an absolute last resort when a child’s safety is a risk or there is crime/drugs/violence/severe neglect. Not for tidying toys away.

exh had a ss interview and it was over the phone no meeting. I’d ring ss up and check it was genuine. But all that will happen is they will visit and close the case. They willlet school know the outcome. So school will know there are no issues.

kosandcoffee · 18/06/2025 13:08

OP, I just wanted to say please don't panic... I know it's easier said than done but if you know it's malicious and unfounded, Social Services will see this for themselves for what it is. They're more experienced that many accusers realises in being able to detect when something is maliciously done.

I was in a situation like yours, I mean victim of malicious allegations that I was abusing and neglecting my child. Allegations were made by one of my relatives who has been rather spiteful and vindictive for the last several years, blaming me for their problems and relationship breakdown. Again, all baseless.

Anyway, I had a call from a safeguarding lady at SS, can't remember the exact job title but she was lovely. Asked who the accuser was to me (and was shocked when I said they weren't an ex - apparently most allegations are made by vindictive exes who can't deal with being dumped).

She arranged to visit me at home whilst my child was at school. She was so warm and kind, reassured me that she has already investigated and had already been to visit my child at school (to have an age approach "chat" about how things are at home, is mummy kind, does mummy take good care of you and so on). was only 5 at the time. She chatted to them over lunch, I guess on the guise of being a member of staff being friendly or something.. Not sure.

Anyway, she spoke to staff too, found out that my child is always well presented, clean and properly nourished... No injuries either. Excellent attendance and punctuality and staff also told her I appear to be a very decent and attentive parent (which I am).

When visiting my house, she didn't even ask to look around (I did a bit of a spring clean just in case!), but she was satisfied after hearing my side of the story (about the accuser's reasons for being so vindictive towards me), as well as seeing my child and speaking to school staff. She found child to be very well looked after and said no actions need to be taken against me.

Hope this gives you some comfort and reassurance OP. If you are a decent parent who meets your child's needs, then you have nothing to worry about.

Blinkagain · 18/06/2025 15:32

kosandcoffee · 18/06/2025 13:08

OP, I just wanted to say please don't panic... I know it's easier said than done but if you know it's malicious and unfounded, Social Services will see this for themselves for what it is. They're more experienced that many accusers realises in being able to detect when something is maliciously done.

I was in a situation like yours, I mean victim of malicious allegations that I was abusing and neglecting my child. Allegations were made by one of my relatives who has been rather spiteful and vindictive for the last several years, blaming me for their problems and relationship breakdown. Again, all baseless.

Anyway, I had a call from a safeguarding lady at SS, can't remember the exact job title but she was lovely. Asked who the accuser was to me (and was shocked when I said they weren't an ex - apparently most allegations are made by vindictive exes who can't deal with being dumped).

She arranged to visit me at home whilst my child was at school. She was so warm and kind, reassured me that she has already investigated and had already been to visit my child at school (to have an age approach "chat" about how things are at home, is mummy kind, does mummy take good care of you and so on). was only 5 at the time. She chatted to them over lunch, I guess on the guise of being a member of staff being friendly or something.. Not sure.

Anyway, she spoke to staff too, found out that my child is always well presented, clean and properly nourished... No injuries either. Excellent attendance and punctuality and staff also told her I appear to be a very decent and attentive parent (which I am).

When visiting my house, she didn't even ask to look around (I did a bit of a spring clean just in case!), but she was satisfied after hearing my side of the story (about the accuser's reasons for being so vindictive towards me), as well as seeing my child and speaking to school staff. She found child to be very well looked after and said no actions need to be taken against me.

Hope this gives you some comfort and reassurance OP. If you are a decent parent who meets your child's needs, then you have nothing to worry about.

This wasn’t very recent was it?

There isn’t the funds to do this currently unless serious concerns backed up by compelling evidence

many referrals are closed by the end of the initial call to the parent

the fact that a visit is going ahead means that it was has deemed of sufficient concern to warrant further investigation with a visit (and will also contact school)

kosandcoffee · 18/06/2025 16:27

Blinkagain · 18/06/2025 15:32

This wasn’t very recent was it?

There isn’t the funds to do this currently unless serious concerns backed up by compelling evidence

many referrals are closed by the end of the initial call to the parent

the fact that a visit is going ahead means that it was has deemed of sufficient concern to warrant further investigation with a visit (and will also contact school)

No, it wasn't recent.. Was approx 6 or 7 years ago. I guess they have a duty of care to properly investigate any allegation but I expect it quickly becomes clear when allegations are malicious (as in my case). The SS was actually offering me advice on how to break away from the toxic relative who made the allegations, she must have been troubled by the sheer spitefulness of the person and the negative impact of allowing this person near my child. I asked if the SS could please keep details of the accuser and the allegations because I'm pretty sure they would make similar allegations if a certain other relative of ours ever has children. The SS lady advised me yes they would keep details on record at my request.

Taytayslayslay · 18/06/2025 18:21

arcticpandas · 14/06/2025 20:02

@Panicpanicpanicpanik BREATHE!!!
Former social worker here. SS are obliged to investigate when someone makes a report. What they will do : visit you in your home to make sure your children are not locked inside a cave. That they have beds, toys, clothes and that there are not dirty diapers and smelly garbage lying all over the place (Seen this irl). Basically make sure that the living conditions are GOOD ENOUGH. Noone cares about the brands the children's clothes are 🤣. If they have got clean clothes, a bed, toys and look well kept (as in no ingrained weekold dirt) and in good health (neither obese nor extremely underweight unless there is an underlying health condition) then all is good. What do you think social workers earn? Where do you think they buy their children's clothes etc? You probably earn more than them. So stop being afraid of judgment on superficial things.

They will call school to see if they have any concerns. If not, then all is good.

They will see how you (the parents) interact with your children. Try to be as natural as possible. They want to see you being close to your children while also having boundaries for behaviour.

I actually had a malicious referral to SS myself. My autistic son was not going to school but everyone was aware and all competent services were working on getting him into SEN school. I was sahm and home schooled him.
They still had to visit us and called school (I informed my son's teacher who said she would be delighted to tell them that she had never seen such an implicated parent and well looked after child- I was often in school helping out).

Even though I knew I was a good parent and that I had done everything (contacted all competent services) I could to help my child I still felt nervous and had anxiety over their visit. So OP, I understand you do. But please believe me, from what I have read in your posts you have NOTHING to worry about. ❤️

Hahahah 2 years ago me and my kids were homeless due to my mum having a breakdown making it unsafe for us. When the social came to assess me (I needed a 3rd bedroom as my 2 kids can't share) they joked about making sure they're not locked in a cupboard. I said there's no cupboards big enough for them 🤣. They were amazing, assessed me got me the support needed and discharged me as soon as they were done. Don't stress op they ARE there to help

Blinkagain · 18/06/2025 18:43

Taytayslayslay · 18/06/2025 18:21

Hahahah 2 years ago me and my kids were homeless due to my mum having a breakdown making it unsafe for us. When the social came to assess me (I needed a 3rd bedroom as my 2 kids can't share) they joked about making sure they're not locked in a cupboard. I said there's no cupboards big enough for them 🤣. They were amazing, assessed me got me the support needed and discharged me as soon as they were done. Don't stress op they ARE there to help

What support were you provided with?

Taytayslayslay · 19/06/2025 17:40

Blinkagain · 18/06/2025 18:43

What support were you provided with?

So, they wrote the assesment and stated we did need the extra bedroom & referred me to a family support worker because my son has SEN and I was struggling with getting the ehcp in place as he wasn't in a school setting yet. Then, he got a school place, we got our forever home & the ehcp got approved not long after! The family worker met me twice, said I'm very knowledgeable and now it was all in place she would discharge me too :)

Blinkagain · 19/06/2025 17:57

Taytayslayslay · 19/06/2025 17:40

So, they wrote the assesment and stated we did need the extra bedroom & referred me to a family support worker because my son has SEN and I was struggling with getting the ehcp in place as he wasn't in a school setting yet. Then, he got a school place, we got our forever home & the ehcp got approved not long after! The family worker met me twice, said I'm very knowledgeable and now it was all in place she would discharge me too :)

Who reported you?

Taytayslayslay · 19/06/2025 17:58

Blinkagain · 19/06/2025 17:57

Who reported you?

Nobody, I self referred because the council told me they needed proof I needed an extra bedroom for my kids. Once I got what I needed they had no concerns and discharged me

Blinkagain · 19/06/2025 18:14

Taytayslayslay · 19/06/2025 17:58

Nobody, I self referred because the council told me they needed proof I needed an extra bedroom for my kids. Once I got what I needed they had no concerns and discharged me

A self referral is rather different to an external concerned report

Taytayslayslay · 19/06/2025 18:19

Blinkagain · 19/06/2025 18:14

A self referral is rather different to an external concerned report

I was only letting them know to be calm, social aren't there to just take kids they are there to help too.

Blinkagain · 19/06/2025 18:22

Taytayslayslay · 19/06/2025 18:19

I was only letting them know to be calm, social aren't there to just take kids they are there to help too.

Absolutely
and good on you for being so proactive

Taytayslayslay · 19/06/2025 18:36

Blinkagain · 19/06/2025 18:22

Absolutely
and good on you for being so proactive

Thank you so much! Was a struggle but got there in the end. Hopefully they meet OP and that'll be the end of it for her!! It feels scarier than it is haha

Lavatime · 19/06/2025 20:40

Op someone from my children's school referred me to social services (maliciously imo as we were disagreeing about my Sen son on various things and blaming parents of Sen children seems to be standard a lot of the time) for various non-reasons including that they argue with each other, the social worker said none of the things that were raised were safeguarding concerns, agreed that it seemed the person making the report was being judgemental and said that siblings argueing is normal and to be expected- she said they would be concerned about siblings fighting only if things were at the level where they were sustaining major injuries or broken bones from fighting etc and closed the case.

Panicpanicpanicpanik · 19/06/2025 22:01

Dodgejam · 18/06/2025 05:55

does the neighbour have children at the same school? Did SS give any kind of indication as to when they would be back in contact to arrange the visit? How was the conversation left?

No the couple as childless.

it was left as we’ll be in touch, presumably as it was a Friday.

they called back yesterday, asked if they could come today. They haven’t spoken to the school nor my kids. They came as dh and I can wfh. Didn’t ask to look in cupboard but did ask about the allegations.

asked what we have for breakfast lunch and dinner. I explained, we offer food, have safe foods at each meal but we don’t make alternatives or kid meals, although we do have fish fingers and oven chips here and there but I do try and get the ‘cleanest’ version ie just cod breadcrumbs and salt and pots oil and salt. She asked for typical breakfast: cereal and fruit, eggs toast and fruit, crepes fruit and Nutella is a treat breakfast once a week, porridge and fruit. Asked for lunch: said school lunch 5 days a week or we might have toasties and veg sticks and fruit, or pizza muffins, jackets etc something relatively quick. Dinners: stir fry’s, roast, lasagna, pie and mash, pasta etc, same for snacks.
asked if my child was underweight and I said no, but she is slight, showed photos she asked for the red book but it’s not up to date. Asked if they get weighed in school and I said no because I don’t think it’s helpful. Discussion on that. And we monitor growth at home in a neutral environment. Confirmed weight and height for both, again pictures.

never leaving the home: well I said they’re in school, and frankly we both have work and work FT so don’t have the option of casually not sending them. Followed up by talking about their clubs and the various badges etc they’ve got from them. Bit of proof there. She did ask about holidays, and I was a bit short here because I don’t think that’s any of the state’s business. But told her we’ve had 2 hols this year and another planned and last year we did 4, year before 4, year before 2, then pandemic.

clothes: well she didn’t really ask about that because there was a big pile of folded laundry on the dining table and kids coats, and shoes in the hall and hats etc in the hall. So can easily see weather appropriate clothes.

she asked if they get on: we were honest and said it depends, sometimes they do but other times they bicker and wind each other up and get jealous

she asked how I’d feel about her speaking to my kids and I said tbh not good because I think it would frighten them but if you feel you need to you can, she said she wouldn’t on that basis

asked about attendance: said didn’t know but dug out my eldests reception attendance which was 95%. And that was due to taking her out when she was under 5 for a holiday. She didn’t say anything on that. Then about how they’re doing and showed reports which show school/ nursery saying they are happy children, who talk about family at school. Showed pictures art work, comments from parents evening. Awards won in school.

Apparently the neighbours mentioned about unsafe car seats too, we just showed her. She did query why my eldest is still rear facing but accepted what I said about safety.

had a brief look in the house, kids bedrooms

and then said we’ll be in touch.

i asked were the neighbours pressed on all the things they said like how the know it and no they weren’t. Apparently though they did want to be kept informed of the investigation and any steps they take because they are gravely concerned.

it was an odd experience and we were definitely treated more neutrally rather than ‘trying to help’ , there wasn’t any positive affirmations or anything rather oh yes sounds ok, sounds fine, or ok and then next question a bit like being interviewed rather than a conversation

OP posts:
Panicpanicpanicpanik · 19/06/2025 22:04

^ they also asked about medical conditions, hospital trips. We explained recent visits. Largely GPs due to viral, but youngest had allergen appointment and eldest private paeds (won’t say reasons here) but we have private health cover and their monitored yearly by their private paeds and in the interim if necessary. We had paperwork for those appointments, handed it over, leafed through

OP posts:
Blinkagain · 20/06/2025 06:10

Your eldest is 6 years old and in rear facing? What car seat do you have for her?

Blinkagain · 20/06/2025 06:11

How was the assessment visit left?

K0OLA1D · 20/06/2025 06:31

The neighbours sound absolutely bonkers. I wonder what their end game is here. Did they think your dc would be removed!? When was the last time you spoke to them?

Sounds like the visit went OK. Hopefully they'll just let you know soon that the case is closed

saraclara · 20/06/2025 07:14

I'm sorry that you weren't treated with more warmth and positivity. Because everyone you were able to report pretty much makes you the perfect parents, as far as I can see. By the time they were part way through they should have felt able to be reassuring. But there's no way that there's anything for them to follow up on, so hopefully this is the end of it.