Social services referral- panicked

[Panicpanicpanicpanik]

I had a call late afternoon yesterday from social services saying they’d received a call from a concerned neighbour.

They were very empathetic and loosely highlighted the concerns that the neighbours had. All four are beyond false

1. the children barely leave the house and don’t go on holiday. Well firstly surely not going on holiday isn’t grounds for intervention?! But we also literally just got back from one. The children (4 and 6) go to school, so that’s leaving the house. They also have 2 hobbies on the weekend they go to as a minimum. How many hobbies do young children need? They’re starting rainbows and squirrels next academic year too. We were careful to not overwhelm them. We also go to parks, cheap days out, more expensive days out et. But there are times we have to stay in, illness, behind with house chores (but with housework days they still go out or play in the garden etc)

2. the children aren’t fed / fed poor quality food. I don’t even know how a neighbour would know what they’re being fed. But I batch cook and maybe once a month maybe twice we have a McDonald’s.

3. tatty, unclean clothes. They’re always weather appropriate. Sure they might make mess on their clothes out and about but that’s life and they’re always clean

4. they’ve got no toys. They’ve got all the toys. But it’s given me a clue as to which neighbour reported us. The toys are kept in a storage cupboard as to not clutter the living room and taken out on rotation and when we finish we tidy and put away.

5. they also said they hear squabbling a lot, which my kids too argue and can’t really be left unattended without them arguing over something because they like the same thing and just pester each other. But surely this is somewhat normal?

as to my clue who has said this. Well we were temporarily friendly with a couple in their late 40s until they found out we’d ’taken their baby name’ for the son they never had. It had taken a while for them to find out as they’d only recently moved in and we’d been calling our son by a nickname that didn’t really bare resemblance to his actual name. Ever since they found out his name, which I’d assumed they’d known as it wasn’t a big secret, the vibe changed. They made a few funny comments, about how it’s unfair people get to have kids and they didn’t, implying people like us, and how unfair it was they had no toys. Then it came out about the name and how we took it from them and they couldn’t be friends with us anymore but would be civil. Fine. It was getting weird.

since they’ve blanked us when they’ve seen us so hardly civil but now this.

what do I do?
im overthinking and worried that making accusations now might look like mudslinging and make us look like we have something to hide?
also the things were reported for are BS right? I feel like I’m doubting myself

help

thanks for reading :)

Food in the fridge. Toys available. Know where the children’s clothes underwear and socks are kept I assume you are on top of all this You have nothing to worry about if you are not actually doing anything wrong.

There’s more stories about social services not taking kids when they are in horrible
sitiations. For example Baby P lived in a home where there was dog shit all over the walls and his mother covered him in melted chocolate when social workers visited to cover injuries.

They have to check. Even if they suspect it's all rubbish, because until they do check there is the possibility a child is at risk.

We had a referral after DD expressed suicidal thoughts and I took her to A&E for an emergency mental health assessment - it triggered an automatic referral.

It felt intrusive, of course, but they contacted school, who had no concerns (about my parenting, and put in place a safety plan and support for DD at school). Did a home visit, chatted with DD and asked if we wanted support.

I said that support would be great, and it really threw them! We had a support worker for a few months, but she was up front about not really being to help as DD's issues weren't due to anything about parenting or home circumstances... and after a few months of popping in for a chat closed the case.

If I had said 'no thanks' to support it would have been closed after the home visit.

So, try not to worry. Honestly, you wouldn't believe how bad things have to be for SS involvement, and even then they will offer help and support as an initial step. You don't need to have a show home, just the basics like no faeces all.over the carpet!

will the fact that I opted out of the HV service be used against me?

I just saw no value add and they gave me really dangerous advice about my son’s allergy (keep feeding him the suspected allergen and he’ll grow out of it) when introducing solids. He didn’t and this allergy you don’t grow out of and he carries and épi pen now

A 'lived in' house is what a social worker likes to see if there are children. They are much more likely to be concerned if you are living in a clinical house.

SWs have enough to do without receiving children into care for no good reason. Even where there is good reason they fall over themselves trying to support families so children can be at home.

Just tell the SW what you have said here.

depending on the day of the week will depend on the amount though, and yes toys in the cupboard and clothes in the wardrobe and draws

That’s ok. You can explain that your shop is on a particular day. Maybe keep a receipt from the next time you do a shop

Please try not to panic. It's very unsettling and upsetting for you but social services are used to malicious reporting and will probably close the case once they've visited you. They won't care if your house is untidy and they will listen to what you have to say. Tell them about your former friends/neighbours and what happened. You know you are good parents and your children are well cared for. The children's school will also tell them there are no problems with you and your children. The threshold for SS removing children is extremely high and they would have to have evidence of abuse or neglect, neither of which is the case here. Just try and hold tight and keep calm, I know it's easier said than done. Look after yourself lovely 💐

No.

Honestly, try not to worry.

A good friend is a lawyer who represents families where the LA is considering taking action, and she has clients who e.g. can't manage to.get their children to school before 11am most days because they are too hungover, and they still don't meet the threshold for removing the children.

There is an incredibly high threshold for interfering in family life, quite rightly, and anything compulsory is decided by a judge not the social worker. In those cases parents are entitled to Legal Aid that isn't means tested.

My daughter is a Social Worker and they absolutely have to follow up with a visit. Thank goodness they do. They will be looking to see that your children have a clean and comfortable place to sleep, that there is food in your cupboards, that your children have no obvious injuries or pain and that you are not off your head on drink or drugs. Try not to worry OP.

As a recently retired Headteacher, I have had many such calls from social services. They will ask if school have any concerns about your children, what their attendance is like, if they are dressed appropriately for the season. If your children take packed lunches, they might ask if staff have any concerns about the contents of their lunch.
If school have no concerns, the call will last a few minutes. If school do have any concerns, they should already have shared those with you, so it really doesn’t sound like you need to worry about social services contact with school.

It won’t show up on an enhanced DBS check.

You might need to check with your union/employer’s policy/HR whether you need to inform your employer. You may have to inform them if you are being investigated so they can assess whether you are a potential risk.

I had literally dozens of malicious calls put in about me anonomously (from my mother).

The first couple were severe enough allegations that they came out checked my house, spoke to the kids, spoke to the kids doctors, schools and HV.

The rest they pretty much called and said "you battering your kids yet?" and I said no.

After 2 years of at least monthly calls I was called in for a meeting with them, the school and everyone involved with my kids were invited. Every agency involved said that they would report any concerns and name themselves, and SS said they weren't going to bother with any more anonomous reports about me so that was fine.

It's a bit annoying, but I knew I had nothing to worry about so it didn't bother me too much.

They have school dinners and we aren’t allowed to send in snacks. Although my daughter’s summer club they have pack lunch there. She’s very slight though about 10th centile for bmi but it’s because she’s a motor mouth, she’d rather just natter than eat and I think we put too much pressure on her to eat when she was younger and she’s a stubborn little girl.

the early years is attached to the school so it’s all the same trust, will it matter that they wore Asda clothes to nursery? Some of their school uniform bits are from supermarkets too. One of the points of concern was cheap tatty clothes. But they grow so quick and sainsbury and Asda are just right down the road from us, it’s easy

The social worker will need to look around the whole house including the children’s bedrooms.

Oh god. I hope not. The embarrassment

Stay calm most parents buy school uniform from supermarkets it makes no sense to buy Gucci school shirts as long as they are clean it doesn't matter

My youngest (just 4) still sleeps in a cot bed (side off) it’s like converted to a toddler bed.

what will they be looking for, they just have normal bedrooms, single bedrooms. One has a wardrobe and draws fixed to the wall and the other a wardrobe and draws built into this nook. They have little chairs from Dunelm and a small bookcase and a toybox and nothing else

I work in a safeguarding team (enhanced DBS) there was no need to disclose anything.

We had a malicious report made against us - I think by the mother of a child who bullied our daughter. It was devastating and I know exactly how you must be feeling now. The anonymous reporter also made ridiculous, easy to dismiss allegations. It sounds like one visit will clear this up and it will be marked as a malicious allegation. In our case it was marked malicious without even visiting as the allegations were either ridiculous, irrelevant (like your holiday one) or instantly provable as false by a third party eg. Doctors etc.

But I will warn you it’s deeply upsetting to think someone could do that and disrupt your life this way and even though marked malicious, your children will have a social services record until they are 18. This rears its head any time they have an accident or you go to a&e and presumably if there’s another allegation.

I think making malicious allegations is absolutely vile and people who do it should be prosecuted. The pain and anguish it causes is horrendous. I hope this is quickly resolved for you OP.

Thanks! It’s just got me questioning everything, it’s like a real assault on my parenting. It’s actually really upset me. I mean I do try my best. We were going to surprise them by telling them they’re going to Disneyland too and then bam this and I’m worried they’ll be taken away (I’m aware I might be catastrophising)

Why would it actually matter if they have Asda uniform or not?? You're just being silly now

They look to see that the child has a room, a bed, with clean sheets and bedding. And toys. Doesn't have to be loads of toys. I've never had social worker round but have had police officer checking because of malicious reports by neighbour and that this what they told me.

Welcome ss into your home with bemused looks.
You have nothing to hide

Put out some photos of your kids on holidays!

Many years ago I fell out with a friend.

Subsequently she went on a warpath attempted to sleep with my husband and made a malicious report to social services about me, they didn't even bother visiting my house actually they just did a phone call. They are well and truly used to malicious reports. If they do visit your house stay calm and be yourself it will be obvious that everything is fine in your family

I had something like this happen when DD was about 8 or 9 and I was a lone parent. The SW was lovely and very apologetic about having to do the visit.

DD was home sick with chicken pox when the SW came out and DD flat out refused to let me leave the room so the SW could speak to her alone.

SW had a very brief chat with us, I can't recall if she checked DDs bedroom (DD was on the sofa downstairs) but I'm pretty sure she knew our little 2 up 2 down (very lived in) ex-local authority, terraced house was a safe home for DD as soon as she walked in.

Try not to worry OP - though I was equally as mortified as you at the idea of school being informed 🙈