Am I over reacting to something my father in law did with my 17mo?

[123Thoughts]

My father-in-law regularly watches our 17-mo DD. Today he sent a picture of her napping in her cot — which was full of toys, books, and, most worryingly, her sleep sack.
The sleep sack was fully fastened but just lying loose in the cot. She wasn't wearing it. Normally, we keep it folded over the cot rail when not in use, and I always remove it before putting her down because I worry it’s a choking/suffocation risk. It’s not like a blanket — it has neck and arm holes she could get tangled in, which really worries me. To me, it feels like leaving an open bag in the cot.
I wasn’t thrilled about the toys and books — mostly for comfort reasons — but I was furious about the sleep sack. It feels like a big safety risk.
To make things worse, he then told me he was napping too. So not only did he leave her in an unsafe sleep environment, but he wasn’t even actively watching her. He hadn’t asked us to check the cot setup or mentioned he’d be sleeping himself — just sent a “look how cute she is” message.
I texted him suggesting he could go downstairs and ask my husband for the monitor, but to please remove everything except one toy from the cot. I didn’t want to panic him, but I was internally freaking out.
Later, my husband went in and found FIL asleep and the cot still full of stuff, so he cleared it himself.
Am I overreacting for feeling so angry about:
a) him leaving her to nap with what I see as a serious safety risk and then falling asleep himself?
b) not thinking to remove things from the cot once he knew he wouldn’t be supervising?

It’s no more a hazard than it being draped over the side really.

I wouldn’t be worried about toys etc in the cot at that age. My 3yo actually sleeps with a fastened sleeping bag as a comforter!

Preferably they shouldn’t have too many things in their cot when they’re meant to be napping but I don’t see an issue here ?
At that age 2 of my children were climbing out of their cot and throwing teddies and toys in it and board books 😆
And it’s lovely you have an involved grandad here !
I had no one to mind my 3 children

What is wrong with toys in the cot, or books? The sleep sack was done up, unlikely your DD could get into it or harm herself. Over-reaction. Poor Grandpa, knackered looking after DGD.

At 17 months I would be a lot more relaxed about all that.

17 months old not 17 weeks?! You're over reacting. My DD went to a cot bed at about 18 months and bearing in mind she'd started waking at 10/11months Im not exaggerating when I say I'd go in her room and find every single toy in with her 🤣

I wouldn’t worry about that at all, presumably she can move around so stuff isn’t going to fall on her. My eldest DD was climbing out of the cot at 18 months!

It’s also not at all like a plastic bag which a baby could get their head stuck in

You're massively overreacting here - she's not a newborn, she's a mobile toddler!

You need to learn to relax OP. No risk here.

At this age my child would bounce out of the cot. Literally, with mattress on lowest setting and with them 'secured' in a sleeping bag. Bounce and up onto the railings and fall down to the ground.

Actually, draped over the side of cot is worse. They will pull themselves up using it and may fall into the side of the cot or use it as an aid to propel themselves out the cot like my child would have done.

You're being OTT and unless there are other concerns I think you need to back off.

A 17 month old can walk and get away from uncomfortable things . I think you are overreacting

he then told me he was napping too
You accuse your FiL of not watching your DD while she is sleeping, you were then able to contact your DH who found them both asleep. Does that mean someone is watching her all through the night, eyes wide open? Did your DH stay sitting in the room watching, while his daughter was having a nap?
Your FiL was doing his best. Didn’t you or your husband list all the things he should and shouldn’t do regarding your DD.
My DDs were in beds and could get out, to put themselves on the potty (which was in their bedroom) if they woke up

@Washingupdone My DDs were in beds and could get out, to put themselves on the potty (which was in their bedroom) if they woke up

At 17 months they got out of bed, pulled their pyjamas down, went to the potty and got back into bed themselves? Sure.

Said only by someone who hasn’t had a 17 month old in a very long time.

Too true, no disposable nappies 🤣

I think you’re overreacting, I do get it, but I think you are. Did you expect him to sit staring at her while she was sleeping?! Why couldn’t he have a nap?! Granddaughter/grandad relationships are so funny and you have to remember, it may have been a long time ago but they did raise (what I presume are) healthy children to adults! They just do things a bit differently. My dad didn’t realise until my DD was born that toddlers needed car seats these days!!! Took her off to b+q one day without one! She lives to laugh at the story. Don’t worry, they will protect them with their lives. He sounds like he is trying his best give him a break xx

I think that's a reasonable assumption for a 17 mth old child. Potty training used to begin much earlier - terry nappies are a bind to wash, that's why.

Actually less so, since draped over the side it could be used by child to pull themselves out of the cot.

They were also unpleasant to wear I would imagine so there was a great incentive to wear pants! Disposables make it easy to not bother with using the potty, if I could wear a comfy nappy all night, I wouldn't bother getting up either!

What I don’t understand is why parents today keep their children so long in disposables considering the price.

Nappies these days are so cheap and that is part of the problem. Back in the day when the were 50p each you had to get your baby out of them as soon as possible. Mind you ii am that old that when i had my first only a few shops sold them.