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Original poster

Living with in laws

90 replies

Newboymummy2025 · 28/05/2025 10:07

Hi,
we currently have a 4 month old and live with my mother and father in law. I’m finding it very difficult with the fact that they see him everyday and are always there whenever we walk into another room of the house and they have to speak and try and interact with him. I love them to pieces and glad they get a close relationship with him, but feel some days I want it to just be myself and my husband he sees? Does that seem unfair? Just struggling to set the boundaries and how to word it to them so I can keep sane! I don’t want to cause any upset but it feels a bit suffocating some days. Any advice would be great!

OP posts:

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Coconutter24 · 28/05/2025 16:34

Newboymummy2025 · 28/05/2025 10:10

I don’t expect them not to see him I just Tbink it doesn’t need to be everyday? Of course they can see him but some days just want a quiet day of just a family?

How would you do that if you live with them?

Droplet789 · 28/05/2025 17:06

Yeh I don’t think you can set boundaries as you’re in their house, you can’t ask them
to not go into certain rooms as it’s ultimately their house I’d be planning on moving out and next steps.

GreenFields07 · 28/05/2025 17:07

I would absolutely hate this. But thats why I didnt live with my in laws when I had a baby. You cant expect people living in their own home to avoid certain areas at certain times so you can have your baby all to yourself? You shouldve thought about that before you moved into their home. Its perfectly fine to want your newborn baby all to yourself, but thats why people do it when they have their own place.

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WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 28/05/2025 17:11

How on earth would you possibly arrange it so that they don’t see him every day? Have a kitchen/communal space rota?
YABVU.

Hatty65 · 28/05/2025 17:15

This is not possible whilst you live with them.

You can't expect days where they don't speak to you/see you. You are dependent on them to house you. If you want 'family only' days with your partner and baby then you need to find your own family home.

TillyMoo84 · 28/05/2025 17:15

This is really super weird. Surely you knew they’d see DC every day? What an odd thing to realise now.

Alwaytired44 · 28/05/2025 17:23

What exactly do you propose as a solution? You sound a little narcissistic in that the only people you want your son to “see” on certain days are you and your husband? What the hell?!!

Noodles1234 · 28/05/2025 17:24

I understand you want some alone time with your DH and DC, but if you are living in their home this is going to be difficult to say the least.

To want them to ignore you and baby will be alien to most people, and if you voice your request you will likely come across rude, unfair and possibly a little odd.

I would arrange (where possible) time at parks / coffee shops/ elsewhere for you to have family time. Choose places you both enjoy. Obvs with a newborn this is going to be difficult with needing a lot of possible equipment for baby and possibly you. Even if only an hour that hour will be precious.

what might be a better option is to arrange time for your in laws to pop out, maybe to a friends or you could buy them a voucher to say thank you to go out for a meal (think about 30-60 min drive away to pace out the time). Cheeky as their house.

give it 3-6 months and you maybe grateful for them waking up with baby at 6am, so choose your words carefully.

IAmTheLogLady · 28/05/2025 17:25

My brother and sil lived with my parents in similar circumstances.
All my sil did was moan how difficult within acknowledging how supportive and kind my parents were being.
They could have said no. Get your own place but they didn't. And yes they interacted with the dc too - on a daily basis.
Sils huge sense of entitlement and lack of gratitude was so frustrating.
Whilst I can understand that you desperately want your own space, you're an adult. You and your dp need to take responsibility for that, no one else.

Harry12345 · 28/05/2025 17:28

im sorry but this is a tough shit situation, you need to move out if it’s so bad

Rainbowpony6 · 28/05/2025 17:28

Newboymummy2025 · 28/05/2025 10:10

I don’t expect them not to see him I just Tbink it doesn’t need to be everyday? Of course they can see him but some days just want a quiet day of just a family?

That's easily solved
Move out
Your totally being unreasonable
They are sharing their home with you

Cornishclio · 28/05/2025 17:32

Move out.

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 28/05/2025 17:36

How can you possibly set boundaries when you live in their house?

JellyAnd · 28/05/2025 17:43

I don’t think many could manage living with their in laws so I get that you’re craving your own space! But unless you either have your own fully functional annexe and/or are happy to go out all day then how exactly would that work in practice? You can’t just tell them to sit in their bedroom all day and not use the living room or kitchen which in reality is what you’re asking. When you live with people you have to interact with them every day! If that doesn’t work for you then you move out.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 28/05/2025 17:43

It’s ludicrous that you expect people to make themselves scarce in their own home to give you family time alone. Of course if you had your own home it would be reasonable to not see your in laws daily but that’s not your situation. If you’re unhappy with the frequency you see your in laws stop assuming they’re the problem, take responsibility for your own housing situation and the consequences of that and move out.

Silvers11 · 28/05/2025 17:48

Completely understand that you want your own space and time with just you, your partner and the baby.

But you are living in someone else's house, so YABVVU to even think about asking them to butt out . The situation you are in, is bound to have these conflicts. It goes with the territory, which is why so often on here, people are advised not to live with relatives, if there is any alternative.

I hope you can be in a position to move out very soon and give you all space - Your in-laws would probably like their own space back too, sooner rather than later. It will be a huge sacrifice for them to take you all on board in their home, almost certainly and you really should not be being so ungrateful

yeesh · 28/05/2025 17:52

You live in their house! How rude and odd to say they can’t see him

Barrenfieldoffucks · 28/05/2025 17:57

Newboymummy2025 · 28/05/2025 10:10

I don’t expect them not to see him I just Tbink it doesn’t need to be everyday? Of course they can see him but some days just want a quiet day of just a family?

So what are you suggesting?

If it is that you move out, stand on your own two feet as adults and meet up with them as appropriate, then yes...great idea.

If it is some kind of "try to avoid us on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and please don't make eye contact with little Johnny" then no, that's bonkers. And rude.

ShesTheAlbatross · 28/05/2025 17:57

Newboymummy2025 · 28/05/2025 10:10

I don’t expect them not to see him I just Tbink it doesn’t need to be everyday? Of course they can see him but some days just want a quiet day of just a family?

Genuinely, what are you talking about? Of course it has to be every day, they live there! Of course they speak to and interact with your son. You cannot possibly say “on Saturday, can you please make sure we do not see you”.

I think if you feel suffocated, you need to move out, not try to tell them to avoid you in their own house.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/05/2025 18:03

Would you like them to vacate their home a couple of days a week or just to ignore your baby?

Why aren’t you living independently?

Buffs · 28/05/2025 18:17

But you live in their house every day. The interaction with your in-laws is probably good for your baby.

Jumpers4goalposts · 28/05/2025 18:18

You are being ridiculous. You live in their house you need to move out.

Tbry24 · 28/05/2025 18:46

Where are they supposed to go its their home? Why don’t you move out? Also why don’t you go out for the day then it would just be the three of you.

MrsF111 · 28/05/2025 18:56

I would hate it too op, I would get out of the house for walks, coffee shop etc as much as possible and also spend a couple of hours in your room if you can. I don’t think it’s feasible to not see them at all on for a day but try and get a good few hours without them

Laura95167 · 28/05/2025 19:04

Newboymummy2025 · 28/05/2025 10:10

I don’t expect them not to see him I just Tbink it doesn’t need to be everyday? Of course they can see him but some days just want a quiet day of just a family?

If you want a day just the 3 of you move out or take a trip. It would be weird to ignore you in their home

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