Living with in laws

[Newboymummy2025]

Hi,
we currently have a 4 month old and live with my mother and father in law. I’m finding it very difficult with the fact that they see him everyday and are always there whenever we walk into another room of the house and they have to speak and try and interact with him. I love them to pieces and glad they get a close relationship with him, but feel some days I want it to just be myself and my husband he sees? Does that seem unfair? Just struggling to set the boundaries and how to word it to them so I can keep sane! I don’t want to cause any upset but it feels a bit suffocating some days. Any advice would be great!

I think its unfair to expect them not to see him at all or interact with him when they do see him when you all live in the same house.

I don’t expect them not to see him I just Tbink it doesn’t need to be everyday? Of course they can see him but some days just want a quiet day of just a family?

If you live in their house, you're going to see them every day. How would it work otherwise? How soon are you going to be able to move out?

How would that work in reality?

If you want your own space and to not see your husbands parents every day you can't be dependent on them for housing.

Ultimately if you want your own space you need your own house? Are you living with them permanently or temporarily?

Then move out, surely you knew you were living them when you got pregnant? It can't have been a surprise

Unless you live in a mansion with them and they’re in the east wing and you’re in the west wing, how on earth do you propose not to see them?
It’s their house presumably?
If you don’t want to see them then you’ll have to stay in your bedroom

I can see your point , but on the other hand having 2 extra people around to help is a God send especially when parenting gets overwhelming x

I mean, I would hate that. But that's why I don't live with my parents or in laws.

Yup, short of living somewhere like Buckingham Palace what exactly do you expect them to do when you're sharing a house? If you want time with your child without them around, spend that time in your bedroom, or take the baby out for the day.

Are you asking for a polite way to say, "Good morning In-laws. I appreciate that this is your house but I want you to be less visible in it please, so two days a week could you either leave or be prisoners in your bedroom? Ta."

You want to live independently with your own family. So you need to move out.

I get it may be overwhelming being a new mum and finding your feet but it’s their house, you can’t ban them from being in any room, other than perhaps your bedroom. Is there a reason you are not living separately?

If you have your own sitting room, kitchen and bathroom as well as bedrooms, I don’t see why it should be a problem for you to keep yourself and your child out of their way. If you are sharing common areas and going into them with your child, how on earth do you expect them to not see your child?

FWIW they might also long for a day or two without you around

So you want them to ignore their grandson, who lives in their home, on certain days? I'm sorry OP but that's crazy. If you want privacy then you need to move out.

Are you living there free of charge? If it were me, and assuming it’s not a choice to be living with them / it’s temporary, I’d suck it up. If you have money and options, move out (before they ask you to leave)

How on earth would they possibly not see him every day when you live together?

The obvious answer is to move out if you're so unhappy with them providing housing for you.

Entirely understandable and precisely why most people don’t live with their in-laws. However when you do live in their house, there’s nothing you can do about it except move out. If it’s any help, you probably get on their nerves too, much as they love you, and so seeing their grandchild is the pay-off for them. If you expected them to let you live there and then started imposing restrictions, you might find a line is crossed and you’ll have to move out anyway. In short: get your own place and then none of this will be an issue.

Get out of the house (in every sense!).

When you’re living in their house ???

What do you expect them to do, hide in the garden?

It sounds like being in the same house is getting to you and you’re seeing things differently than perhaps you would in a normal situation.

I think you are being unreasonable but can understand the living arrangements is causing it.

If you LIVE WITH someone, you are going to see them every day. That’s literally the point

Whilst you all are living in 1 house, you have to expect them to interact with you and their grandchild. That's normal household living.

If you want lengthy times with your child and DP then you need to have your own place.

It's not easy sharing the same space, they might be struggling too). Maybe the bedtime routine becomes just you and your child - you can say routine is needed?

Support yourself and move out?

Wtf have I just read????!!!

unless it’s for cultural reasons op and if it is please disregard anything I say here but you live in their house??

you have a dh problem here and if it’s because your saving to buy you really shouldn’t have expected them to keep the three of you whilst saving and under their roof.

Well, with that attitude, if you were my DIL I'd ask you and my son to leave MY house and find somewhere to live where you didn't have to see me every day!

It's your PIL's house - do you expect them to go to a hotel for a couple of days each week?