Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Please tell me what consequences you use for behaviour that is unacceptable and needs a sanction

95 replies

NotABanana · 20/05/2008 14:09

We don't have play stations, etc so all we can take aay is the main computer and his father's old lap top. Not that is works.

We don't have anything that works atm.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

meemar · 20/05/2008 14:11

how old is dc?

Original poster

NotABanana · 20/05/2008 14:12

7
4
2

OP posts:

yorkshirepudding · 20/05/2008 14:12

Message withdrawn

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Original poster

NotABanana · 20/05/2008 14:12

And also, what do you do when they do something that needs sorting in the morning but you have to leave for school. Is it then fair to bring it up again at after school time?

OP posts:

yorkshirepudding · 20/05/2008 14:13

Message withdrawn

Original poster

NotABanana · 20/05/2008 14:13

Will be making notes of all the ideas. Thank you.

OP posts:

WanderingTrolley · 20/05/2008 14:13

Yes, if you tell them that after school x will happen, because they have done y now.

Hassled · 20/05/2008 14:18

This has had a few responses on here but has worked for mine and may work for your 7 year old: They get £1 a week pocket money. 10p is deducted for misdemeanours, or more depending on the scale of the crime . SO a scrap followed by a refusal to apologise might = 20p or so. You have to remember at the end of the week what you've deducted or they stop caring, but money is a subject very close to my DS3's heart and just a gentle reminder that if he doesn't stop now, he'll lose some, usually gets results.

Other than the money (which I've only jsut started on younger 2, having used before for my oldest 2), I just send them to their bedrooms. It gives us both time to calm down a bit.

Fennel · 20/05/2008 14:18

No TV for a week. Terribly effective in my household.

Or removal of favourite toys or planned treat (though only when we can do that without upsetting other people).

Hassled · 20/05/2008 14:19

Yes, definatey fair enough to resurrect things after school. They will probably have to be reminded what exactly it was they did wrong, but there can't ever be NO consequences.

RubyRioja · 20/05/2008 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meemar · 20/05/2008 14:20

I have a 4yo and a 2yo.

For 2yo we use the 'naughty step' or 'timeout step' (whatever you want to call it). It works well at teaching him the behaviour is wrong immediately, but being two it takes a while to sink in

For DS1 we have used time out in the past and it was so effective that he is rarely naughty now .
We tend to relate the consequences to the particular bad behaviour now e.g he has a chart for getting ready for school in the morning, and if he doesn't get dressed he loses his star for that day, therefore treat for the week.

We generally have found bribery reward for good behaviour is very effective.

Original poster

NotABanana · 20/05/2008 14:22

Yesterday I told them they missed the chance to have fish and chips by the river because of their behaviour. I am not sure how much that was right as they hadn't known before hand that was what I had planned.

The kids walk all over me.

DS1 was rude, DS2 called me a pig this morning and DD just looks at me. She has picked up sticking her middle finger from school as well but seems to have curbed that atm.

DS2 up so better go. Need to go and get some chocolate and a newspaper before going to school for the others.

I really appreciate all this, thank you.

OP posts:

meemar · 20/05/2008 14:42

NAB, It sounds like some of your consequences need to be a bit more immediate. And you need to clamp down on what you find unnacceptable.

So for me, being called a pig would be unnacceptable behaviour (which age child said it?). If it was the 2yo, 2 mins on the step followed by and apology, then its over.

For the older children, set up a reward system to encourage mannners. Immediately remove a reward if they are rude to you. Do a chart so it is visual and they can see what they are losing/gaining.

Losing a big treat like fish and chips at the river should be for persistent or dire behaviour. Let them know you have a big treat planned and give them the chance to earn it by gaining small rewards on the chart.

Be consitent too

I'm off to get DS1 from school now too,

Good luck

OrmIrian · 20/05/2008 14:45

Yelling. Not officially sanctioned punishment it has to be said but I'm afraid it happens .

Official sanction being withdrawal of treats usually. Logic being, if you can't do something helpful for me, I won't do something nice for you.

MadBadandDangeroustoKnow · 20/05/2008 14:49

We've had good results when we're tried to reward the good behaviour - have you tried a sticker chart? We give stickers for being polite and helpful, doing as asked as soon as asked, getting dressed, cleaning teeth without grumbling etc. It can be hard to remember to keep it going, but my child and cousins all respond well to the chance of earning a comic/DVD from the library/whatever at the end of the week.

Original poster

NotABanana · 20/05/2008 15:45

We have tried sticker and happy face charts but they fall by the way side after a week or two. I need to be better at keeping that.

There punishment for this morning was no park after school. Which they accepted with good grace and are happy in the garden. Oh, spoke too soon - DD complaining about DS1.

BTW it was the 2 year old who called me a pig and he was taken to the step by his father.

I am thinking about getting a magnetic shop bought chart which are seem nicer and more fun and hopefully we could manage them better.

Thanks as always.

OP posts:

mistlethrush · 20/05/2008 16:05

We had some recent bad language that had been learned at nursery from older children (ds 3) - going from a phrase that was being used several times an hour to not at all in two days by consistent use of naughty step - or similar location/place if out and about.

staranise · 20/05/2008 16:35

Favourite toy (normally a scooter) goes on top of the wardrobe for the rest of the day/week for very bad behaviour. No book at bedtime also works. Both are these are threats and I rarely have to carry them out.
DD1 (aged) definitely responds best to rewards however ie, tick and/or sticker charts. Not watching favourtie programme on TV also effective.

DD2 is 2 and normally just needs calming down eg, distraction or time out/removing her from the scene. She keeps drawing on the sofa and walls however and i haven't managed to find a way to stop her doing this except by removing all the pens from her reach/house/neighbourhood.

Original poster

NotABanana · 20/05/2008 16:35

have just lost it with him, in a controlled way

seriously pissed off

has thrown his trainer at me

back chatted me

i quit

OP posts:

Original poster

NotABanana · 20/05/2008 16:44

and now he has called me stupid and an idiot

OP posts:

SauerKraut · 20/05/2008 16:46

I put my youngest- who frequently behaves like that- in her room until she's ready to apologise and be reasonable company again.

meemar · 20/05/2008 16:47

NAB, what is your response when he is doing this?

He is saying it because he wants to see what you will do. If you have a consistent consequence in place that he knows will happen every time he insults you, he will stop testing the boundary.

Original poster

NotABanana · 20/05/2008 16:49

he is in his room and I went up to tell him to stop playing, he got into bed and called me the names.

OP posts:

meemar · 20/05/2008 16:54

ok, why did you tell him to stop playing in his room? Is he there for punishment?

I'm not sure that that will work. You need to put him somewhere boring for time out. If you leave him on his room on his own he will naturally play.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread