Would you confront a stranger in public who swore in front of your children?

[Jenna2212]

Picture the scene, you're in a cafeteria, you've treated the children to a cake each. They're playing and you're enjoying a latte. A woman at the adjacent table swears "the film I saw last night was sh**". She says this within obvious earshot of your children.

I've had experiences like this often. I will always confront the person who is swearing and tell them to stop and have respect for others around them, including my children. I don't want my children to grow up thinking that the use of words like that is normal or acceptable, especially in public places.

It's something that seems to have gotten worse in recent years. I was in WH Smith a couple of months ago and I heard staff telling a customer who was arguing with them to "f* o**". They said this loudly, so everyone in the store could hear, including me. Thankfully, I didn't have my children with me on this occasion. It used to be rare to hear people swear, and if they ever did, it was usually in hushed tones or perhaps a rowdy licenced bar on a Friday night. Shop workers certainly didn't do it on the shop floor.

It's sad that society has declined to such levels where swearing in public has become common.

Would you confront someone who was swearing in front of your children and request them to stop? Vote in the poll below and have your say.

I'm pretty certain I hear the word "shit" uttered quite frequently on Radio 4 these days

It's a demonstration of a trite, hackneyed phrase you probably saw on MN and filed away for future reference thinking it makes you look clever.

It’s rude to be loudly swearing in a public setting during the daytime.
However I wouldn’t worry too much about the effect on your children as they will follow the example you yourself set.

No I would not. I live in a country where casual swearing is the norm, even little old ladies love it, so I'd be confronting people all day long if I was to care about that. I just always told my children that its adult language, for adults to use, not bad language.

Only lavatory
Only what
Only pudding!

I agree it’s not pleasant to hear a lot of swearing, and some people can’t string a sentence together without it. However your children will hear swear words in public and probably at school too from children whose parents are less educated. You can only teach them not to use them in front of you.

I agree with @Pandimoanymum. Shit isn’t a big deal in the context you describe. I can swear like a trooper but there’s a time and place for everything and I wouldn’t like to hear f words repeatedly it in public even without children around. (I also have to be honest that I’m also a little affronted by the title and lyrics of our Eurovision entry , I don’t think ‘what the hell’ is particularly pleasant.

Well you could but I’d imagine they’d tell
you to fuck off so …

Absolutely not. People don't have to live their lives to suit you. So long as they're not swearing AT you, they can say whatever they like. I don't know how old your kids are, but I promise you, as soon as they're at school, they'll hear worse.

Some time ago, I was on a train full of football fans on their way back from a game. I can't remember if their team won or lost, but they'd had a few and their language was...ripe. They were also very loud and IIRC, we were in the quiet carriage. In the carriage with us was a man and his young son (age probably tween at the most.) I don't know if they were also footie fans. At one point, the Dad got out of his seat, said something like "cool it lads. Please don't use that language in front of my son." His own manners were impeccable and what's more, he was built like a brick outhouse. They quietened down straight away and moderated their language, without a single snark or hostile word. That's not something anyone could have done.

Asking someone to mind their language around the kids isn't really policing, controlling, pearl clutching though. You don't need to stop swearing, you have every right to use swearwords, but I have every damn right to ask you to tone it down.

I don't like misogyny - using cunt, pussy, and twat to diminish men (said by either sex) just perpetuates that.

Overt racist language is dying out in general. Would be nice if sexist/misogynistic language did too. But I'm in a minority there, I guess.

I did comment many years ago on holiday at an older British boy in a playground dropping F bombs every few seconds. I have to say it didn't go that well but his "muvver" was as rough as they come.

the situation you describe, I think you're being a bit precious TBH. Don't visit Australia where most people I encountered swore very freely, I think you might have a heart attack!

"Confront" sounds aggressive to me. I would (and have) politely asked people to stop. Not for one swear word but continual effing and jeffing. Once got told "go fuck yourself" but other than that people usually do tone it down.

I’d laugh at you if you said something to me, then tell you to fuck off.

I have tutted loudly at a bloke who was swearing constantly in front of the DC at the zoo once and he had the decency to apologise when he realised. The odd swear word doesn’t bother me at all - I love a good swear for emphasis in adult company, but I moderate my language if there are kids within earshot. I wouldn’t challenge someone for a couple of swear words.

@Jenna2212 You can’t expect people to moderate their language/feelings in a public place where the whole point is to relax. I personally just rarely swear anyway but have been out in a cafe where a friend has got excited and just cussed here and there sometimes loudly and sometimes not. I wouldn’t expect a parent to come over to us to essentially tell us off! Same way sometimes, after a school drop, myself and a friend have met up for a coffee and it’s just a load of pushchairs blocking pathways and out of control toddlers screaming and running riot. Never would it occur to me to ask them to tell their kids to behave/stop being so noisy.

in the real world it’s just give and take. You can’t expect to sanitise the outdoors for your kids, only explain what is acceptable behaviour and enforce that within your own bubble.

I will always be mindful of who’s around me when I’m chatting and will not swear in the presence of young children but unfortunately not everyone thinks this way!

its sad how many people are saying ‘it’s not for others to be PG/think about your children’ - have we lost common decency and thinking of others as a society? 🙁

You confront the wrong person and your kids are going to hear a lot worse op, and you’re teaching them to confront people and that could lead to them confronting someone who’s having the world’s worst day or making assumptions. Surely as long as you and your family doesn’t, that’s all you have to worry about. I’ve said to my kids ‘jeez they were a bit ott’ afterwards or rolled my eyes just to let them know I’m not a fan

U and non-U, innit. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U_and_non-U_English

The addition of "only if my husband is with me" says a heck of a lot about you than you realise.

I’d laugh at you if you challenged me I’m afraid.

My child is very young. When they are older and learn ‘swear words’, I will explain to them what is and is not appropriate for a child to say, particularly in nursery/school, because not to teach them this might cause them to be punished or to upset other children.

I am hopeful that as they grow up their critical thinking skills will develop such that they become aware that these words are not inherently harmful but mindful that some language used in certain situations can be harmful - this isn’t limited to swear words. In fact in some situations, innocuous words can be used to cause harm and at the other end of the spectrum there is racist and sexist language.

I do not expect any other person to police my use of swear words, particularly if I’m not talking to them. I expect them to educate their own children.

Only for very bad, constant swearing or aggression. I don’t think a simple that film was shit is that bad. Tbh saying something has never really worked out well! One time in particular a woman was being very rude and racist towards a man at self service in Asda. I said something along the lines of look there are children here, this isn’t the time or place - ended up abusing me instead 🤣 I mostly find I say something if I feel someone is being threatened or treated badly. I’ve had a similar response a couple of times now. It’s a shame because as a child if something was going on you often saw people step
in to help or say something but now people either film it or walk on by!

I’ve told a group of preteens to knock it off once in a kids play park. Every second word was fuck or cunt and they were surrounded by toddlers.

Actual grown adults out in the world? Not my business.

it was the 'and have your say' at the end that made me suspicious, possibly slow on the uptake!

If you don’t like my language I would expect you to be the one to move. I swear on occasion sure, but not a huge amount, and I wouldn’t take kindly to be pulled up for it by a random. I admit I think i would laugh if someone complained about the use of the word shit. If I was really going for it with the f’ing and c’ing I might be less judgemental of your pearl clutching (but I don’t generally use those words, lol).