Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

[DreamWaves]

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

Wow! I started reading the post thinking yes he is being unreasonable until it got to the bit where she said it was for 24 hours! For goodness sake, so what if he’s no practical support. She said it’s for emotional support.
i had a fall last year and broke my arm/elbow and felt incredibly emotionally vulnerable at how something so trivial had turned into something much more serious.
why on earth should he be made to feel guilty, he’s clearly compromising as it is by only being gone for 24 hours, that’s not easy on him!

Is this a joke? His mums been in an accident? He should 100% go and be by her side just like his siblings! You’ll be just fine on your own. He’s not selfish at all.

When mine were similar age my OH was a junior doctor and I practically forgot what he looked like.
Honestly, you will manage.

Its a natural reaction to want to see your parent (if you have a good relationship with them) and comfort them after theyve had a bad accident.

My mum fell and broke her arm last year. I flew from another country to be with her.

Seriously, it’s one day. What if he had to go away for work??? I’m sure you’ll cope!

Some women on mumsnet are so cold.

This is one of the coldest posts that ive seen here for a while.

My read on this is that OP feels like she's in a time of need and now MIL feels she is, however MIL has her husband and daughter there.

I do think that OP can cope for 24 hours. However, I see this from both sides.

There may some more backstory too...

I just think that complaining about one day is riduclous and so utterly spoilt. You cant manage two kids alone for one day? A lot of women raise kids fully alone.

My cousin has a toddler and a 5 week old baby. Her partner currently works away monday to friday, so she is alone with the kids five days a week, every week.

You can manage one day OP!

Omg I actually cannot believe these comments.

shes had an accident. She’s not hospitalised or in a coma.
she lives with her husband.
she also lives with her daughter.
her other son is also flying in to see her.
DP also wants to fly in?

am I the only person who thinks this is utterly ridiculous.

he can give her emotional support via telephone/face time and check in on her.

what can he give her in person in 24 hours that her other son, husband or daughter can’t? That he also can’t give her via telephone.

this is absurd.

OP can surely cope for a day but it’s the principle. She has a 6 week old baby and a toddler.

what the actual fuck? the absolute drama. If it was me who had this accident I would want my son to absolutely stay at home with his wife and 2 young children and not to fly out to see me when I have plenty of support and can speak to him on the phone.

absolutely bloody ridiculous cannot believe the comments!

Ugh you sound like you've been coddled all your life, going to your mother who says she thinks your husband is selfish, really? For visiting his sick mother? And although you say you hadn't mentioned anything to him, I put money on you dropping hints of dissatisfaction as your husband still feels it necessary to restrict his time to a mere 24 hours.

I wonder how his family, mother, brothers will feel watching their relative rush back as soon as their feet are off the plane, unable to stay more than a few hours/one day?

Youre being unreasonable

sounds like hes making you a priority as hes only going for 24hrs - Hes made sure you have some help/can manage and if i was you id tell him to stay for the weekend.

Your mum sounds like shes trying to pit you against him, she should be more supportive as i bet if the shoe was on the other foot she would expect you to come to her.

its not his fault they live abroad. Poor guy just wants to check his mum is okay, not like he can pop in for half hour as shes down the road (oh wait hes literally trying to do just that to accomodate for you and the kids mostly)

Seriously it’s one day!! Let the man visit his sick mother .

Honestly I'm surprised he doesn't want to go for longer, it's nice that he's supporting his mum, it's not like he's off on holiday. Maybe have a think about why it feels so tough, are you suffering a bit from pnd or is there something going on that's making life harder that can be fixed. My husband had to go to Japan for work a lot when I had 2 littles, and it is hard but it's actually quite good to get yourself in the rhythm and realise you can do it. Presumably he's back at work now anyway or will be soon....

Its one fucking day. Do you not think its utterly dramatic of the OP to say that she cant look after two kids for one day?

when i was 16 years old, i babysat three kids by myself all night. Every weekend. For my neighbour.

Are you really saying that no woman could possibly look after two kids by herswlf for one day?

So glad to read that despite the comments here his mother has said he should stay home as she has enough support. Someone sees sense.

Answer my question.

Do you really think that a woman cant look after two kids by herself, for one day.?

@Arina22its not about it being one fucking day. She can obviously cope. She’s not thick.

it’s about someone having an accident and being supported already by 3 people , 2 of whom live with her.

I wouldnt want my son to leave his young family to what, have a cuppa and a chat about my accident? Flying countries to do that? Hardly fucking worth it for 24hrs .

@Arina22im answering your question. Of course she can. Or maybe she can’t, I don’t know her?

Some people want to go and visit their close family members when they are in pain and suffering. Its called empathy.

I bet if OPs mother was in a crash and broke two of her bones, Op would go and visit his mum.

If ops partner tried to stop her going, he would be callrd abusive and controlling.

You shouldnt try to stop someone from visiting their own family if they want to go.

That is controlling.

It's only a day. You can cope with two small children alone for that time and do not need your parents to come over, unless they want to see GC. Your DH's poor mum is in need of a hand-hold. It's no skin off your nose and surely your DH is at work most of the time anyway, so 24 hours isn't going to be a major hassle.

I’m sure you would go if it was your mum. Leave him to it. It’s 24 hours not days. 🙄

Quite frankly, it you can´t look after your own kids for a couple of days, you had no business having them. I am going to assume this is a ploy just to plead helplessness. I am sure you will be fine, like all the single moms who do this day in day out.

YABU - you should be encouraging him to go for longer

My DH was travelling away with work regularly for days at a time when my baby was the same age and I also had a toddler. YABU.

Yes, I’d come down on this side of the opinions really. It’d be different if a more serious accident but he won’t be needed, he can call his mum.