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Original poster

Daughter sharing a bed with Grandma

105 replies

YellowBuzyBee · 02/05/2025 22:40

My 11yo daughter stays with her dad (who lives with his mum) every other weekend. Whilst there, my daughter sleeps in the same bed as her grandma. There's never been the offer of her own bed. Personally I've always found this a bit strange (last 4/5 years) and have raised it previously but ive just let them get on with it. Now she is in her final year of primary, hitting puberty etc and honestly I don't feel like it's right. I've brought this up with her dad who's said there's nothing wrong with it and my daughter has actually raised it with her grandma but there's been no mention of it changing. It's always thrown back as 'your mum's telling you to say this'. Does anyone else find it a bit old for them to be sharing a bed with no choice every other weekend or am I being unreasonable? I'm worried that once she starts secondary she'll get bullied if people were to find out or as an adult she'll look back and feel a bit weird about it. I know I'd feel weird about the thought of sharing a bed with my nan as a teenager.

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gottakeeponmoving · 03/05/2025 00:35

I shared my Grandmas bed for sleepovers and we were designated room sharers for our annual family week in Wales. I loved my Grandma and didn’t/still don’t think it was strange. Grandpa had been relegated to the spare bedroom years ago due to snoring. My brother got the short straw because he had to sleep in the snoring room with Grandpa 😋
I don’t think it’s strange and it didn’t bother me. If your DD doesn’t like it then obvs it needs to stop but if she is ok with it I would let it continue.

Tourmalines · 03/05/2025 01:17

My 4 year old granddaughter sleeps with me when she has sleep overs because that’s what her mum wanted as she doesn’t sleep by herself . My husband is kicked out into the spare room . Who knows when it will stop . I’d say until granddaughter says so .

bookworm1982 · 03/05/2025 01:41

I understand that you think your child should have their own bed if sleeping there regularly, but why is it inappropriate to share with her nan? What’s the ‘inappropriate’ part you keep mentioning?

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Seacatt · 03/05/2025 01:42

I always shared a bed with my gran until I was about 12.
Then I just didn't want to anymore, I can't remember why.
I never did again, she did have a spare room though.

usererror57 · 03/05/2025 06:26

It doesn’t matter if someone else on this thread did it in the 70s and had no issue with it. It’s 2025 and your daughter isn’t comfortable with it. And neither would I be. It’s ok if she has her own bed and just gets in for a cuddle etc but she shouldn’t be forced. It is absolutely weird in this day and age for this to happen. I wouldn’t be allowing my daughter to go until the issue is sorted

Rusalina · 03/05/2025 08:07

I remember as a child I used to beg my nan to come and sleep in the spare room with me when I stayed at her house! She would often oblige. I loved our little sleepovers.

If your daughter is uncomfortable with it that’s an entirely different story, but there is nothing inherently “inappropriate” about sharing a bed with your grandmother!!

floppybit · 03/05/2025 08:13

I shared a bed with my nan until my teens when she suggested I sleep in my own bed and I remember being annoyed as I liked sharing with her! I loved her to bits and we were very close. I don’t think it’s weird, but it’s very much up to the individual.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/05/2025 08:24

Sounds like there is no space /bed for her

diff if she wants to sleep with granny

but sounds like she doesn’t /she’s reliesing it’s different /friends don’t do it

so if she is unhappy that needs to change

fwiw the odd sleep over in granny /Auntys bed ok

2 nights a week every week isn’t as dd needs own space /privacy

dad needs to let dd have his bed while she stays

if they have no issue with sharing then mother and son can share those 2 nights or dad on sofa

4forksache · 03/05/2025 08:29

There is nothing wrong with it as long as she’s happy.
You need to work out her true feelings. Not yours, not her dads!

She could take an airbed and pump with her. They aren’t expensive

MyOliveHelper · 03/05/2025 08:33

My NDN lives with her mother in law and her 3 kids and husband in a 3 bedroom. Her boys share a room, she shares with her husband, and her elder child (girl) shares with her grandmother. They have one big bed rather than two smaller beds for space.

These types of arrangements weren't uncommon a generation ago and aren't uncommon globally.

I find it harsh that mothers' can be hypercritical of these situations when they only occur at the father's house, or sometimes even when it is occurring at both homes, mother still thinks father should be able to provide more.

eurotravel · 03/05/2025 23:26

SallyWD · 02/05/2025 22:59

We often go away with DH's extend family and my teenage DD often shares a bed with her auntie. She loves it. Sees it as sleepover with her favourite aunt. I've never seen it as weird.

Mine too. And she’s now 15 😀 they don’t give it a second thought

Secretsquirels · 04/05/2025 08:27

I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with sharing with a loved family member on a holiday or sleepover; but I think that she is too old for that to be her sleeping arrangement in her second home.

I would bypass the conversations with her dad if that hasn’t worked and buy her some sort of fold out bed and sleeping bag type thing to take with her.

TumbledTussocks · 04/05/2025 08:57

Agree with PPs who said there’s a world of difference between choosing to do it when you’re staying over as a guest even it’s semi regularly and this being your actual bed in your parents home with no alternative offered.

That said, what can you realistically do about it?

usererror57 · 04/05/2025 16:23

eurotravel · 03/05/2025 23:26

Mine too. And she’s now 15 😀 they don’t give it a second thought

Show quote history

but that’s for holidays

not a second home

Bunnyisputbackinthebox · 04/05/2025 16:31

I shared with gdm every week end from being tiny to about teens!! She was bloody lovely and dgf was long dead....

Marble10 · 04/05/2025 16:40

I used to share with my grandmother too. Until late teens I’d say. Used to stay there most weekends and she didn’t have a spare bedroom. Also terrible OCD so would not let anyone sleep in the living room.
It wasn’t ideal, but not the end of the world and I certainly didn’t tell my friends about it 😂

Letty186 · 04/05/2025 22:13

My Grandma lived in a one bed flat, I loved staying with her and shared her bed until she died when I was 17

TakeMeToTheDarkSideOfTheMoon · 04/05/2025 22:14

I think the main issue is it seems like your daughter doesn't even have the option of having her own space while there, which is quite important.

Sure if she had the option but would still rather bunk in with Grandma that's one thing - i often chose to sleep with my Nan when i stayed over, but it appears there's no choice in the matter?

This is a failing on her Dad's part, she's getting older, he either finds a more suitable place to live where he can accommodate his growing child or he makes suitable adjustments where he currently is when she stays.

BeenzManeenz · 04/05/2025 22:14

Why is it weird? I think it's sad how our culture separates children in this way. In many cultures bedsharing is totally normal.

I slept over in my nanas bed until I was into my early teens, and I remember those times fondly. I stopped mainly because I was too busy with boys and booze after that to spend time with her!

Sounds like this is a you issue, you think it's weird and are using what your daughters friends have said to push your own agenda.

If your daughter was genuinely uncomfortable with it then that's a different discussion.

Harry12345 · 04/05/2025 22:14

People comparing themselves sharing when visiting their gran is totally missing the point. She is having time regularly with her dad and should have her own space within the house

OPRM1919 · 04/05/2025 22:16

My 10 year old cousin used to share a bed with my nan every other weekend too when she would visit her dad. She was getting a bit old for it and wanted her own sleeping space but didn't want to directly say this to my grandma. About 4/5 months ago my grandma was poorly and slept away from my cousin; my cousin asked if she could stay sleeping where she was when she was next up and it's just stayed like this. Everyone happy.

Pandolly · 04/05/2025 22:19

I loved sharing a bed with my nan. Whenever any of us kids used to stay at my nans, we'd share her bed. Certainly as a female it wasn't weird at all.
However, if your daughter has expressed she isn't comfortable with it, then they should respect that and offer an alternative. A fold up bed, sleep in dad's bed and he has the sofa while she's there...whatever works for them, but she shouldn't be forced to share if she has said she doesn't like it.

mummybear35 · 04/05/2025 22:20

My daughter is 18 and still wants to share a bed with her grandma when she visits! They watch movies, read fashion mags and giggle at funny things they read, wear face masks and hair treatments while in bed! It’s not odd, I did it when I was a teen, loved whispering and gossiping with my mum and my granny when we were in same bed…it’s only odd if you make it odd! My daughter is still at home and occasionally she’ll ask to sleep in my bed so we can watch a late movie or just chat like teenagers…I treasure those moments and I’m thankful that we are so close that she still wants to..

ILoveMyCaravan · 04/05/2025 22:22

Your daughter should absolutely be given the choice of where to sleep. If she doesn’t want to share a bed with her gran (completely understandable) then she needs another option, or she doesn’t visit. It might have been OK when she was much younger, but not now. Trust your gut.

Dearg · 04/05/2025 22:23

I agree with pp that you need to find out how your Dd feels. If she does not wish to sleep with her Gran, if she wants some private space, her father needs to provide that for her. If he can’t then she does not have to sleepover.

All the posters reminiscing about loving sleeping with grandma are missing the point that this is supposed to be your daughter’s other home. And she deserves to have a little autonomy and respect there.