Scared that if I dont have a 3rd I will regret it?

[Mum84762002]

Does anyone have two children and have the urge to have a 3rd but don't feel like they can do pregnancy or give their everything to three children?
I have two wonderful girls, 1 and 3 and I love them with all my heart but I do find motherhood a struggle. At the same time though I have these conflicting thoughts of all the milestones with my 1 year old being my last and it honestly breaks my heart, sometimes it's all I can think about. At the same time though the thought of pregnancy (mainly the symptoms) freaks me out! But at the same time I loved finding out the genders/scans/midwife appointment etc. The newborn bubble, birth, I just loved it and the thought of never doing it again and closing the chapter really upsets me.
If you feel like this or did feel like this what did you do?
How do you feel now?
I haven't experienced primary school age/teenage ages so I don't know if in the future I'd be glad i didn't go ahead with a 3rd or regret not going ahead with a 3rd. I guess what is scary aswell is we'd have to move, get a new car etc its a big jump from going to 2 to 3 I feel.
Any opinions or thoughts would be helpful ❤️

It’s extortionate! Even little things like going for a happy meal end up costing a fortune by the time you’ve bought 3 lots of everything.

Plus watching 3 at the same time is impossible. We have to go everywhere together to divide and conquer.

Most places require you to book the big suite if you take 3. Even those little lodges in places like the lakes require you to book the huge stupidly priced one so even that becomes silly.

3 lots of school uniform. 3 birthdays and lots of Christmas gifts. I could go on and on.

There are many pros but the money is the major con I think. If you had enough money that it’s not as issue then that’s different. My 3rd was an accident and after maternity leave plus another stint struggling to work around nursery it’s really hit us.

One of my friedns had three children (all adults now) and when they were at school she never had an afternoon at home after school as she was always running at least one child to an after school or evening activity - sport, music, dancing, brownies, cubs etc etc.

Her weekends were always taken up by her daughters' dancing classes. Then there were concerts and dance shows to go and watch, rugby matches, drama performances etc etc.

Biggest mistake of my life was pushing for the third. Ruined my marriage, holiday prospects, university funding. 8 years on and it's my biggest regret. It was all hormone based.

I would absolutely love a third. There will not be any more and I do have feelings of regret and a longing as my 2 year old gets older and I realise the baby days are gone.

I packed up all the baby things and gave them away recently and it was sad.

I know that I can be a better mother to my 2 without having a third though. In terms of time, attention, finances. Even practicalities like cars, holidays etc.

We also had many cycles of ivf to arrive at this point, and I just can't do that anymore. I can not put myself or our family through that again.

I think I will always want more, but not enough to override the reality that our family is better off as we are in many ways. I am really lucky to have the two children I have.

I would have loved 3 but stopped at 2 for a variety of reasons - financial mainly, as I was the main breadwinner and we couldn't afford for me to take more maternity leave. Dh also only wanted 2.

There are several reasons why I'm now quite glad we stopped - for one, all those lovely milestones also include really stressful milestones - we're on our second round of GCSEs at the moment and I'm glad we don't have to go through it again. There are also lots of practical things - we all fit easily in one car, holiday bookings are easier, when they both had sports fixtures in different places one of us could take each child. We can afford to support them both through uni and beyond.

I still think 3 is a lovely number because there's a triangle - if one is busy there are 2 left - but there are just as many positives as negatives with both options.

I'm so sorry to hear this, if you dont mind could you go into more detail as to why ths 3rd ruined your marriage etc

Financial side of things people have said has really opened my eyes, I don't think we could comfortably support three.

I'm so glad you made this thread I'm in the same position. Two girls, age 2 and 4, eldest starting reception in September. I always wanted 3 and part of me really still does, but the further away I get from baby stage the more I feel it's very much a heart Vs head decision!! It's not so much the financial side for me, luckily we are in a position to afford a third, it's the logistical side of everything, parties, clubs, schools nurseries, which I guess only increases as they get older. The holidays, hotels rooms for 4 people, everything seems set up for a family of 4.
That said, I still have everything in the loft, cots/prams/highchairs/car seats, and something just tells me to not get rid of it 🙈🙈🙈

I thought about a third but am delighted now we stuck at 2. We had the space and finances for a 3rd. Kids are 13 and 10 now, 13 year old attending private school. We can afford this x 2 but wouldn't have been an option x 3.
Our kids can do any activities they like as we have the time to bring them.
We can also go on nice holidays. My best friend has 3 kids, 2 same ages as mine and then a 4 year old. Similar income but not the same lifestyle. Shes still paying FT nursery fees. Holidays are an issue as what interests her 13 year old doesn't interest the 4 year old and vice versa. We go on quite adventurous holidays such as skiing, horse riding holidays etc she doesn't have the option as they still have a little one. I know there are ways around things but its more difficult for sure.
Also people think little kids is the best phase but I actually love my kids at their current ages, you can have proper conversations with them and see them becoming young people in their own right. I wouldnt change a thing. Best of luck OP!

I think it’s a good decision but I will just say that no, parties decrease massively by the time they’re in year 1, year 2 definitely. And if you live somewhere where they can get around by themselves then that age comes round real fast too - DS is 10 and getting so much independence now. Youngest is 3 and those years have gone SO quickly, like light years quicker than they did with the older ones, I guess because we are busier. There’s been a real shift now she’s 3 and all of a sudden we are out of the baby days for good - no naps, no nappies, can leave the house with just my keys, rarely a pushchair.
Hotels, yes, you’re right. We still go away a lot! But it’s harder and more expensive (obviously, it’s an extra person).

This is exactly where I am. Have a 3&1 year old and have always wanted 3 but am getting to the point of figuring out when/ if I actually will try for a third.
My big draw backs with 3 are financial and support. While we could sustain a nice life with 3 day to day in terms of activities, holidays etc it’s the big costs that we want to provide. Uni help, house deposits etc.
Plus with 3 kids you’re basically resigning yourself to never having a family babysitter again! At least for us we could never have the 3 kids minded at once so you never really get a break.
My only positives are basically that I’m pining for one which isn’t really that much of a concrete reason, but also it’s sort of the post important? Idk!

Thank you, what are the ages between yours?

I think if I were to have a third there would be no more than 4/4.5 years between the youngest and newborn, that would then be 6/6.5 from the oldest to the youngest.

Previous poster made a good comment about any extra help from say family with three kids, we're lucky to have grandparents who are willing to look after the two, not sure if they would extend to three 😂. For the occasion it actually happens though we could always send the youngest to one and two older somewhere else (until they're of an age where they're all a bit older and easier to manage)

I have three and I enjoy it, albeit the youngest is still a baby. Everybody's answer will be totally different though as it's so dependent on individual circumstances - finances, strength of relationship, work, any SEN, personality of each child. The third does feel like more of a leap of faith but it's really not much different overall.

I think it's a grass is always greener thing and just depends on your priorities in life. There's always some regret when you look at what you don't have. I sometimes think I could have stuck with 2 and life would be easier but then I'd have missed out on my gorgeous youngest.

Almost 7 years between oldest and youngest. 4.5 years between middle and youngest. They all get on beautifully and love their little sister. Middle started school when third was 6 months old so it was nice to have the whole week with just the baby from then on.

Good point re grandparents! We don’t have anyone to help locally anyway.