DD just won't eat and it's stressing me out

[Lifeistestingme]

I've already posted here before about my very fussy DD. She's 13 months now and I'm STILL struggling. So far the advice has been.. well.. useless tbh. She won't simply "eat what I'm eating". She barely eats at all.

She only eats a few select foods. Here's a typical day of eating (it's shockingly bad!)

Breakfast: half a jar of porridge mixed with prune or pear puree (she doesn't like homemade) and a pudding (sainsburys own brand) and maybe a few Ella's kitchen puffs (She LOVES those more than life itself)
Lunch: squash and chicken (from a jar, Hipp organic) Or Heinz beef and sweet potato. Quite small portion size along with an oat bar (sainsburys own brand again) and some puffs
Dinner: a pudding, some fruit puree (usually prune or apple and pear), another oaty bar and maybe some more puffs.

Her food routine doesn't change that much other than when I try her on new things. I got her to eat a couple of pretzels but I wanted to limit those because of the salt. I've tried her on toast, pasta, eggs, potatoes, chopped up veg, lots of things, more than once, and she turns her head and cries. Starts gagging etc. She gagged earlier eating a tiny bit of potato and a little bit of salmon and then spent ages crying until I gave her some puffs. What do I do??? Any advice on how to get her to eat more variety? Or maybe just a hand hold because I feel like a crap mum some days because I know her diet is terrible :( but what can I do if she refuses? Not much..

Have you tried baby led weaning? In other words, laying out food in front of her and letting her choose? This gives her control (something purées reduce) and encourages her to enjoy / be interested in food.

And you’re not a crap mum. Hang in there.

Puffs melt in the mouth. I wonder if she has a strong gag reflex.

https://solidstarts.com/gagging/

It is really tough. My DS was not a good eater as a toddler, and I still remember the stress of it. As you say you can't make her eat, so my advice would be to keep offering things you want her to eat, along with the things she will eat, and act as if it makes no difference to you what she eats. Accept it is not something you can control, then it feels easier. That is assuming her weight is OK and she is growing as expected. If not I would seek medical advice.

Yes that's what I do, she's very good at feeding herself and picks up her puffs and pieces of oaty bar etc. Just so so fussy 😭😩

@LifeistestingmeIs she losing weight? And does she drink milk?

Her weight is fine as she had her yearly review recently. Has a lot of milk too. But I worry about her diet not being healthy enough as she is really lacking on the protein front.. 😩 I've tried bits of plain chicken too, that went on the floor! She has her vitamins daily so I hope that helps alongside her milk and porridge

No, not losing weight. Drinks a big bottle of milk (150ml) in the morning and evening. Then I make up the rest of it with porridge for breakfast

That sounds more than what my DD ate at 13 months.

She wasn't a big eater either. I gave up worrying though.

Now at 3 she still doesn't eat huge portions but has always maintained the 2% percentile curve since birth and is incredibly healthy and active.

And we just give her what we eat. (other than yesterday she had a meltdown about not liking pasta so had potato waffle and Bolognese instead!)

Yes I think that's it. I've noticed her sometimes gagging a little bit when eating the oaty bars despite the fact she loves them. But she only does that sometimes, most of the time she's fine. But yes, must be. She will gag even eating mash!

See, I often get the impression that she wants to eat more, then I feel guilty for not being able to give her more because there's not much else left to offer. I always try offering bits of what I'm eating and some days I decide to try something new but it always ends up on the floor or with me eating it

I would stop all the pre-prepared stuff, and focus on providing a plate of fresh, healthy, unprocessed options which is all she gets. Wait a bit and then clear up. She’s waiting for the puffs etc as she knows they’re coming, I would imagine. There was an interesting article in The Guardian about a week ago about processed baby food being a hidden scandal - worth a read.

Sounds pretty much like the diet my 3 kids had, and my middle was quite selective about what flavours he would eat.

He's now a muscle bound 13yo swimmer, who eats his weight in pasta so I don't think it was a concern.

Coincidentally my youngest ate small amounts bit ate every single thing I ever gave her. Now she's almost 13 and only eats like 6 things. So I guess I'm saying try not to worry too much, kids this age rarely allow themselves to starve.

I am not judging you OP because feeding a child and worrying about what they eat is a very emotional subject. But I did read this article the other day and it struck home with me, have a read and see what you think.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/mar/15/ultra-processed-babies-are-toddler-snacks-one-of-the-great-food-scandals-of-our-time

Stop scrutinizing every bite; the gagging may be because she is self conscious trying to swallow while being watched.

I was and am a very picky eater because they made such a big scary deal of it.

How about beans for protein? Or a bit of nut butter?

I want to offer fewer processed options but I can't let her go hungry if she absolutely refuses what's in front of her. It feels impossible sometimes

Was the health visitor concerned at her 1 year review?
I would try and reduce your anxiety around what she eats as much as you can. Keep offering her a range of different foods, including ones you know she likes. Your job as mum is to offer a variety of nutritious food; you cannot force someone to eat.

My DH has always been picky. He can go 48 hours without eating if there is nothing he likes.

Hismum tried ignoring, punishing, shouting, not pandering, after 5 days of him eating absolutely zero she took him to the GP. He told her not to stress and feed him what he will eat he’ll try new things as and when but being fed is more important. His dinner used to be a pork chop..that was it, no sides, no seasoning, no sauce.

Now he eats a lot more but likes everything plain and never eats massive amounts. We actually end up having separate meals a lot as I prefer more variety and flavour.

That's definitely worried me now 😩

No, not concerned at all. She seemed to think she will get used to eating more variety and be fine. But I don't feel so sure. I think I might have to try making my own versions of the things she already likes - at least that way I can make them healthier and more nutrient dense. Banana and oat "cookies" maybe.. I just have to keep trying but it is worrying sometimes. The packaged stuff isn't the best but I'd rather she eat than not eat

Offer something she will eat alongside other things. What she is having is quite sweet so I would try and substitute if you can. She will not starve if she is having lots of milk. Try and stop offering the snacks if she does not eat her meal. Be as breezy as you can about it. Ds ate very little but lost weight so it became a real concern, he always and still does eat only just enough. But he is a healthy weight.

My DP eats like a horse but incredibly fussy - eats the same things most weeks and all processed junk. I just don't want DD to have a super processed diet 😩 she watches me eat healthy meals but she doesn't get the urge to try what I'm eating

Yes, she definitely has a huge sweet tooth! I definitely need to reduce how many of these melty puffs she's eating. They seem so addictive too!

Anyone have any ideas of things I can make for her that she might like based on her current diet?

My only idea was mashing banana and oats together to make "cookies" I used to make these for myself and she would occasionally try a little bit but didn't seem too keen but then that was 3/4 months ago so she might seem more keen now.

She’s eating far better than my 13 month old did. He’s now 6 feet tall and a massive food lover.

Just be patient and try your best to hide your anxiety.

I haven't got any real advice but just wanted to offer sympathy and maybe reassurance that all will work out in the end. I had 2 very fussy eaters. Both are now healthy adults, one of them has the broadest diet out of all 4 of my children. Yours is a little young for this but a tip for later on: I found mine would eat things if I gave them an appropriate name, eg pastry was 'biscuit' and anything breadcrumbed was fishfingers. It was ludicrous how that worked but it did.