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Original poster

My ex has taken my son out of his school and put him in a new one and is refusing to let me see him would the school refuse to let me collect him?

118 replies

HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 10:33

So me and my ex split up 5 years ago we have 2 children boy aged 9 and girl aged 5
when we first split up everything was fine he was having his kids regularly and his new gf who he had moved in with seemed nice enough so everything was good for a while (we split up due to his prescription drug addiction gambling addiction cheating and he just wasn’t a very nice person to be with) up until about 6 months after we split coke the excuses as to why he can’t have his kids, he refused to financially support them also.. seemed like the novelty of impressing his gf had wore off… he then changed to fortnightly contact which I wasn’t happy about at all but what can I do (if the one of the kids birthday fell on in his own words ‘not his weekend’ he refused to have him/her
he disappears for months at a time with no contact. Our daughter is autistic and he just says she’s a spoilt brat and then I found out she was sleeping in the living room on her own in a travel cot (even though his gf had a 5 bedroom house) and she was crying when she knew she was going to her dads so I stopped her from going which I know he’s happy about it she doesn’t call him dad never has done and I don’t she ever will do, but for my son when his dad would disappear his heart was broken and each time it would be me fixing it he was so distraught and couldn’t understand in his own words ‘why his dad didn’t love him any ore’ I’ve always tried to speak good of him but there’s only a certain amount of excuses I can make for him soon as my son turned 8 he stopped caring about going didn’t cry when he was let down and we all started to get on with our life… up until a few weeks ago my son was on the park with his older brother (not his dads son) and our son bumped into his dad he took him off the park leaving my other son on his own and has denied access ever since he’s took him out of his school ripped him away from his friends and family and his home life after Barry bothering with him but from what I’ve heard from my son is that he wants to live with his dad which obvs breaks my heart because o know what he’s like with his dad but was just getting use to his dads antics, so I really don’t know what to I want my son home asap but I feel bad if that’s what he’s saying? But like I said he’s always been for his dad and I guess spending some time there he’s gone back to how he was about his dad.. I know the school he’s in and want to go pick him up today but I am scared that the school will refuse to let me take him.. his dad has not once asked about his daughter or nothing in months and then thinks he can just take our son when he was barely a fortnight dad also the abuse from his dad and his gf over the years have been hell on earth he he’s cheating on her and she kicks him out she’s crying about it to me on the phone but the second he’s back the sun shines out of his ass she’s also a mother so I don’t understand how she thinks it’s okay to do this to someone?? I just need some advice and then I will be going up to the school today to collect him

OP posts:
Imbusytodaysorry · 18/03/2025 11:31

@HollyAnnLee hi you can just head to the school say you are there to collect your sim legaly they can’t stop you .
But if your son makes a fuss and doesn’t want to go they can’t force him. Their duty is to protect the students in that moment. .

Id tread carefully just so you don’t upset your son.
You say he wants to live with dad so if that’s true you are pushing him further to his dad. .

Can you go to the school and ask to speak to your son ask for a room .See how your son feels and if he really does want to stay with his dad.
You can ask the teacher how your son is doing and explain the situation. .

This may tune out you have to put your son’s feelings over your own.

Krest · 18/03/2025 11:32

Im going to PM you

Imbusytodaysorry · 18/03/2025 11:34

HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 10:39

Yes they said they can’t do anything about it because he’s on the birth certificate and I did speak to my solicitor and he said he would get me the form to fill out I’ve been chasing him all last week and it’s just going to voicemail I’ve sent him emails etc left voicemails and he hasn’t got back to me yet so I’m just thinking of going up to collect him pretty soo but definitely today

Show quote history

You need a new solicitor . He should have applied and had an emergency hearing sorted by now .
You say chasing all week when did this happen ?

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Anothercookieday · 18/03/2025 11:35

It is important to get the ball rolling with a solicitor. But no, if you have PR and no court order in place you can most definitely collect you DC. Take a copy of the birth certificate and ID as they haven't met you before.

femfemlicious · 18/03/2025 11:35

Imbusytodaysorry · 18/03/2025 11:31

@HollyAnnLee hi you can just head to the school say you are there to collect your sim legaly they can’t stop you .
But if your son makes a fuss and doesn’t want to go they can’t force him. Their duty is to protect the students in that moment. .

Id tread carefully just so you don’t upset your son.
You say he wants to live with dad so if that’s true you are pushing him further to his dad. .

Can you go to the school and ask to speak to your son ask for a room .See how your son feels and if he really does want to stay with his dad.
You can ask the teacher how your son is doing and explain the situation. .

This may tune out you have to put your son’s feelings over your own.

@HollyAnnLee yes I agree with this. You don't know how your son will react. Call the school and introduce yourself and send them the birth certificate and your identification. Explain the circumstances to them and ask them to facilitate you meeting with your son. Always stay calm and logical.

Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 11:36

BarracuddaYouda · 18/03/2025 11:28

Op, your posts are so confusing but you are likely very upset and anxious so its understandable.

You need to do the following in this order:

  1. Contact new school, send them copy of birth certificate so they have proof you're mum. Arrange to pick up your son today/tomorrow slightly earlier.

  2. Apply for an emergency court order citing that the father removed your shared son from his school without your consent (not permission, he doesn't need permission, but all parties with PR need to consent to school moves)

  3. Within the same application you need to request your son is returned to his previous school.

  4. I wouldn't remove your son from the new school at the moment, it's going to impact him even more so when you contact the school arrange what days you will pick up your son and simply just inform the father, in the same message state if you're blockade from picking up on these days and a scene is created at school then both you and school will call the police.

Yeah sorry autocorrect is a nightmare as I have a new phone and don’t know how to tweak it in my settings..
if I ring the school and tell them I’ll be collecting him on a certain day won’t they just contact his dad who will then turn up to the school and collect him before me? Also it’s not dad who does the school runs it’s his gf so surely they’ll release him to me rather then to her? And I know this will impact my son but if I could just speak to him and explain what’s going on because he does have a right to know as to what’s going on even though he is a child I know he’ll be confused im just scared of them refusing me because i don’t think I’ll be able to hold in my emotions and probably will end up causing a scene even though it’s not something I want to do but it will break my heart if they refuse to let me take him alao I was told by the social services that dad didn’t need my permission or consent to take him out of his school

OP posts:
Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 11:38

Krest · 18/03/2025 11:32

Im going to PM you

Okay

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 18/03/2025 11:39

HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 11:36

Yeah sorry autocorrect is a nightmare as I have a new phone and don’t know how to tweak it in my settings..
if I ring the school and tell them I’ll be collecting him on a certain day won’t they just contact his dad who will then turn up to the school and collect him before me? Also it’s not dad who does the school runs it’s his gf so surely they’ll release him to me rather then to her? And I know this will impact my son but if I could just speak to him and explain what’s going on because he does have a right to know as to what’s going on even though he is a child I know he’ll be confused im just scared of them refusing me because i don’t think I’ll be able to hold in my emotions and probably will end up causing a scene even though it’s not something I want to do but it will break my heart if they refuse to let me take him alao I was told by the social services that dad didn’t need my permission or consent to take him out of his school

Show quote history

That's the problem. Dealing with a situation like this you always need to appear calm and reasonable so you don't appear unstable they everyone will be on his side. You need to take deep breath. Visit your son first and give him a hug and talk to him❤

Anothercookieday · 18/03/2025 11:41

I think it would be a good idea as a PP said to contact the school and build a relationship with them. For all you know, GF could be posing as you. Mine didn't ask for ID when ai enrolled my youngest. That way they know that you are a constant in his life and they are aware that you have safeguarding concerns, and may be more likely to highlight their own concerns RE Dad.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 18/03/2025 11:42

Get a new solicitor. You should have been able to have an emergency court hearing by now.

Imbusytodaysorry · 18/03/2025 11:42

HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 11:36

Yeah sorry autocorrect is a nightmare as I have a new phone and don’t know how to tweak it in my settings..
if I ring the school and tell them I’ll be collecting him on a certain day won’t they just contact his dad who will then turn up to the school and collect him before me? Also it’s not dad who does the school runs it’s his gf so surely they’ll release him to me rather then to her? And I know this will impact my son but if I could just speak to him and explain what’s going on because he does have a right to know as to what’s going on even though he is a child I know he’ll be confused im just scared of them refusing me because i don’t think I’ll be able to hold in my emotions and probably will end up causing a scene even though it’s not something I want to do but it will break my heart if they refuse to let me take him alao I was told by the social services that dad didn’t need my permission or consent to take him out of his school

Show quote history

I agree I wouldn’t inform the school your collecting early as they will call dad . As for the gf if dad has parental rights which clearly he does then he is allowed a chosen person he deems as safe to collect his kids. .
Now schools again aren’t allowed to get involved in this ( some do ) if there was a stand down on the play ground and son equated to leave with g.f. they would probably protect that choice .
If you are going ahead with lifting son.

Go after lunch don’t go at the end of the day.

Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 11:46

I’m going to ring the school now and introduce myself could anybody help me on what to say? Also to set up a meeting to see my son or atleast go up to the school to speak with them

OP posts:
BarracuddaYouda · 18/03/2025 11:47

If you kick off at school it's absolutely not going to help matters.

MidnightMillie · 18/03/2025 11:48

How long has he been attending his new school OP?

Imbusytodaysorry · 18/03/2025 11:48

@HollyAnnLee call and say you are wondering if (sons name ) is in today.
That you are his mum and dad has just lifted son and enrolled without your agreement.

I think you should decide your main game before calling the school .
If you are going to collect id just call and ask if son is in today and how he is doing .

If you plan is to collect son do as above and call daily to see if he’s ok and how he is doing.

Redruby2020 · 18/03/2025 11:49

Bakedpotatoes · 18/03/2025 11:15

I would be going to the school, say you have a dentist appointment or something. Take your ID and birth certificate though.

Get a new solicitor and get to court asap. You need to talk to your son to find out if he really does want to live with his dad and whether you can look at 50/50 if he wants that.

But then what is to stop the father going back the next day to the school and collecting their DS, and the same thing happening all over again.

Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 11:51

Redruby2020 · 18/03/2025 11:49

But then what is to stop the father going back the next day to the school and collecting their DS, and the same thing happening all over again.

Show quote history

I will be keeping him off school (getting his work sent home ) until a court order is in place which prohibits him from doing this again

OP posts:
Redruby2020 · 18/03/2025 11:52

@HollyAnnLee

'Also it’s not dad who does the school runs it’s his gf so surely they’ll release him to me rather then to her'

Wow these men are something else! So he done all of that, but then he's got his gf doing his dirty work for him, absolute joker!

Imbusytodaysorry · 18/03/2025 11:52

Redruby2020 · 18/03/2025 11:49

But then what is to stop the father going back the next day to the school and collecting their DS, and the same thing happening all over again.

Show quote history

She would need to keep son home and get the emergency hearing sorted.
That's the only way to do it. .

Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 11:56

I’m just going to go unto the school at finishing time and collecting him from the gate if possible but I might just go into the office about 10 mins before collection times so I don’t bump into her because I know she will cause a scene never mind me… I will not be shouting crying or causing a scene I will be keeping cool calm and collected and if they refuse I will be ringing the police. Social told me that he didn’t need my consent to take him out of his school and I had no say in his new school? Like how is any of that right that a barely fortnight dad who disappears months at a time has a right to take my child out of his school and I can’t literally do nothing about it… mind blowing

OP posts:
Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 11:57

Redruby2020 · 18/03/2025 11:52

@HollyAnnLee

'Also it’s not dad who does the school runs it’s his gf so surely they’ll release him to me rather then to her'

Wow these men are something else! So he done all of that, but then he's got his gf doing his dirty work for him, absolute joker!

Crazy I know and she knows what a piece of shit he is and I’ve told her that he will do the exact same to her that’s he’s done to me but she thinks the sun shines out of his ass even though she’s the one who told me about his drug issues and his cheating

OP posts:
MidnightMillie · 18/03/2025 11:59

How long has he been attending his new school and when was the last time you spoke to your son @HollyAnnLee?

Psychoticbreak · 18/03/2025 12:00

OP this is batshit. Go to the school 30 mins before it closes and talk to the principal. State your exes other half is not allowed to collect your child then sign him out and take him home and tomorrow bring him in to his usual school with the same stipulations. How can a child be so easily registered overnight in a new school? That is not logical at all. Cannot be legal.

Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 12:05

MidnightMillie · 18/03/2025 11:59

How long has he been attending his new school and when was the last time you spoke to your son @HollyAnnLee?

About 5 weeks now and last time I had contact with him was about 4 weeks ago, I did apply for court as soon as the police said there’s nothing they can do but then court said that we have to see (I can’t remember the actual name of it but basically like to see if we can talk it out first before court) so I contacted that person and they said they would make contact with him to request this absolute radio silence so it’s only like 2 weeks ago when they said because he’s not agreeing or making contact that I can just apply for court which I did I’m going to ring my solicitors office and ask him what the hell is going on and why no one has gotten back to me

OP posts:
Littlebitpsycho · 18/03/2025 12:07

You need to go now, not at the end of the day. Any drama between you and your ex's girlfriend will affect your son. Go NOW and avoid the drama