My ex has taken my son out of his school and put him in a new one and is refusing to let me see him would the school refuse to let me collect him?

[HollyAnnLee]

So me and my ex split up 5 years ago we have 2 children boy aged 9 and girl aged 5
when we first split up everything was fine he was having his kids regularly and his new gf who he had moved in with seemed nice enough so everything was good for a while (we split up due to his prescription drug addiction gambling addiction cheating and he just wasn’t a very nice person to be with) up until about 6 months after we split coke the excuses as to why he can’t have his kids, he refused to financially support them also.. seemed like the novelty of impressing his gf had wore off… he then changed to fortnightly contact which I wasn’t happy about at all but what can I do (if the one of the kids birthday fell on in his own words ‘not his weekend’ he refused to have him/her
he disappears for months at a time with no contact. Our daughter is autistic and he just says she’s a spoilt brat and then I found out she was sleeping in the living room on her own in a travel cot (even though his gf had a 5 bedroom house) and she was crying when she knew she was going to her dads so I stopped her from going which I know he’s happy about it she doesn’t call him dad never has done and I don’t she ever will do, but for my son when his dad would disappear his heart was broken and each time it would be me fixing it he was so distraught and couldn’t understand in his own words ‘why his dad didn’t love him any ore’ I’ve always tried to speak good of him but there’s only a certain amount of excuses I can make for him soon as my son turned 8 he stopped caring about going didn’t cry when he was let down and we all started to get on with our life… up until a few weeks ago my son was on the park with his older brother (not his dads son) and our son bumped into his dad he took him off the park leaving my other son on his own and has denied access ever since he’s took him out of his school ripped him away from his friends and family and his home life after Barry bothering with him but from what I’ve heard from my son is that he wants to live with his dad which obvs breaks my heart because o know what he’s like with his dad but was just getting use to his dads antics, so I really don’t know what to I want my son home asap but I feel bad if that’s what he’s saying? But like I said he’s always been for his dad and I guess spending some time there he’s gone back to how he was about his dad.. I know the school he’s in and want to go pick him up today but I am scared that the school will refuse to let me take him.. his dad has not once asked about his daughter or nothing in months and then thinks he can just take our son when he was barely a fortnight dad also the abuse from his dad and his gf over the years have been hell on earth he he’s cheating on her and she kicks him out she’s crying about it to me on the phone but the second he’s back the sun shines out of his ass she’s also a mother so I don’t understand how she thinks it’s okay to do this to someone?? I just need some advice and then I will be going up to the school today to collect him

go 30 mins early and collect him from the office. be out of there before she even arrives.

"Hi i'm DS mum, im here to pick him up for his dentist appointment :)."

if they bring up no notice

"sorry for the short notice we managed to get a cancellation"

have ID and birth certificate in case they ask, but don't bring it up .

i know you have a lot going on OP but please do update if you can.

Do you have any family or friends you and the kids can stay with until you get this sorted?
Make sure you report everything you can to the police as and when it happens to build any sort of case.

I would also be tempted to record any conversations you have with the GF as that could back up any claim you make about his addictions etc.

Make sure you keep and make copies of the messages from your ex. That will be needed for evidence at courts too! And any/all message from the GF too.

And whatever happens, don’t let them know you’re gathering any type of evidence. Give yourself the advantage wherever you can.

Also, if your solicitor isn’t acting quick/efficient enough consider looking for legal help elsewhere.

That is shocking he can just take him like that. What about his clothes and stuff? Have you had any contact with him at all?

Did you go and collect your son from school today?

If you did, I'd keep him off school until after you've been to court

I'd submit a new court application. Fill in the paperwork and hand deliver it to your closest family court. Don't wait for your solicitor, you can do it without them. Ask for a same day urgent hearing if possible. Explain the situation in full. Keep it child focused, explain that your ex has not acted in the best interests of your child, now or previously. Explain that you were not consulted about a change of education, and therefore you do not give consent. You want his previous education setting reinstated. Make a formal complaint to the original school, as they should have contacted you to gain your consent.

I'm so sorry that this has happened. Please keep us updated.

@HollyAnnLeedid you go to the school today? I hope your son is back home with you.

Go to the school, collect him, and go to court

I can’t believe his old school, that you currently still go to everyday in order to drop off and pick up your other children haven’t spoken to you about this. Surely it’s highly odd for one parent (of a divorced / separated couple) to remove one child from a school suddenly, with no input from the mother. Did no teachers at any point say ‘Oh Mrs Jones, we here Harry is leaving us? Is everything ok? We thought he was happy here with his siblings?

Have they not helped? Did they not talk to you? Especially as you been the primary parent and your ex has been fairly absent. This is bonkers.

OP you need to apply directlly to Court using a C100 form and marking the form and email urgent. You usually are expected to go to mediation first but this is urgent. The longer he stays there the greater the chance he will be seen as settled. How on earth did he get him registered into a new school that quickly without your consent? You shouldn't go to the school as school is supposed to be a child's safe place and it can become a tug of war but you do need to contact the school, introduce yourself and tell them that you do not give permission for him to attend that school but as you have PR, whilst he is there, you want copies of everything to do with his schooling. They legally have to give you that. Once you get to Court you need to stay child focused. I would explain the impact of splitting the siblings up as your main concern. Courts don't like siblings to be split up

Your ex has parental responsibility. Legally, this means that you are both 'equal' parents. There is no child arrangement order in place (residency doesn't exist now).
Morally, he's done everything wrong, but the schools are not a fault, they have been presented with a child whose parenr has applied and received a school place in the new school. The admissions department at your local authority seem to have assumed 'implied consent' in that they haven't received anything from you to say that you objected to his application and subsequent placement in the new school.
School applications only requite one parent to complete the form.
In the eyes of the law, until you have a court order saying otherwise, your ex has decided to parent your son.
My ex over the years kidnapped my ds several times. Because there was a court order in place, he was 'strongly advised' to return him each time, but the police and school were very very clear that without a court order, the ex wasn't actually doing anything except spending time with his ds. School allowed ex to collect ds even on days they knew he wasn't allowed to 'because he was ds dad' they just will not get involved unless the child is at direct risk of harm. The police welfare check has identified that your ds isn't at risk of harm, in simple terms, in their eyes, he's living with his dad for a while. That's why you have to cut out the emotion from this and stick to bare facts, make the court application, then get an order in place... but do realise that a judge may even put a 50/50 arrangement in place or even an arrangement where your ds 'lives' with his dad a higher percentage than you.
It's really not about what each adult 'wants' the focus is what is in the best interest of the child. At this point in time, your ex didn't legally steal your son, your son went willingly and has told police he's happy to remain there. You've said that social services have said it doesn't meet threshold, it could be that the girlfriend is seen as a protective factor. Your ex hasn't removed him from school completely, be careful about creating that even accidentally because you wish to have your son back with you. Get the legal route sorted out but don't expect him to be told that ds HAS to return to you.

there is definitely more to this story!
he’s been gone 5 weeks and you’ve still not had an emergency court hearing. Surely you’d be calling your solicitor or court several times a day to get an answer?
Also you said he has siblings at his previous school? None of the teachers mention to you that he’s moving?
if he took him from the park and wouldn’t return him, why didn’t you just collect him from school the following day and take him home?
doesnt seem to add up.

I haven’t seen my children in months and school wouldn’t let me see them or even speak to them on the phone. Their dad got me arrested due to domestic abuse allegations (all made up) and the school said I couldn’t see them. Had first court appearance last week after ex didn’t show up the first time. I haven’t seen my children for 8 months now.

OP if he doesn't turn up to mediation they can sign off a MIAM certificate enabling you to go straight to Court

I work in a school as amongst other things a DSL.

This version is not true. Parents cannot just remove a child with no contact. Even with parental responsibility. They have to provide both parent details and you would have been contacted.

Your child was moved 5 weeks ago and you’ve not even contacted that the school. At this time, as a DSL you are the parent I would be concerned about. If he is regularly attending school and you collect and basically hold him hostage that’s going to make custody to dad almost certain.

You have no grounds to have his PR removed and based on post here I wouldn’t expect any court hearing to go in your favour.

The school can’t say that. That means SS has told them.

Well colour me curious how this turned out

Agree with this. It has been more than five weeks yet you have made no progress. Most school moves take longer than this, and there has been half term, and would require both parents with pr to agree. What does his old school say about the circumstances of the move?

I work in a school...
Dad likely will have put something on your son's file which says "mum cannot collect/no contact" etc.
Even if he hasn't, unless you are named as a contact, they won't be allowed to let him leave early with you, even with ID and birth certificate.

So on another post she's 31 then a different one she's 41, I think someone's telling fairy stories tbh

Nothing stopping you going and collecting him. What your ex has done is legal, he’s on the birth certificate and has parental rights. But so do you so you can do the same thing. But you need to get to court with your solicitor to get things agreed legally for future. However the school could fail to release him as he will have had to complete paperwork on who can collect and probably left you off it. There is a risk that going to the school could escalate things with social services ending up involved.

But legally you are within your rights to go and get him.

I’m not sure OP will be back.

They never make use of the namechange feature, do they? 😆

What is your role because as someone who works in safeguarding we require a court order to add that to a file.

It is also completely untrue that you cannot collect a child if not a contact. All parents with PR are listed. You clearly don’t work at a senior level.

Hi unfortunately he has the right to do this because he’s on the birth certificate. But you also have the right to take your son from anywhere because you are on the birth certificate. My ex never had our sons for more than 2 nights but when the country went into lockdown he kept them and refused for me to see them. Police, social services couldn’t do anything as he was on birth certificate. After 5 weeks he agreed to let me see them in his garden for an hour, as soon as they came to the door I picked them both up and ran to my car, he couldn’t do anything as I’m on birth certificate too. Whilst we were going through mediation and had social services, families first involvement I let him see them again my oldest was in school but he didn’t return the youngest to me so I suspected he was going to go to school before pick up time to collect oldest. I called the school and they said because he’s on birth certificate they have to give my son to him if he comes to collec. The teacher did say if he turned up before pick up time she would call me. He did turn up an hour before pick up time, the teacher called me I ran to school. When they brought my son into reception his dad picked him up so I grabbed my son and we ended up having a tug of war until I managed to get ahold of my son fully and ran home with him. Not a pretty sight but the legal process takes so long. You have every right to go and collect your son, I would just say go before usual pick up time and take birth certificate/photo is if the teachers don’t know you. Also if he’s with the gf you can refuse for him to be taken by her as she has no parental responsibility.

Disgraceful post

Why?